My mum forgot to pick my son up from city centre

[WentworthMillerMad]

My mum collects my son every Monday after his pipe band rehearsal at 6pm and I stay at home with my younger 2 DCs. This has been the case for the past 12 months. I rang her yesterday to confirm she was picking him up at 6pm and she said she was looking forward to it. He is 11 and the pick up in from the city centre. It takes 1/2 hour to drive him home and by 6.20 I am on the window look out, 6.40 and i was a bit worried so called my mum, she started gibbering on about a recent weekend trip she had been on as i screamed 'where is F' and she screamed 'i forgot to pick him up'. At this point I was hysterical - he doesn't have a phone as yet. My husband dashed in the car whilst I called everyone i could think of.....a passer by in the mean time got my number from my son and called me and waited with him til DH arrived. My son had walked away from the rest of the band as he thought he saw grannys car. I do not blame the band for this as it is parent's responsibility to collect and there are clear numbers to call if an emergency crops up. We didn't call as presumed granny was on hand. My issue is the distress it caused my son, alone in a city centre and with my mum. She is 65. What to do next? I need advice........

My children are still both at primary school and afaik all children are handed over. My two certainly are, my youngest is a bolter.

I have to say I prefer it that way. The thought of a nine year old walking home along our dark winding lonely little country lanes with their blind bends and speeding twats tourists makes me wince.

"My children are still both at primary school and afaik all children are handed over. My two certainly are, my youngest is a bolter."

I do hope yeqr 6 aren't. Or Secondary School will be a bit of a shock........

He is 11. She forgot. Are you prone to overreactions OP?

At 11 I was boarding a bus or train to the city centre, shopping or hanging out for the day, and coming home again on my own or with friends in a 10-12 age group.

Infants are handed over, juniors aren't, secondary they could be anywhere.

Children are not going to implode if left alone. And he wasn't alone, in a city centre - why did he not call or find a safe place to wait?

You don't need advice....she forgot! The only you need to check is whether there is another reason for forgetting (i.e. a medical reason for forgetting)

This. My concern would be for my mum. At 65 memory lapses that are out of character are worth following up - nothing to do with dementia or anything but there could be a physical cause.

You sound a bit hysterical about it. Why can't your DH collect if he's home?

Where I am none of the KS2 children (except those who go on a school bus) are handed over - just turfed out into the playground to find their parents or walk home on their own if that's what they do.

He's 11 fgs, in less than 5 years he could join the army. I'm afraid you, and some of the other posters here are overreacting. Talk through with him about what he did and what he should have done in that situation. Get him a cheap mobile phone. And cut the apron strings a bit. Children who have been taught how to behave in an emergency or an unexpected situation are likely to fare much better than those whose parents are overprotective.

Dementia- spotting is almost as popular on MN as diagnosing PND in anyone not ecstatic about motherhood .

She forgot. It is easily done. In the days when prams were left outside shops, virtually every mother got halfway home before remembering the baby at least once.

as i screamed 'where is F' and she screamed 'i forgot to pick him up'.

This is not the reaction of someone with memory problems. This is the reaction of someone who simply forgot and has all her mental faculties working just fine.

Although a little less hysterical screaming from the female members of this family might be a good thing!

"This is not the reaction of someone with memory problems. This is the reaction of someone who simply forgot and has all her mental faculties working just fine."

Permanently, you can't possibly draw that conclusion from a typed up post on a forum. It could equally be the horrified reaction from someone who has just realised they forgot and is being screamed at by someone at the other end of the phone.

Anyway, sensible posters have pointed out that son is 11, Mum may have memory problems or not, but she'll definitely feel bad about it and all has been sorted anyway.

First of all you should blame the organisers of the band as they should wait until he is picked up.
You should have taught your child to stay with the group until collected, not to leave when he sees a similar car.
I would go easy on your mum as we all make mistakes, including forgetting to collect our children. I think everybody is allowed one.
I think your son needs a cheap phone, maybe a xmas present and I would seriously be speaking to the organisers. They can't just say parents responsibility etc.
I think its a good idea to get her to text you when she is leaving or you to text her so you know she will be there.
I would give it another go as it sounds like its the first time and she enjoys it so much.

Since your son is now on his own in the city centre on a regular basis, he needs a phone. Just a cheap PAYG. Regardless of whether you can or can't trust someone not to forget, accidents happen, major traffic jams happen, bomb scares closing roads happen...he needs to be able to tell you where he is if the plans all fall apart, and there just aren't that many phone boxes around any more.

I bet your mum is feeling terrible, I think now your DS has a phone you should just forget it ever happened. The band people should have checked that he had been picked up if that's what they were supposed to do but really the extra wait wouldn't have hurt him.

I do sympathise OP , you must have been worried sick and it doesn't sound like you're overly comfortable with the situation anyway. Instead of asking your mum to text when she sets off you should just ask your son to text when he's in her car or if she hasn't arrived within 20 mins. Is there a coffee place he could wait in? You might feel more at ease if she's late/has forgotten if he is waiting somewhere like that. If you think about time in terms of drinking a hot drink it makes it go faster!

I do think you should have given him a phone before now, it would certainly reduce some risk and providing it's not a top of the range smartphone then it's not like he's going to have it stolen or 'borrowed' by anyone at school.

My kids' rural primary only handed over from the infant classes - kids older than that were expected to go back in and say "my mum's not there" if there was a problem.

DS's city centre junior handed over years 3 and 4, but the door was ten yards from a major roundabout with five roads onto it, four of them major - no place for an 8 year old without an adult.

I'm half her age and I've forgotten major things. DH has forgotten major things.

She made a mistake. I don't think one time of forgetting indicates a pattern. No need to treat her like a child and have you text her. You can text a few days to make sure she's leaving but really, I'd let it go as a one off.

Also, your child is 11. Time for a phone. He'll be hanging out with friends with less parental supervision as time goes on. :)

I have forgotten to pick kids up before now. And so has my ex (last night, as it happens, but she's 16 now so it's not an issue)

Honestly, it's just one of those things. Cheap phone and make sure he has your numbers programmed into it.

A very distressing situation for you OP. But use it as an opportunity to put some systems in place.

I am sure your DM feels awful but we all make mistakes and can be forgetful, so be understanding of this and be kind.

Your son needs a mobile for Monday evenings. You can call him then to check he is waiting in the right place, still with the band etc until you feel more reassured.

Your son will pick up the stress and anxiety about the situation from you. But you can use it as a learning experience -talk to him about what he thinks he did well last night? What has he learnt that he would do differently? What have you learnt that you can put into place to reassure him?

Children aren't traumatised by this kind of thing alone. My friend was once forgotten by her father and wasn't noticed as missing until several hours later when her mother got home and wondered where she was. She was fine and definitely not damaged because of it.

OP, unless there is a backstory as to why you have concerns for your DM's memory, I really don't think you need to make a massive deal out of it. Mobile phone for your DS to carry on dark evenings would solve the whole thing. In the meantime, please don't make your mum feel bad over this. We all make mistakes and have forgetful moments, even with things we do repeatedly and for a long time.