To feel a rental failure

[Welshie1234]

Basically we rent and always have done mainly because by the time we had saved a deposit we were priced out of the market and due to house price inflation we can't keep up with our savings. I am now 40 and my dh is older and we have 2 kids. We live in an expensive city but have good jobs, friends, a life and the dcs are settled in school and have friends.
I want to own my own house I really do - I hate the insecurity of renting and have worked hard to try and make it happen but we just can't afford a deposit as the goal posts keep changing.
I get constant family pressure- we are viewed as the poor relations, as idiots for not buying sooner. We get comments about how ridiculous it is we pay high rent. A friend said to me that they couldnt imagine being in our 'situation'. I get told 'renting is dead money' regularly. My mother rang me yesterday (final straw) to tell me about my cousin's new house with big garden but the underlying theme is always everyone else can buy so what is wrong with you!

AIBU to feel like some kind of social failure?

I am so fed up of it all and dread (avoid) family occasions as I don't have the answers to our supposed 'situation'.

What I would love to see is longer lease periods - ie 5 or 10 years. That would enable more stability at least for people who rent.

Ifnotnowthenwhen thank you so much for that information - I wonder if the council here are doing that. I will look at getting back into bidding then - I just got discouraged because everywhere I went for had around 200 (yes really) people above us. And don't worry, I haven't let it lapse.

I just did a mortgage calculation based on my income (DH has no income that could be counted for this, as he's a student, and was previously unemployed). There is a 1 bedroom flat, a static caravan & a market stall in our price range - none of which would be suitable for a family with a toddler. I imagine the lack of deposit would be a problem too. To suggest that people shouldn't have kids until they own a house is insulting & patronising, like renting in the UK marks you out as a failure or something. It's exactly this attitude the OP is struggling with, from her family. I would hate to be the child of anyone with this attitude, it's a hell of a lot to live up to, knowing your parents will be disappointed in you if you are unable or unwilling to buy a house.

The problem with the idea of building lots of cheap to build housing is that the build cost might be low but the land price would still be huge so you still wouldn't have cheap houses, they would still be massively expensive.

OP don't worry about it, it sounds like family/relatives have no understanding of the modern world. Renting is not dead money and thought it is nice to own a house it is not always better financially or in terms of flexibility, that depends a lot on where you live in the country, how much responsibility you are willing to take in terms of repairs and also the risk of defaulting on a mortgage.

fakenamefornow The problem with the idea of building lots of cheap to build housing is that the build cost might be low but the land price would still be huge so you still wouldn't have cheap houses, they would still be massively expensive

But that's because the planning system in this country works on the basis of zoning, hence land which is zoned or even likely to be zoned (I wonder how that happens...) acquires an artificial value. Only big developers can afford to buy it (and often sit on it for years waiting for zoning) and they get slightly more profit out of more expensive houses. In economic terms, the government and the developers along with local authorities responsible for granting planning permission have restricted the competitiveness of the market so as to virtually remove all but the biggest players. That isn't good for competitive prices, and so the circle keeps going on.

If we had a minimum percentage rule that say 25% of all new builds had to be self build and had a rather more modern and intelligent approach to town and country planning, it might make house ownership more possible for many. It might also raise standards - its not as if the current planning system encourage the building of proper infrastructure or sustainable communities.

Instead of having a pop at you OP your relatives should be very angry with the governments which have allowed this situation to develop over the last 12 years. Having a secure safe home for all should be absolutely doable in this wealthy country such as ours. Instead governments over the last 12 years have allowed housing costs to rise beyond what is comfortably affordable for ordinary people. Deregulation of banks leading to subprime mortgages, government addiction to stamp duty, rubbish pension provision and low interst rates on savings leading to stampede ofbuy to lets, unchecked rises in population, selling of masses of new builds to foreign property speculators. It's an absolute disgrace the situation the housing situation has become and I lay the blame firmly at the feet of our politicians.
Government is here in order to improve the lives of the citizens in this aspect they have failed totally

Don't be bloody daft! The whole purpose of property is to have a roof over your head. Somewhere to make a home. How you finance that roof is down to you. So long as you can afford the rent you're OK. If the comments get too much for you, start pointed conversations about the cost of house repairs and "Would the 'mansion tax' hit you as hard as the papers say?" There's a new financial reality in the world today. You have adjusted to it - your critics haven't.

anyone that's been paying rent for say 2 years and is not in debt imo a mortgage because they have shown and proved they can pay, there should be help for people in this situation

also min wag should be increased to 8pounds ph

We've paid nearly £40k on rent in the three years we've been here. I wish we had a deposit.

Yes, it is frightening about how much rent has been paid. But, despite the last 15-years, buying a house is not the same as a savings account.

We could think that about anything, petrol, heating, etc.

I am not unsympathetic, we are in the same situation, I must have spent over 120k on rent. It's just circumstances. Although something does need to be done about security of tenancies.

What happens to all these people who never can buy a house and are still renting when they have retired? How do they afford rent!??

I rent council and I'm unlikely to be able to buy so what will happen to me??

Is there going to be some massive crisis in 40 or 50 years where there's loads of elderly people that are too old and / or sick to work and also can't pay their rent? Scary

GaryShitpeas - there is HB available to pensioners, and as you're unlikely to have DCs at home, be able to move to renting smaller flats.

It'll be more of an issue for people who bought later in life so haven't cleared the mortgage by the time they want /need to retire, and there's a substaintial amount coming up to retirement who treated house price rises as their money, remortgaging to release that money for various reasons and therefore not paid it off before retirement. There's people who've bought interest only mortgages with little thought about how they would pay off the orignal debt, they will be in a mess come retirement.

Ah ok thanks for clearing that up been worried about it

The whole things a joke though I work and I work damn hard yet still can't buy a place, I don't want to rent for ever

If it makes you feel any better, we are purchaser failures. By that I mean, we bought at the peak, but now the house is worth less, so we would loose a lot if we sold which we cannot afford to do. To add insult to injury house now needs whole new roof & chimney sorting which is going to cost us a lot more money we don't have...

cruikshank move to Selby, North Yorkshire. Last year my council gave a 3 bed house to a family with 2 toddlers (so paying bedroom tax from the day they moved in) who didn't even qualify for the house, lived in a nice, detached private rental, so were not homeless - and who, according to the woman, only took the house as "I liked the French windows". wtf. These people came from a neighbouring council area had no jobs or family here and no reason to come here.

They clearly have no waiting list to speak of. I'd give Selby a try. They seem to be chucking lovely rural council houses at anyone.

Imho, the person who invented that bloody phrase "the property ladder" wants shooting ! We lost our lovely big house on a golf course ten years ago when our previously very profitable business went under (it's a long story). Thank goodness my husband found work abroad, where at the age of 60, we' re renting a lovely apartment very cheaply. I'm always astounded when I go back to the UK and see how obsessed people are with whether or not they own their home. All they seem to want to do is talk kitchens and soft furnishings - drives me nuts !

I completely sympathise with your situation. Myself DW and 2 DCs are now in our 3rd rental home in 3 years through no fault of our own. We've paid the rent and been model tennants we just always seem to get settled and then something happens. First house Landlady passed away and her family couldn't be bothered with continuing so sold the house from under us, we moved and were just getting settled then a year and half down the line our Landlady got into financial difficulty and had to sell. We've moved again 6 month's ago with promises of long a term tenancy after initial 6 month's. Initial tenancy is due to end and LL is now suggesting she "isn't in a position to offer long term as with the current Covid situation she's not sure how the next couple of years are going to be for everyone" We've never missed a rental payment so that just screams to me that she's heading down the same path as the two previous and just not telling us. I'm fed up of dragging my 2 Children from house to house. They're due to start school In September and we've secured a place at the local Primary School so if we do end up moving it's going to cause no end of upheaval for them. We've got £22,000 saved for a deposit which would get is shared ownership at best. I have a reasonable wage but as we have twins it made sense for my Wife to stay at home with the DCs until they start school as her working just to pay Childcare is counter productive. Shes ready to start looking for work but what's the point of we don't know where we're going to be living a year down the line and Mortgage lenders won't take her situation into consideration until she's been in a job for 3 months plus. My family often make sure they remind me how terrible I am for dragging my kids around and that we move too much. They've all got mortgages as they bought at a time when houses were cheaper and banks were giving 100% mortgages away in cereal packets. Shared ownership is perfect for considering it's only my wage that can be calculated for affordability but none ever seem to come on the market that are big enough for what we need or close enough to my workplace and family, friends etc. People who have never rented can be so bloody ignorant at times as to what it's like, and I'm sorry but it frustrates me when everyone has an opinion and no clue what they're talking about. They sit there in their nice secure homes criticising renters life choices and like complete stuck up ignorant snobs. So yes OP I sympathise completely. I hope something changes for the likes of us soon as it's a horrible crappy way of living for us. Sending best wishes and luck to yourself and everyone in our situation for a solution somewhere in the near future for all of us. 😞