AIBUs from the world of fiction

[ProudAS]

WIBU to report neighbours to social services. Their DS (11yo) is a spoilt brat quite frankly. He's been clinically obese since he was a toddler and thinks the world revolves around him.

Their DNephew (also 11yo) has lived with them since he was a toddler and his parents died. He is quite the opposite of their DS and appears malnourished. I'm getting even more concerned as I haven't seen him for several months and they say he's away at some institution for incurably criminal boys. I can't believe that such places exist and he has always seemed to be a nice boy albeit slightly strange. I've also heard that they lock him in the cupboard under the stairs and make him sleep there even though they have only the one DC and a 4 bed house.

I've a feeling they may be keeping him permanently in the cupboard or worse. Do you think I should contact SS?

Then my dad died and left the business to his revolting brother instead of to me. And my mum married him before the body was called and my girlfriend thinks I'm bonkers. I'm not sure whether to be or . . .

AIBU to allow my 2 week old baby to go to space?

He says he really wants to go, but he is so little! And he already works 3 days a week at the hospital, I think all this is just too much as such a young age.

I cant help thinking that although he is excited by the prospect, he doesnt realise just how scarey going to space could be. NASA have assured me that other astronauts have childcare experience and have their DBS checks etc, but I am still not sure.

AllMimsy - if only that nice Gareth Malone would organise us into a choir! I think there are lots of other wives who'd be interested, though there might be something of a conflict between his usual Easy Listening classics and our preference for metrically complex and mythologically allusive choral lyric. Good luck with the weaving - I've made a start on my robe without a neck hole. Dd2 is making some crappy cloak with lions on it, but frankly it's a bit of an embarrassment. I need to get her married off pronto to some accommodating yokel - or perhaps FranklyMedea would take her off my hands?

AIBU to tell the neighbours I'm not a fucking taxi?

Yes, I have a roomy ride and yes the weather is a bit blowy, but wherever I go, one pops up going 'ooh is there room...'

I don't mean to be callous but it's not that big a ride and I'm afraid it's going to snap under all the weight.

I don't even like my neighbours, they're all animals IYKWIM..

So, what to do? Firstly, don't judge please. My husband was involved in a road rage incident and was killed by this strangely attractive young stranger. Is it too soon to consider getting back on the dating roundabout?

Ohwhatfuckeryisthis This is complex. But remember, if it looks like a cigar, it may not be.

Well, whatfuckery (and never was there a more appropriate name), I don't think I need to put my judgypants on, because you know the answer all too well. Not only is your husband's mangled corpse barely cold at the roadside, you need to ask yourself some stern questions about that baby boy you left on the mountainside with a spike through his feet, and do some hard thinking about whether this strangely attractive young man's strange attraction lies in his uncanny resemblance to a young version of your poor husband. I suppose you're going to give me some guff about Fate and Love and Destiny and all that bollocks, in which case you might consider replacing those brooches on your dress with some sensible press-stud fastenings - and for God's sake lose the belt.
So yes, it is too soon to consider getting back on the dating roundabout. IMHO, this situation bears all the marks of a tragedy in the making.

My neighbour's DH went off to some silly war with his friends and when all the others got back he didn't. Instead of writing him off she insisted he would come back and refused to go dating, although there were lots of lovely men interested.

Now she says that her DH's old dog is getting excited about some smelly old man who's turned up on her island. She has no sense.

Aibu to think everything is against me. I'm working abroad and desperate to come home. My boss keeps telling me I have to reach a quota to complete the contract so I can come home and each time I'm nearly there he moves the goal posts. I hate my job and I must admit that in desperation I have been feigning being ill (possibly stress related) to get time off work and go to hospital. I'm getting a bit worried about my sickness absence record too...

Then there's my friend who works in "catering" who I am sure is committing some sort of benefit fraud. He acts like some sort of Del Boy buying and selling goods all over the area. But all of the deals seem dodgy, for example right now we have loads of Egyptian cotton, wft? and he doesn't seem able to shift this either.

I just seem to be stuck in a no win situation.

Excuse me, Andrew, I think you'll find I have plenty of sense.

As for you, Fuckery, your strangely attractive young man should pair up with MotherBluestocking's daughter, although that might be two complex!

I'm trustee of an orphanage in town. One of the other trustees, a middle-aged man, has decided to personally fund a rather pretty teenage orphan girl through further education. All well and good, but I've now heard that not only is he regularly writing to this girl, who has never seen him, but she's started calling him 'daddy'. On top of all that now he's visiting her, unbeknownst to her, in the guise of a friend's uncle.

I'm really concerned about the power dynamic here and can't help but feel the trustee is acting inappropriately. Should I contact the police or SS?

Mimsy, I'm sure Andrew didn't mean to offend you. You must understand that the people who care about you are worried about what's going to become of you and young Telemachus - he's not old enough to stand on his own two feet, and you need to face up to the fact that you need a man about the place.
How about organising some sort of competition? Men love that sort of thing - see if you can think of something that only a man truly worthy to replace your husband could do - maybe something with one of his old weapons? (just a thought) I'm sure you can come up with something - after all, your intelligence is legendary! You can even let the smelly old man have a go if you like.

AIBU to be concerned that DD's nursery teacher lets randomers into the nursery, seemingly without any kind of DBS? Wasn't too bothered when it was just the PE teacher from the primary school or the local PC but this week DD has mentioned the old woman from the village shop and a man in a pink kilt (???) have been in to see them? Should I be worried for DD's safety?

Mimsy and MotherBluestocking Just don't ask him to bend his rigid bow. After 10 years away.......

AIBU to be wary of this woman? I'm about to marry a lovely young man but it now turns out his ex will be living next door to us. It turns out she used to be engaged to my fiance but she was paralysed in some accident and refused to marry him. She's talking about being part of our family and how we must call our first born after her. While I feel sorry for her I'm getting a bit freaked out to be honest.

Well, I hope someone can help me. I left my DD babysitting her younger brother and now I've returned to hear some nonsense about a ruler of all the goblins who made the (poor precious) baby dance. Aibu to say we do not peak of voodoo/who do in this house?

Listsandbudgets
If you've got the money, why not. Some on MN will disagree but I say, if you don't get on with your step-children, send 'em away.

The advantages are enormous - she won't be able to come home for holidays, she'll probably become trilingual, and if she's really lucky she might marry a doctor, and that's all one could hope for really. You might want to pack an emergency flare and one of those space blankets though - so easy to lose one's way in the alps...

Well, someone mentioned my little part of the world, Misomer. My poor great uncle who died! It was terrible. We hoped we could believe it was natural causes, but the nice moderately obese, middle aged detective said that because of the gargoyle where his head should be, he had to consider suspicious circumstances. Still, country life is lovely. There's a local fruit based festival held in May in one,of the smaller villages nearby. Part of it is that the men of these villages put deer horns on their heads and wander the,hills looking to rape young women. So charming! Last year, a few people got murdered though, but no more than usual.

Then there's this chap who has been writing identical love letters to two married women - thinks he can get away with it because he has a handle to his name. I'm told they are planning some sort of come-uppance.

And all within sight of the Queen's palace, what would Her Maj think about it?

Thank you MsDearhart, I'll be sure to make a donation to the Trust.

I'm bored, bored, bored. And sick of being (comparatively)poor. And having bloody kids.And my boring fucking husband. And the country. (And getting old and losing my looks, but that won't happen for ages) IANBU to trade up. It is my right after all, non?

AIBU to not worry about DB15? He was living with us while DF is away at sea. Our mother died when he was a baby. He was nothing but a PITA, making my house untidy, bunking school and petty theft. He was sent to a reform school for knocking over an old lady and steeling her bag. The police have been round, he has escaped and was found hiding in a barn so got recaptured, the police car transporting him stopped to help a RTA during a storm and he escaped again.
Now I've just heard that a Cheetah has escaped from a nearby wildlife park. What are the chances of him and the cheetahs paths crossing in rural England?
DH thinks we should push the police to try harder to find him, he has also got it into his head that DN is innocent. AIBU to think he is naïve and the boy is nothing but trouble and he will reappear when his dad is due back from sea. unless the cheetah eats him

Ohwhatfuckery: Madame, that's life. Suck it up or things could end badly and painfully.

feckitall, I wouldn't worry too much about your kids on the Lakes: if not duffers, won't drown.