To think my DM has lost too much weight and needs to stop now?

[WooWooDog]

My mum has been dieting with a well known national slimming chain for over a year now. I believe what started out with good intentions has got out of control and become an obsession. She's over a stone lighter than she was when she started which sounds good but she was only ever slightly overweight to begin with and has never been obese. She's absolutely militant about what she eats, and has now taken to skipping lunch and cutting out all snacks which is unhealthy.

Her weight loss has now plateaued and she's become frustrated because she's adamant she wants to loose another half stone, she refused to accept it's because maybe she doesn't need to lose anymore. She's often tired, snappy and irritable with people which I believe is down to hunger and I dare say a loss of nutrients, I wouldn't be surprised if she's not given herself a deficiency. She's also gone to look really haggard and drawn, she's 60 years of age and as harsh as this sounds when you get older you can't get away with a huge weight loss, especially when you didn't need to loose that much in the first place.

I don't know how to address this though.She was absolutely furious when my Aunt (her DSIS) told her that she'd gone to look haggard. But she's right, she has gone to look haggard and I'm now also concerned about her well being.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

I am in your mum's position. There is nothing worse than others passing judgement on your weight.

I think you need to leave her alone. Unless you know for a fact that she's medically underweight it's none of your business and if she chooses to look thin/'haggard' then surely that's up to her.

You are right to be worried. Older women who try hard to stay unusually thin put themselves at risk of falls and fractures.

If it's a well known national slimming chain then her target weight must be within her healthy BMI range..so, YABU.

She was in the overweight category to start with and she's only lost one stone?

Unless she's 3' 2" then YABU,

Is she really underweight though? I once lost some weight and some people said I had lost too much even though I was a healthy size 8-10 and it was very rude and annoying.

She's only 60. She's not elderly. I don't think there's any reason for concern.

Telling a 60 year old woman she looks 'haggard' is just rude.

If she's only lost a stone and was overweight to begin with, I don't see a problem?

Btw, skipping lunch and cutting out snacks is not unhealthy, especially if she's eating breakfast and dinner.

If she is following a programme from 'a well known national slimming chain', I would have thought they would not be encouraging her to lose weight below a healthy BMI. Are you aware of her actual height and weight and how it translates to her BMI? I imagine people harping on about how (in your opinion) she is too thin, is just as annoying as people passing remark on my need to lose weight!

Oh FFS the woman is only 60!

She has plenty of time before she enters having a fall territory.
I know women in their mid-60's that run marathons and put women half their age to shame, so stop treating her like she's an old lady that needs to be watched over.

As a matter of interest - are you and your mother's sister a bit overweight?
Sure it's not a touch of the old green eyed monster?
It can be tough when somebody breaks rank and starts to look after their health.
It can make you question your own eating habits and life style.

Nope, I'm not overweight. Healthy size 12, perfect for my height according to my doctor.

Not helpful but on the "haggard" front, my DM always says, "at my age, Hedgehog, it's either your face or your arse".

She has such a lovely turn of phrase.

So what's her BMI?

But surely it's up to the OP's mother which she chooses - Arse or Face.

(Personally, when I get to that age, I will strive to remain slim and go and pay to have the boat sorted out)

When I lost weight, there was nothing I hated more than people telling me how terrible I looked now that I'd lost the fat from my cheeks.

Unless her Bi falls below normal, let her be. Once she stops she'll put some back on again anyway.

Her BMI, that is.

How tall is she and how heavy is she exactly? The trouble is that your OP is purely subjective without knowing that information.

Remember that if you are used to seeing your DM look a certain way, she will look different (read thin and haggard) even if she is now a perfectly healthy weight for her size. Also, her irritability may be nothing more than loss of patience with people commenting on her weight, however well meant.

It's lovely that you care though.

Unless she's gone below her BMI I think you need to accept that she's an adult and she's making decisions for herself, and does not need to consult you about any of them.

Fwiw it's really annoying for people to keep commenting in your new lighter weight, just as annoying as people saying 'you're fat'.

Maybe your aunty finds her new weight a challenge because she knows she could do with slimming down. Jealous and challenged people make rude comments in order that they feel better about their own bad choices.

I think you should butt out, it's none of your business.

She's 5'8, so pretty tall. She always enjoyed food, cooking and eating out before going on the diet, but now she won't even have the occasional treat. She lives off salads whenever she eats out.

I wouldn't dream of telling her that she looks haggard by the way, my Aunt on the other hand likes to call a spade a spade...

So what's her BMI then?

Eating salad and not eating what you call "treats" sounds healthy to me.

If she was underweight she wouldn't be allowed to continue attending a slimming club btw, just so you know.

But her weight has now stuck, so she must be eating a fair amount.

I have two friends with osteoporosis both in their 50s so I don't think it's unreasonable to consider it. Bone loss is irreversible. However if she's eating healthily and exercising there is no reason to especially fear it.

I think it's been pointed out that your opinion is subjective and most people have chosen to assume you are incorrect in your opinion.

What about a bit of objectivity. What weight or clothes size is she?

So what if her face looks haggard. If her heart is healthy. Goodo

Nothing wrong with salad.
The type of salads you get when you eat out tend to be delicious concoctions with all sorts of lovely stuff in them and often with dressing and bread etc

Unless she is medically underweight then you need to back off IMO.

I've taken up weight lifting, so even though my weight is increasing my body's firmer and I've shrunk to a size 8. My face does look thin and gaunt, but it takes a while to find your maintenance level.

(Weight training has also given me a pert bum for the first time in adulthood).

Why did I start saying this? Oh, yeah, to show that being thin does not necessarily mean that you're risking healthy bones. Weight training is a great way to stay trim whilst getting stronger and future-proofing your bones for us women.