to dread Christmas and wish it Wasn't on it's way

[baaahhumbug]

The expense.
The forced 3 day lock-down
Enforced jollity
Crowds everywhere
The huge Expense
Being ripped off.
Family fall outs.
Hideous Xmas music blaring out in all the shops.
All the tat that is bought.

I know I should like it but I don't.
Any other Bahhumbugs out there?

So I tell the two on their own people that I'm not inviting them this year?
Then I have the rest of the family on my back for being so mean and uncaring.

grockle, it seems quite clear you don't understand fucked up family dynamics

oh, if it were so simple

I do, actually. Which is exactly how I know there is only one way to deal with fucked up families. Make your own way.
It's simple in one way, very hard in others. But if you always do what you've always done, you'll keep getting what you've always got.

At some point you have to take responsibility for your own happiness. Or play the martyr your whole life.

We have people like this in our family.

Could you try: Email saying you've decided that so much has gone on this year that you and your immediate family are bowing out and going to have Christmas in your PJs/head to blackpool/whatever. You hope they'll all understand. You'd love to catch up with them in January.

I am glad you have it sorted, grockle

Some of us obviously have a lot of catching up to do

well what do you want people to say to "I really hate christmas because I feel like I have to do allthis shit I hate" other than "stop fucking doing it then"?

I hope everybody currently struggling under the weight of obligation gets to where you are very soon

punygod roll on that 5pm then.

Happy so sorry at your post. Hope you are ok? Christmas can be a bugger!

People, even awkward people, often respond to a plea for space in general. It is always harder if, say, you invite one aunt but not the other - that is just not nice.

I could always ask my Doc for some Prozac, or something, and spend the whole season in a drug induced haze, while everything washes over me

Sounds really appealing.

Grocklebox you are right that it can be done, but it is very hard to fight against family manipulation and expectation. Controlling or needy people use things like Christmas to guilt you into playing along. If you resist, you are no fun or bah humbug or hurting people's feelings and then other people in the family will take sides etc. etc.

I have done it - pulled away from relatives and put my foot down to the extent that we don't have to see any of them at Christmas - and I'm glad I did but it took years for me to pluck up the courage and when I did it, my god did the shit hit the fan.

So many people are made miserable by family at Christmas but its the "season of goodwill" (i.e. having to be nice about people who behave appallingly) so the pressure not to renege on it is huge.

Any Fucker i TOTALLY get it. DH hates christmas and doesnt really want to see my parents. Makes me laugh wryly and ironically because they think women/i should always defer to the man and in a fallout they would (and have done especially my DM) taken his side against mine. Yet he doesnt really like my parents.

I used to love Xmas but resentment over things can build and since i turned 40 ive decided im not putting up with any crap.

I put up with a lot less crap than I used to DE. Some of it is really fucking hard to ditch though.

The brilliant Dave Allen on the stress of Christmas.

YY AF That is very true

Is he still alive?

Unfortunately he died in 2005 I read his biography earlier this year. He was AMAZING

Now if the BBC were to repeat more of his shows over Christmas that would make Christmas for me.

He was hilarious! Its sad he's no longer here. Yes, repeats of his shows would get me feeling more Christmasy along with some prozac

Just stay in your own home then op

Spending a few days locked inside in front of the fire, cooking food for relatives and drinking sherry/wine/whisky while playing board games and cards. Sounds like an excellent time of year.

YY baah He was before his time too While other comedians were making jokes about their mothers in law he was reminiscing about growing up in Ireland and his experience of Catholicism. He really stood out amongst the other more sexist comedians of his day. Hes my favourite and he is one i would happily pay to go and see if he was still with us.

I love Christmas but yes, it's all just so complicated isn't it. You can't just walk away from obligation or responsibility so you have to make many compromises. I don't think I'll be able to truly have a Christmas 100% my way until I'm old and my parents have shuffled off. But by then I'll be the passive aggressive one, making it awkward for DS :)

I don't get why so many people don't just want to have a pleasant time. Instead, they want to use the platform of Christmas to huff and puff and look aggrieved but refuse to say why or allow anybody a chance to rectify their apparent faults.

As for slumping in front of the telly, I wish! I'd love to do that. But my mum doesn't really do popular culture and her sofas are of the non slumping variety so we tape lots and slump back at home in the general Christmas period.

Having said all that, I'm the only person in the known universe who really loves the annual Christmas office party - mine is an extremely classy one which includes travel to London. It's one of the highlights of my year. Oh and mulled cider.

I am not especially looking forward to Xmas, as it will first of all be a week with the in-laws staying, who are very nice and calm and predictable but who I just don't mesh with at all and find extremely dull and stifling for that length of time. Their idea of Christmas is not mine.

Then off to my parents' for the second part of Christmas, which will be the opposite. They are more fun and I can let go around them, but it will all eventually end in tears as they will inevitably row and be horrible to each other and the atmosphere will end up being awful and toxic and hateful.

I actually quite like the idea of Christmas and all the build up, and shopping and cooking and Christmas food and songs and everything. But the festive period itself is always pretty bad and there is nothing much I will ever be able to do to change that.

So, I hear you OP. But I guess we should try to make the best of things. Alternatively the drug induced haze sounds very tempting.

"complicated" yes, very true MZ