to have told him to get his lazy arse outof bed and change the nappy

[3boys40]

Background. I am virtually a sahm. dh works very hard 5days a week. 12 hour days including commute. wenave 3boys 10, 8 and2. The middle one has som sen and is currently in pyjama pants.
Todaywe arranged to visit a theme park which involved staying overnight in a hotel last night.Because he has a football season ticket we travelled there after the match. Dh drove but he had 4 child free hours at the football whilst Iooked after dc. He drove the 2 hourdrive. Anyway we had a meal and headed back to room. Incidentally it was me getting toddler to eat etc as per usual. I changed both dc and started getting youngest ready for bed. By this time dh was lying in bed as he was sooo tired.I began to breastfeed ds and noticed he had done a poo so asked dh to change him. He replied that he was too tired. I let it go at the time butI am pissed off.
wibuto have pursued this or does doing the driving mean I should cut him some slack.

I do all the driving in our relationship as dh cant.doesnt absolve me from nappy changing duty so he is being a dick. What kind of father is too tired to help out when his son is sitting in his own mess???

As the driver the only thing I ask (if we need to do a long drive) is a for dh to do any night wakings the night before so Im not driving 4+ hrs on broken sleep.

He should've changed the nappy end of.

Sounds like he feels a bit entitled as he's the main breadwinner. I would tell him how it makes you feel and that it doesn't excuse him from helping with his children. YANBU.

I wouldn't have let it go at the time. I'd have said.....change the boy fuckface...
YANBU.

tbh I think you probably hit nail on the head ems. Ireally need to get a job but if I do I guess there is no guarsntee he willstep up andhis jobwill always be more important. Probably earn over 4 times what I could earn.

o and he did another poo shortly afterwards. I changed that one too!

Yes get a job, become more independent , it's amazing how empowered you will feel to not put up with stuff like this. Your kids are old enough to not need you at home full time and the 2yo can go to childcare. I've read a few of your threads and think it's time you did something about being treated this way.

It's hard to tell based on that - was he apologetic about being knackered?

Occasionally I get home (having driven) and all I'm seeing is rows of headlights and I just can't - I need to do nothing for a while. Not often, but it does happen. I don't recall it ever happening when the kids were tiny - maybe mum instincts override it. These days mine are teens and it's acceptable for me to say "you two will need to empty the car, I've got to sit down."

If your DH is regularly tired to the point of being unable to get out of bed and help with his own kids, he needs to see a doctor. Working hard shouldn't do this.

Only if you need the money....SAHM is a worthy job in itself - you just have to reeducate your husband!! Maybe let him read this thread

Not really apologetic but I think he seems to have forgotten how important it is to change nappies. Due to 3 consective changes we were likely to runout and he thought that one nappy would be fine for6 hours.!

tbh I am happy to be a virtual sahm but it frustrates me that I never seem able to clock off as such.I may get a few hours in the evening once every couple of weeks but invariably I will returnto atoddler in a soiled nappy. He can't always have just done it.

Firstlyl, two hours is hardly a long and onerous drive. Secondly, he's a complete arse for not pulling his weight and being a parent.

Does he really not understand about nappy rash? Does he really not care about his child? I'm sure he cares very much, but he could do with demonstrating it. And he could do with showing that he cares about you too.