Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To think my DM has lost too much weight and needs to stop now?

52 replies

WooWooDog · 08/11/2014 17:55

My mum has been dieting with a well known national slimming chain for over a year now. I believe what started out with good intentions has got out of control and become an obsession. She's over a stone lighter than she was when she started which sounds good but she was only ever slightly overweight to begin with and has never been obese. She's absolutely militant about what she eats, and has now taken to skipping lunch and cutting out all snacks which is unhealthy.

Her weight loss has now plateaued and she's become frustrated because she's adamant she wants to loose another half stone, she refused to accept it's because maybe she doesn't need to lose anymore. She's often tired, snappy and irritable with people which I believe is down to hunger and I dare say a loss of nutrients, I wouldn't be surprised if she's not given herself a deficiency. She's also gone to look really haggard and drawn, she's 60 years of age and as harsh as this sounds when you get older you can't get away with a huge weight loss, especially when you didn't need to loose that much in the first place.

I don't know how to address this though.She was absolutely furious when my Aunt (her DSIS) told her that she'd gone to look haggard. But she's right, she has gone to look haggard and I'm now also concerned about her well being.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

OP posts:

bodhranbae · 08/11/2014 18:48

I wish "future proofing" bones was that easy. I was diagnosed with osteoporosis in my early 40s after a lifetime of weight bearing exercise.

You are absolutely right to be concerned about her nutrition OP - skipping meals is never sensible at any age. At 60 she is in the thick of post menopausal bone depletion.

WorraLiberty · 08/11/2014 19:03

skipping meals is never sensible at any age.

I'm sorry but that's just wrong.

If for example you skip lunch because you've had a big breakfast, and you know you're going to have a decent dinner, then skipping lunch is absolutely not a problem.

I've been 'skipping' breakfast for 34 years because I just can't eat it, and I really don't need it either.

Vivacia · 08/11/2014 19:04

I wish "future proofing" bones was that easy. I was diagnosed with osteoporosis in my early 40s after a lifetime of weight bearing exercise.

Ok, I stand corrected, weight-lifting does not help you maintain healthy bones.

lljkk · 08/11/2014 19:05

Did you have no risk factors at all, Bodhranbae?

FrontForward · 08/11/2014 19:07

Weight bearing exercise does help protect but does not guarantee you avoid.

Vivacia · 08/11/2014 19:08

I never said it did.

FrontForward · 08/11/2014 19:10

And I didn't say you said it either

Chippednailvarnish · 08/11/2014 19:10

Weight lifting can help, article here

Vivacia · 08/11/2014 19:29

Bartlebee · 08/11/2014 19:34

I am 5'8.

What does she weigh?

bodhranbae · 08/11/2014 19:44

Osteoporosis is an extremely complex condition.
Weight bearing exercise may "assist" with bone health but it is wrong to assert that it "future proofs". There are far too many variables including hormones, genetics and diet that affect it.

Bone health is substantially damaged by poor and restricted diet. For people suffering from anorexia and bulimia it is a primary problem.

I was dx-ed in my early 40s and had been weight training and running all my adult life. Hadn't made a jot of difference.

Firbolg · 08/11/2014 21:18

Without knowing your mother's BMI and state of health, it's not possible for a bunch of strangers on the Internet to say whether she should stop losing weight. However, in the nicest possible way, you sound mightily over-involved and over-invested in stopping her weight loss, and - speaking as someone who has just lost a considerable amount of weight - if I had a pound for every time certain people have told me I must stop losing weight right now this second, I'd be rich.

The common denominator in these commenters seems to be that they preferred me fat, and that me refusing a glass of wine or some cake makes them feel bad about accepting.

The punch line, though, is that I'm not yet inside the healthy BMI for my height. I am technically still slightly overweight, yet apparently my gauntness and tininess is causing major concern.

I don't agree skipping meals is at all unhealthy, and I've always ordered salads when eating out somewhere good - making a really delicious one is time-consuming.

lljkk · 09/11/2014 08:32

what symptoms led to you being diagnosed, Bodhran?

Nishky · 09/11/2014 08:39

People say similar to me after a 4 stone weight loss-i don't give a damn as I have reduced my reliance on asthma medication-it was 3 days in hospital following an attack that prompted me to lose weight.

I will take looking haggard as the health improvement means much more to me.

LiegeAndLief · 09/11/2014 08:46

I am 5'8 with a BMI of 21, so not even slightly overweight according to the BMI charts. I could lose a stone and still easily be within the healthy weight range. If she was overweight, has lost a stone and is 5'8, there is no way she is even close to being underweight.

I think you have probably got used to seeing her a certain size and that is why she looks gaunt to you now, but she is probably a healthier weight than she was before.

whattheseithakasmean · 09/11/2014 08:49

Our society has normalised being chubby, so when someone is the lower end of a healthy BMI we pearl clutch. The BMI is a range - the lower end is as healthy as the upper end, but can look very different.

Being overweight is really bad for your health. Your mother has addressd this and is eating healthily. Lots of salad is far better than lots of cake.

It is nasty to say she looks haggard - what a vile put down for a 60 year old woman exercising her bodily autonomy and looking after her weight.

I bet you secretly wish you had her self control. With vanity sizing, a modern size 12 is not necessarily that slim. I am only 5'1" so if I was size 12 I would be overweight. Dress size is irrelevant - what is your BMI & what is your mothers?

beginnerrunner · 09/11/2014 09:12

I lost a lot of weight in 2003. I got down to a very healthy 9 stone. I'm short. Statistically I was still in the overweight category so could have lost more. Many people told me I looked great. Others told me I'd gone too far, was haggard etc. I wasn't. It's just because you are used to her bigger and now you are seeing cheek bones etc (which is normal btw). Leave her alone.

MandarinCheesecake · 09/11/2014 10:20

Its not nice for anybody to comment on your weight whether large or small.
But it seems that when people do lose weight it then becomes an open forum for others to offer up an opinion regardless of whether an opinion was asked for or not.....this can be quite hurtful and blunt in my own experience.

Several years ago I was going through some difficulties in my marriage, I am naturally small in build and weight. My weight dropped further still taking me to a BMI of only just 16.
Every man and his dog offered me their opinion and they didn't hold back in telling me how shit they thought I looked and that I needed to stop losing weight. "Yeah like it was that friggin easy!"

But do you know what most of those that were rather harsh weren't exactly at healthy weights themselves. I needed support at the time not judgement!!

I too think that it is because you are used to seeing her with the extra stone so she will look different now but like others have also said the slimming club would not let her continue if she were dramatically underweight. It sounds like she is still within a healthy weight range.

Bolshybookworm · 09/11/2014 10:42

I understand your concerns, OP, my DM (in her 60s) sounds very similar. She has always been thin (size 8-10), but healthy. Her family all have a fast metabolism and are skinny as rakes (really- I'm currently size 10-12 and considered fat in their books ). She was told she had high cholesterol and has put herself on an increasingly restricted diet for the past few years. No fats at all at one point. She is now alarmingly thin and I'm really worried. It's also aged her by about 10 years and turned her into a bit of a misery. I'm sorry, but she really does look haggard and I have told her so (although I put it a bit more diplomatically!) to try and shock her out of her diet.

I know she's only in her 60s but I genuinely worry that she is storing up problems for the future (not helped by the fact that she acts like she's 85). I don't think it's a great idea to go into old age (when your appetite decreases anyway) very thin. She's average height and I'd be surprised if she's much over 8 stone. I worry she actually has an eating disorder (she's very obsessive about her diet).

So, I know these things are subjective, but I do understand your worry, OP, especially if your DM seems suddenly quite obsessive about her diet.

Thebodynowchillingsothere · 09/11/2014 10:52

Your aunt sounds rude and jealous to be honest.

Lol at the 60 year old in
Old lady fall territory

It's beyond rude to comment on weight, even to your mother, so stop it.

MrsJossNaylor · 09/11/2014 10:55

YABU. If she was overweight to start and has only lost only just over a stone, then unless she's tiny she must still be firmly in the "healthy" category.

But she's 5ft 8ins. So to havw been overweight she must have been round about 12 stone. Making her between 10st 7 and 11st now.

I say well done to her. My DM is the same age, eats well and does a lot if exercise - yet she's put half a stone on in the last year just because her metabolism is slowing down. She finds it extremely frustrating.

Your DM sounds like she's done really well. I bet she's not "haggard" at all. And i also think you sound jealous. Sorry.

MrsJossNaylor · 09/11/2014 10:59

Oh, and my DM has been telling anyone who'll listen, as of late, that I should stop losing weight.

I've recently lost a stone, going from a size 12, bmi 24, to a size 10, bmi 22. I feel GREAT. But its funny how those who could stand to lose a stone themselves are the ones telling me I'm "too thin."

People are losing sight of what healthy looks like.

MrsJossNaylor · 09/11/2014 11:04

One more thing, op - you say skipping meals and cutting out snacks "isn't healthy." Balls to that. I would say it's snacking that's unhealthy.

And as for cutting out meals - I'm guessing your DM is retired? On non-work days I only ever eat two meals, as I can eat when I like. So I'll have a late brunch and then dinner.

Most people don't need three meals a day, plus snacks. In fact, the belief that we do is one of the things making the population obese.

Mintyy · 09/11/2014 11:08

Yanbu to be concerned, of course not. Eating disorders can become an issue at any age. However, none of us can tell unless you give us an idea of her weight, size or bmi.

however · 09/11/2014 11:26

If it was my mum and I was concerned, I'd tell her. Of course I would. She'd tell me too. That's how most regular families communicate. What she does with your concern is up to her though.

Flip

1 2 3