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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Should I ring and complain about this teacher?

79 replies

BirdhouseInYourSoul · 14/11/2014 18:52

Genuinely don't know if I'm being U and a bit precious here so thought I'd ask here. Please be gentle...

DD had her appendix out 11 days ago. She's been back to school yesterday and today for half days. Mostly she's ok. Keyhole surgery so not too sore but she is pretty tired out most of the time.

Today she had food tech - double lesson so just under two hours. They were doing a practical thing and they have to stand at the workbenches. Halfway through DD asks if she can bring a stall over to sit down but he refused on health and safety grounds.

If that's true then fair enough. But as soon as DD had finished her part she asked if she could sit over at the tables for the last half hour as she was tired and sore. She still would have been able to hear and participate but he said no. No explanation - just a straight and abrupt 'NO'. he knew about her appendix btw.

She is quite shy and never the type to challenge a teacher so stood there for the remainder of the lesson in pain.

I am fuming really. It doesn't help that I cannot stand this teacher and feel he is overly aggressive to his pupils. Last term he humiliated DD because the school asked for a voluntary contribution and I refused (this is another thread tbh. I was one of many parents who did)

Because of how I feel about him I don't know if I'm over reacting about this. Should I ring on monday and complain?

OP posts:

KatieKaye · 14/11/2014 19:56

That was totally unreasonable of the teacher - I would definitely put something in writing to the school.
Hope DD is feeling better.

LuluJakey1 · 14/11/2014 19:59

I am a teacher and I would expect a complaint if one of our staff did this- it isn't acceptable or kind.

redexpat · 14/11/2014 20:01

Im projecting here but as someone who had their appendix out aged 13 and got NO support from school with idiot teachers expecting me just to bounce back and carry on PLEASE kick their arses.

ChippingInAutumnLover · 14/11/2014 20:05

Definitely complain and tell the Head that if they cannot guarantee that DD can sit when she needs to and/or leave when she needs to without any fuss then she wont be returning, at all, until she's fully better.

Git.

for DD & for you!

TheReluctantCountess · 14/11/2014 20:08

You say the teacher knew, but did he remember at the time? A teacher can see over 200 pupils in a day - it is possible he forgot.

But I do agree that he should have let her sit, if he was aware.

TheReluctantCountess · 14/11/2014 20:09

I also think that a member of senior pastoral staff should have given her a note/pass to carry around with her to show to staff.

Original poster

BirdhouseInYourSoul · 14/11/2014 20:09

I'm definitely going to complain on monday thanks for every ones advice.

OP posts:

ZeViteVitchofCwismas · 14/11/2014 20:10

Yes its disgusting. Complain.

TheReluctantCountess · 14/11/2014 20:10

11 days seems quick to be back at school. The NHS website says normal activity can usually be resumed at two weeks.

cardamomginger · 14/11/2014 20:11

Keyhole surgery may 'only' be a small hole, but it still goes all the way in!

When I had my gallbladder out laparascopically, I was in pain for a good few weeks following. And the GA can make you feel exhausted.

She's had abdominal surgery and this will impact on her core stability and strength. I'm not surprised she found standing too much.

I think you should most definitely complain. I feel really quite angry for her.

ZeViteVitchofCwismas · 14/11/2014 20:11

You say the teacher knew, but did he remember at the time? A teacher can see over 200 pupils in a day - it is possible he forgot.

How many children will have just had their appendix out its his business to remember and know, if he has form for problems retaining information, he could write it on his hand. That child is in his care for that lesson as he pointed out with the health and safety issue.

TheHatInTheCat · 14/11/2014 20:15

Absolutely complain..... but do you think it would make any difference?
I only ask as I am in a different but similar situation and am hesitating about complaining. I'm worried I would make the situation worse, can I turn an unkind teacher into a kind one or do I just have to wait the school year out?

whatever5 · 14/11/2014 20:16

You should phone the school about it. It would have been a good idea for you to have informed the school in writing that she was not to do too much standing etc though. The teacher may not have realised that she shouldn't be standing for long periods.

CaptainSparklePants · 14/11/2014 20:18

It's the general anaesthetic that exhausts you though (or so I've found). It does funny things to you, and within 2 weeks of my laparoscopy I couldn't have stood for more than 15 minutes. Partly due to the surgery, but also due to the GA. I also couldn't wear trousers as they dug in!

Glad you are complaining. He clearly lacks empathy and sounds like one of those people who enjoys making others' lives difficult because he can.

MrsPiggie · 14/11/2014 20:23

Yes, complain and make sure your daughter knows you are fighting for her. Unkindness at this age has a lasting effect. I still remember clearly incidents from my own school years when teachers had acted like insensitive twats.

DiddlyBiddly · 14/11/2014 20:25

Can understand not pulling a stool up to the workbench, but absolutely inexcusable to not let her go and sit at the table

Original poster

BirdhouseInYourSoul · 14/11/2014 20:27

thereluctantcountess the hospital said she could start back in a week on half days but I felt that really was too early. Once she was done to hardly any pain relief I thought she would be ok.

The teacher knew - she had shown him her pass when she went into the classroom. The note explains what she had done and that she is to be excused early or at any time should she fee unwell.

The school have been helpful by provided her with a place to sit quietly etc. None of the other teachers have had to be told that she can't specifically stand for log periods. If she hadn't mentioned it fair enough, but she explained she was in pain and he ignored that.

Thehatinthecat - I get what you are saying. It is a worry and in some part I am feeling a bit anxious that he may have been mean to her because we have crossed paths before. But actually, that just makes me crosser. He shouldn't take out his dislike of me on her at all.

The anaesthetic is wiping her out. She has slept for a couple of hours after coming back poor thing.

OP posts:

Original poster

BirdhouseInYourSoul · 14/11/2014 20:30

so many spelling mistakes.

Can I blame the kitten?

Yeah, I'll blame the kitten currently sitting on my chest...

OP posts:

lomega · 14/11/2014 20:51

your poor dd. I really hope you complain. put it in writing first and follow up with a phone call.

NeedaDiscoNap · 14/11/2014 20:56

YADNBU! Phone the school and complain. I'm a teacher and sadly have had to reinforce this kind of thing with idiotic colleagues who either think they don't need to bother themselves with children's personal circumstances or don't care.

Definitely complain OP - your poor daughter.

whatever5 · 14/11/2014 21:03

The teacher knew - she had shown him her pass when she went into the classroom. The note explains what she had done and that she is to be excused early or at any time should she fee unwell.

He has no excuse then and was just being unpleasant. I would certainly complain.

Lindy2 · 14/11/2014 21:05

If I had been made to stand for that long just 11 days after having my appendix out I'd probably have collapsed. I have never felt so run down and exhausted in my life. It took about 3 weeks for me to be fit for anything. Your poor daughter just have been very tired and uncomfortable and that won't help her overall healing. I would want an explanation from the teacher and would make a complaint. His petty behaviour was at the expense of your child's health.

EskiDecaff · 14/11/2014 21:12

I'd say she is very brave being back at school after 11 days, bet she feels poorly still! My sister felt fine after a few days with that surgery but I had it and was wiped out for weeks! I feel for her, it's not nice at all.

wanttosqueezeyou · 14/11/2014 21:16

He was unecessarily cruel and someone should seriously call him on it.

TheFairyCaravan · 14/11/2014 21:19

YANBU.

Poor girl, hope she is feeling better soon. I think I kept DS1 home for 2 weeks when he had his out, he was really wiped out. My brother was off ages 30 years ago, his was open surgery, he certainly wasn't digging any gardens. He was really quite poorly.

I think people forget how ill and wiped out anaesthetics make you, let alone the actual surgery.

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