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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My mum forgot to pick my son up from city centre

67 replies

WentworthMillerMad · 18/11/2014 14:35

My mum collects my son every Monday after his pipe band rehearsal at 6pm and I stay at home with my younger 2 DCs. This has been the case for the past 12 months. I rang her yesterday to confirm she was picking him up at 6pm and she said she was looking forward to it. He is 11 and the pick up in from the city centre. It takes 1/2 hour to drive him home and by 6.20 I am on the window look out, 6.40 and i was a bit worried so called my mum, she started gibbering on about a recent weekend trip she had been on as i screamed 'where is F' and she screamed 'i forgot to pick him up'. At this point I was hysterical - he doesn't have a phone as yet. My husband dashed in the car whilst I called everyone i could think of.....a passer by in the mean time got my number from my son and called me and waited with him til DH arrived. My son had walked away from the rest of the band as he thought he saw grannys car. I do not blame the band for this as it is parent's responsibility to collect and there are clear numbers to call if an emergency crops up. We didn't call as presumed granny was on hand. My issue is the distress it caused my son, alone in a city centre and with my mum. She is 65. What to do next? I need advice........

OP posts:

flipchart · 18/11/2014 14:57

I forgot to pick Ds1 up from a party when he was six. I was quite happy on the cross trainer at the gym when the mum phoned wondering where I was.

I once forgot to pick DS2 up from cubs.

It happens.
Thankfully they have made it to 18 and 15!

orangeisthenewlemon · 18/11/2014 15:00

He is 11 so no great shakes surely?? I feel for your mum. As many have said we all make mistakes. She has been helping you for a long time out of love. Your poor Mother - she may have the onset of memory problems too. Please be kind to her.

Zucker · 18/11/2014 15:01

Are you already worried about her driving or anything, why are you on window watch for them coming? There seems to be a lot of anxiety about this arrangement with your mum.

LadyLuck10 · 18/11/2014 15:07

It's a genuine mistake. I'm sure she feels terrible. She's lovely to be doing this for the past year and still wants to continue. You sorted out a good procedure now with your DS and her so it will be fine going forward.

Theas18 · 18/11/2014 15:07

She forgot- meh, annoying but a non problem unless it's a common thing. Would have been the same if she'd got a puncture or been in an accident.

The problem was you hadn't given your son ( and he's old enough ) a " what if " plan. Along the lines of "go back to band and find a leader if you can't see granny, and if you really can't do that do what we've already told you if you are lost- go into a shop and tell the lady behind the counter you have a problem and mums number" . My kids had that back plan if thy were lost since about age 5!

These things happen. Teach your son to have strategies to cope. There is honestly no reason for your son to be " terribly distressed" that's something you've wound up yourself. The way to settle that is a hug, and a "didn't you do well telling the gent my number, lets look at how it could be less scary next time something happens" chat.

6pm in a busy city centre? No reason for an 11yr old to feel unsafe. And yeah, cheap phone and no how to use it as part of the " debrief plan".

We used to do a " what if plan" when out and about a lot. THe 9yr old did put it into plan when she went sailing off on a train that her big sis had missed ( I put her on assuming big sis had caught it LOL) and she got off at the right station and asked the station lady to call me. The wait for her to do that was intolerable but there was nothing else we could do as she hadn't a phone.

youareallbonkers · 18/11/2014 15:10

Do it yourself in future.

Why can't an 11 year old use a pay phone?

LurkingHusband · 18/11/2014 15:12

On the plus side, you now have a funny story for Xmases to come

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 18/11/2014 15:13

Actually I would be a bit pissed off at the pipe band people. Why did they let an eleven year old wander off without making sure he was safely collected? It should be like it is at school when they witness the handover. Surely it's not that much trouble?

Kewcumber · 18/11/2014 15:13

He's 11 not 5! HE should (as it sounds like he was) quite capable of waiting an extra 30 mins in a city centre whilst someone picks him up.

And forgetting to pick up doesn't = dementia unless there are other signs.

I pick my son up from tennis every week at 6.30 pm. Every week. Two weeks ago I turned up at 7pm surprised to find him watching TV in the shack clubhouse and I wondered why they had finished so early (I was, I thought, a few minutes early).

Tennis coaches thought it was hilarious that for some reason I was totally convinced it was 7pm that one week. DS is only 8 and still no harm done except that they have ever since mercilessly ripped the piss out of me for it.

It happens, even to the best of us (I am of course the best of us)

Kewcumber · 18/11/2014 15:14

Our school doesn't "witness handover" of 11 year olds! From beginning of year 5 they are free to make their own way to and from school provided parents agree.

Kewcumber · 18/11/2014 15:16

I am thinking she texts me as she leaves to get him no need, just get him to text you if she's more than 10 mins late.

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 18/11/2014 15:18

I'm glad our school isn't like yours then Kew. All children are handed over.

youareallbonkers · 18/11/2014 15:23

Why are they handed over? Children need to learn to be independent

Zucker · 18/11/2014 15:29

11 year olds are handed over and witnessed, really?

Moreisnnogedag · 18/11/2014 15:31

Why do you wait at the window? You say it takes 40 mins to drive so I think even 640 would be a bit early for me to ring to check?

As others have said this is a useful thing really. Your DS needs to have a better back up plan ready.

ms what happens to the children who get public transport?

Kewcumber · 18/11/2014 15:31

Its OK MsAdorabelle you don't have to agree. If parents don't agree their child will continue to wait in the classroom for their responsible adult whilst all their friends walk home together.

It's your choice, but really most 11 year olds are either at secondary or about to go to secondary. A child that cannot be responsible for themselves even at the most basic level by that age would a rare exception around here.

DS is 9 and the vast majority of his friends are already allowed out to play on own and to the local shops provided there are no major roads to cross only minor ones.

Hakluyt · 18/11/2014 15:32

You should always have contingency plans- what if your mum got a puncture or her car broke down or there was a massive traffic snarl up?

Make a plan, and then move on

And surely secondary schools don't hand pupils over?

PurpleSwift · 18/11/2014 15:34

:S is there any other reason you have to be concerned about her memory? If not I'd just leave it.
I'm sure she feels awful about it - probably a mistake she'll only make once!

JuicyLucyButNotTooFruity · 18/11/2014 15:34

My dad left me in Coventry City Centre on my own for four hours once.

He was meant to pick me up at 5pm but he forgot, went to the pub and then walked in the house at 8pm ready for tea. My DM said 'is Lucy just getting out of the car' where upon my dad almost fainted, grabbed his car keys and zoomed over to Coventry (about 45 minutes away) where I was sitting on a bench at the side of the road as I had been for the last three hours and 45 minutes.

This was in the days before mobile phones.

TakeMeUpTheNorthMountain · 18/11/2014 15:35

Why were you standing at the window panicking?

TakeMeUpTheNorthMountain · 18/11/2014 15:36

Ive never seen a secondary school do a handover in my life!

sunnydaylucy · 18/11/2014 15:38

I completely understand your immediate reaction but these things happen & your DM won't ever forget again, I bet she is feeling terrible about it.
It doesn't sound like your DS panicked and would have been able to deal with the situation, credit to you.

Get him a cheap phone, to save on the anxiety (& peace of mind for you!)

youareallbonkers · 18/11/2014 15:39

What is the school MsAdorabelle's children attend afraid will happen to them? What age do they cut them loose?

HesterShaw · 18/11/2014 15:39

My dad used to forget to pick us up fairly frequently. This was when he was in his 40s and 50s, before mobiles and so on. We were kind of used to it, though the parents of the other children he was picking up with us were less impressed

It is something I would keep an eye on, because by 65 he was getting VERY forgetful. I am the last person to freak out over something like this, because I am fairly forgetful myself, but by the time he was 65 I don't think I would have relied on my dad for picking up my children not that I have any.

Unexpected · 18/11/2014 15:51

It was a mistake. Unless you think your mum is developing actual memory problems, rather than being just a bit forgetful I would do nothing. She'll never forget him again! On the other hand, I think your son should have some means of contacting you in an emergency. Suppose your mum had been involved in an accident or got caught up in traffic? You would all have been in the same position then.

I think you have over-reacted slightly, what did you think would happen to him in a city centre at rush hour? Your son is either Yr 6 or already at secondary school, surely old enough to be sensible in a situation like this. Why were you looking out for him from 6.20 if he couldn't even get home by 6.30? Are you particularly anxious about him/your mum/the trip?

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