to dread Christmas and wish it Wasn't on it's way

[baaahhumbug]

The expense.
The forced 3 day lock-down
Enforced jollity
Crowds everywhere
The huge Expense
Being ripped off.
Family fall outs.
Hideous Xmas music blaring out in all the shops.
All the tat that is bought.

I know I should like it but I don't.
Any other Bahhumbugs out there?

I find it the loneliest time of the year. Very few people to buy presents for, no visitors, no one to visit.

I wish I could ignore it. But my lovely DCs will expect their Christmas lunch. So I have to go through the motions but with no Christmas spirit. Then they go off to their other parents and I'm left alone. I'm dreading it already.

And for weeks before, people at work talk about the vast amounts of food they have to buy to feed friends or families, or how they need outfits for Christmas parties.

I wish I could just stay in bed with a book, or hibernate.

Lesser im sorry to hear you are feeling this way. Xmas can magnify loneliness. I used to love it but am feeling low this year and not looking forward to it either.

Hibernating sounds bloody tempting right now.

I'm in Oz where Xmas isn't quite as big a drama as in UK or Ireland, and while I will miss my mum at Xmas, the rest of it will be great! Our employers shut for two weeks so basically we have two weeks of lazing by the pool, beach, bbq etc. Xmas day we will meet some pommy friends at the beach and take the obligatory annoying beach pic in santa hats. We are also going to spend a couple of days in a posh hotel, I can't bloody wait!

This year I wish it wasn't coming. Left h 2 weeks ago so me and the dc are living out of a suitcase at my parents in one room. I have no idea how I will buy them anything tbh dd keeps going on about something she wants (the only time in her life she's actually wanted something expensive) and I know she will be disappointed. Ds wouldn't know of I cancelled it but it should be the first year he's really excited about it .

I know us being together and safe is the most important thing. Just feel I've failed them. Next year hopefully we'll have a little house and they will finally have there own rooms.

I love Christmas. But I get a knot in my tummy , I can't sleep & there are times it feels like I can't breathe with the pressure of it. Esp the expense. For our family who literally live day to day (we both work but low paid jobs & bills take everything) it's awful & that's with my buying everything in sales starting early. This year we have to get a new tree & Dec's as ours broke last year. I still have to get nieces & nephews there bits, partner his the kids needs 1 more thing each & I haven't even started on the Xmas food & drink. (Although with everything else it maybe beans on toast & water)
So I am starting to creep into the humbug camp.

Newlife you haven't failed your kids

They will get a better life, as I'm sure you left your H for a very good reason.

sally your kids have you and that is all they really need

Thanks AF

The best reason, to protect them and for them not to be made to feel worthless. I love snuggling in with them at night and I wake up happy everyday. My fin aces are fucked and I'll probably not be able to buy another again but in truth I don't care about that stuff. They are happier and haven't asked for him once !

That tells you all you need to know x

Fucking hell this thread is sad. I am soaking up the despair of some posters. That's good as mumsnet can be a great sponge helping slough off some of the sadness and stress and hopefully that helps.

Honestly I just wonder if a load of blokes would post about Christmas like this? As women we are so conditioned to people please we take on too much responsibility for other people's happiness, obviously not our kids, but random bloody relatives.

I hope posting has helped some people on here to at least realise they are not alone.

love I second that you have not failed, you have taken the hardest first step I know its that old cliche saying but things can only get better from here on in. Wishing you and you kids a happy future.

Sally do you have any local church's nearby as I know ours give the trees away once the have finished with xmas fetes (usually week before xmas) also ask your local children's centre or HV about food bank voucher even if its just a one off

Our family is many and varied..... rich, poor, divorced, together, working, not etc..... We start Christmas planning with the motto

IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE PERFECT

anyone who's short on cash does not have to buy anything, anyone who wants to bow out of festivities for whatever reason can just do so, some have a tree, some don't, some want to get together, some don't. We all call each other and wish Merry Christmas - but have no need for "stuff" and "all the trappings".

Christmas is for kids...they are the only reason why I bother with it! I could live the rest of my life happily without another Christmas ever!

Why can't one of the people who lives alone do Christmas one year? then you can just not go

LoveBeing - a Christmas without fear is the best kind.

I think a lot of "stress" comes from expectations/comparisions.

I would strip it right back to what absolutely I considered the bare minimum then build on what I thought I could cope with. So probably for me the bare minimum is: a main present for each of the DCs, a nice meal on Christmas day, a cosy Christmas eve, new clothes for the kids for Christmas day.

The "bolt on" bits would be things like stocking fillers for DCs, presents for wider family, a "posh" meal on Christmas day, doing the buffet for extended family on Boxing day. Already I know I'm not going to do the buffet this tear - it's been an exhausting, stressful year and I just want to spend Boxing day relaxing, watching rubbish films and having a wintery walk. I'm probably not going to go all out on a "posh" meal either and settle for "nice".

Although many people complain when Christmas gets mentioned too early, I think if you're clear early on about what you're doing or not doing, people get their heads around it. If you leave it until 3 days before Christmas and then say, actually MIL, we're just having a quiet Christmas this year then understandably that'll not go down too well.

Just do what you want, then. Stay at home with your immediate family and have the relaxed lunch you want to have.

We don't really 'do' Christmas. Get a couple of basic presents for one or two family members (parents & kids), eat whatever we fancy at lunch/dinner time, go to the park/play board games/mess about like kids with the kids. No demands, no stress, just a pleasant few days of relaxing and enjoying ourselves. We may pop over to various family members' houses for a cuppa, but only if we fancy it. People are welcome at ours for a bite to eat if they want. To be honest, we treat it a bit like it's just another bank holiday weekend.

Thank you for starting this thread OP. I can't bloody bear it either. The most overhyped day of the year, enforced jollity, pressure to spend time with family, happy families stuff shoved down your throat from early November. Its just ghastly. And like some other posters, both DP and I have pretty crap family situations, which just feel even more painful at this time of year.

I love mince pies and Christmas cake but all of the rest of it can jog on. I don't 'do' Christmas either - have never put up so much as a sprig of holly, DP and I don't buy each other gifts, avoid all Xmas parties and the like. We don't have children so that's not an issue. I know it all sounds terribly grumpy, but I don't see why we have to all enjoy the same things!

I wish Christmas was completely secular and then I could opt out. My thought every year is 'What has all this got to do with a baby in a manger?'
It is a lonely time of year for so many and it just enforces feelings of isolation.
We do have our immediate family over for lunch, but it is pretty much like any Sunday. Last year we had a 'no presents for adults' rule.
It just makes me sad thinking of all the money wasted on 'stuff' when there are so many needy people in the world.

I'm also not a great fan of Christmas. We too have some fucked up family dynamics and it can all be really stressful. In fact the stress is already starting with regard to wider family. I will try and be Christmassy for the sake of the dcs who are still quite young, although dd1, 10, now knows officially that there is no Santa, so feeling a bit sad about that and hoping she'll keep quiet for the others. I would just like to stay at home in our house, just us and have steak and chips for dinner. I just can't stand the rest of it and it starts so bloody early.

I don't celebrate Christmas. Just DH, so we are not denying DC a good time!
Neither of us believe in God.
I send one Christmas card, to my Mum and Dad, and get them the smallest gift. I buy them presents throughout the year, sending DVDs CDs , cakes chocs in between my visits. They love being suprised. I also do the same with my closest friends. I like to give them a present during the year that makes me think of them when I see it, rather than being pressured into buying some overpriced boxed gift set.
Personally, I think Christmas can bring out the worst in people. One upmanship and competition lead normally sane people to spend obscene amounts of money on food, drink and gifts, spend £3 a roll on wrapping paper trying to impress other people.
I also think it is a very sad time of year, as the divide between the haves and have nots gets wider and wider. To those who are bereaved, homeless, facing tragedy, the lonely, those with extreme financial problems fleeing DV, etc etc it must seem like another planet watching all those ads on the TV suggesting the perfect situation is a huge family gathered around a table groaning with food, swapping £50 'stocking fillers'.
All the greed in the name of someone the majority don't actively worship or follow makes me sad.

'Personally, I think Christmas can bring out the worst in people'

Very much agree. I know not everyone goes demented over it, but it does magnify any pettiness or unpleasantness. Huge amount of control freakery too, over who spends Christmas where etc.

So do you and your DH just spend the day together? How fantastic

I am looking forward to 25 th December, because DH and I will have 5 days off together. I work shifts and we only have 1 wekend in three together. I will probably make a roast dinner as we have time to enjoy it. It will just be nice to be at home together pottering around, maybe watch a DVD or two.

Enjoras, your post is very sensitive and perceptive IMO. It is a very sad time of year for the reasons you've mentioned. It's a very loaded time too, I think, and shows up the cracks in people's lives.

A friend of mine finds it a very difficult time too and she finds that it helps to volunteer at a shelter for homeless people over the holiday period. I think that's such an admirable thing to do and keep telling myself I'll do it, but to my shame I haven't yet.

Sounds wonderful Enjoras, hope you both enjoy every second of it Do you have any idea how many people would give their eye teeth to trade places with you?!

Last year was the first time we spent the Christmas period together in about 8 years as FIL died 9 years ago and DH went to be with mIL (I couldn't due to work and distance) so I spent Christmas Day on my own. dH knew I was totally fine, and we could not have left an 85 year old on her own ( she died 18 moths ago) People would get horrified, bless them, that I was spending Christmas Day on my own and I would end up with a dozen invitations.
I used to love it, it was just like another day to me. The only concession I made was to cook some M&S pork belly squares (Christmas party range) and a huge jacket potato. Heaven!

Thank you for your kind comments. If anyone reading this is dreading Christmas because of financial problems, loneliness, because it is the first year without some special, or illness, I hope it is not too hard for you and that 2015 brings you a little light and peace.