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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbourly or over the top???

26 replies

ChristmasIsComing2014 · 11/11/2014 14:17

We have the loveliest neighbours going, we are very good friends with them, they are a retired couple and like grandparents to our children. I have keys to their house and will let myself in if they are out and I wanted to borrow the scales or something, as they would do with us (sorry- example of how close we are). We spend christmas with them and they always come to dc's parties etc, they are like family.
Anyway they have been away and had building work done whilst away. I went into the house and it is in a state, muddy footprints, dust, grub up walls etc. My neighbours like to keep a very clean house but both suffer with mobility issues. I want to go in a clean the house before they get back but the work was mainly done in the bedroom, Dh thinks its overstepping friendship, I think they'd appreciate it. I also think they will be horrified and very upset to come home to house in the state it is and would struggle to be able to sort it all themselves but would hate to ask for help.
WIBU to go and make it good for them before they come home given the close nature of our relationship.

OP posts:
Greenoes · 11/11/2014 14:18

I think your idea is lovely Thanks

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 11/11/2014 14:20
  1. Regret something you did, rather than something you didn't.
  2. It's easier to get forgiveness than permission.
dexter73 · 11/11/2014 14:21

I'm not sure tbh. I wouldn't like my neighbours letting themselves into my house to borrow stuff so I wouldn't want you to decide to tidy up for me. However you obviously have a this type of relationship with them, and as they have mobility issues then maybe it would be ok to tidy up for them.

TheWitTank · 11/11/2014 14:23

I think it's a lovely thing to do. You are obviously very close and a quick hoover and mop round isn't intrusive.

thegreylady · 11/11/2014 14:23

I think you should do it given the nature of the relationship. I would also take a photo of the mess to show them why you did it. I imagine they would be delighted.

ILovePud · 11/11/2014 14:25

I think your motives are very sweet but I wouldn't be comfortable with this, but then I wouldn't be comfortable with neighbours popping into my house to borrow things (and I have lovely neighbours). I'd suggest texting to say that you noticed the mess the workmen made and were going to clean it up but just wanted to check first whether they're ok with that. You sound very kind and thoughtful though.

KingJoffreysBloodshotEye · 11/11/2014 14:27

If you're that close then yes. I think it would be a nice thing to do.

katiegee · 11/11/2014 14:28

Like dexter, I'm not sure I'd feel comfortable with someone coming into my house and cleaning while I was away. But you clearly have a close relationship with them so i think it would probably be okay and they would appreciate it. It is very kind and thoughtful of you and you know your neighbours best and the sort of relationship you have with them.

Could you give them a text to let them know you are going to do some cleaning for them and give them an opportunity to object? Or give their bedroom a 'rough' going over in time for them coming home and then go round and do it properly once they are home?

HRMumness · 11/11/2014 14:28

Take a photo then clean or drop them a message first asking if they would like you to. Very nice of you to even consider it.
I'd love to have kind thoughtful neighbours unlike ours who are utter pains in the arse

Vitalstatistix · 11/11/2014 14:40

Are you sure the people doing the work won't clean up the mess?

If you know the company, could you phone and say this is unacceptable, come and clean up.

Because it simply isn't acceptable to leave a place in such a mess.

However, if that isn't possible then yes, I would. And I wouldn't say anything. They'd never have to know that the people doing the work had left it in an unacceptable state, they'd just think they'd cleaned up after themselves. And an elderly couple with mobility problems wouldn't come home to a terrible mess that would upset them and leave them struggling to clean.

Original poster
ChristmasIsComing2014 · 11/11/2014 14:47

Thanks tbh I was thinking of just not telling them, they have been through a horrible year (husband has a degenerative disease hence the long holiday before he worsens) and I know it would upset them, regardless if I cleaned it up or not. will think about it though and maybe send a text.

Workmen finished a few days ago and not sure of company, could find out I am sure.

OP posts:
Vitalstatistix · 11/11/2014 14:50

If they went away while the work was being done, it may be that they did so to avoid the stress of having to live with the mess.

Imagine them having to come home to it and have to try to deal with it!

I'd have to do whatever I could to spare them that.

CarbeDiem · 11/11/2014 15:09

If you're close like you say then yes it would be a nice thing to do. I'd also take a photo first to show them the mess so that they can see for themselves why you decided to clean it.

outofcontrol2014 · 11/11/2014 15:46

Awwwwww! You sound lovely.

I think I would try to clean up without appearing to have done so. I mean - run the hoover around and get rid of the worst of it, and then let them think the workmen were just really tidy? I know it means you won't get (deserved) credit, but it also means you don't have to deal with the issue while doing something really kind.

I suspect that if you text or ask they will say 'No, no, no, don't be silly, we'll do it'... and worry about the mess while they are away... and struggle to cope when they get back.

TheWitTank · 11/11/2014 15:49

Very disappointing that the builders left it that way though! You would think they would have tidied up a bit. I would probably just clean up and not mention it to them. No need to be sending pictures if they are already stressed out.

FunkyBoldRibena · 11/11/2014 15:50

I think call the company first and complain about the state they left it in and get them round to do a clean, and then just tidy up the edges.

Original poster
ChristmasIsComing2014 · 11/11/2014 19:23

Thanks all, I went in and tidied. I know some people will disagree with this but had a lovely text saying how relaxed and looking forward to coming home they are and was everything good with house and I didn't have heart to tell them. Will get in touch with company though privately as it took me over an hour to get marks out of carpet! When dh saw the state he agreed right move and came in and helped.

OP posts:
Hatetidyingthehouse · 11/11/2014 19:37

Do it

Hatetidyingthehouse · 11/11/2014 19:37

Ah you've done it!Grin

Tierradelfuego · 11/11/2014 19:40

That's really lovely, what a fantastic neighbour and friend you are Smile.

Lovemcgarrett · 11/11/2014 19:48

You sound so lovely. I don't think it is a step too far, I would hate to come back from holiday to a dirty house x

Lovemcgarrett · 11/11/2014 19:48

ThanksThanks

ColdCottage · 11/11/2014 19:54

From your relationship I think that it would be fine. They might not even know.

You could leave some flowers and just say you had a quick Hoover etc to tidy after builders as you know you'd have hated to come back to a mess and that they do so much for you.

magimedi · 11/11/2014 19:55

I think you did the right thing.

You don't have to tell them.

Would you like to come & live next door to me, please?

Notmeagain1 · 11/11/2014 19:56

Ahh you are a wonderful person to have done that for them. Well done.Smile also even more well done on getting DH to helpGrin.

I know your neighbors may never know what you have done, but you can sleep with a smile on your face tonight.

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