AIBU over Grandmother's will

[namechangenoony]

Have name changed as this is a sensitive issue, my head is all over the place on this one and I'd be grateful to hear other people's perspectives, sorry it's quite long.

My grandmother died recently, in her will she has divided up her money between all her children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren equally. Her estate was relatively big and this means that each share of the money is significant, not mega bucks but enough for a deposit on a first home or to pay a good chunk of Uni fees.

This is now causing a lot of friction in our family as some family members feel this is unfair on the grandchildren who do not have children, in their eyes this means the grandchildren who do have children are getting a bigger share because their children are also getting an inheritance and some feel they will have children in the future and their children will be disadvantaged compared to those who did inherit.

I do have children and my first thoughts were that it was my Grandmother's decision, she didn't have any dementia and as far as I am aware wasn't pressured into doing this, no-one in the family is arguing to the contrary. I also feel that there is a difference between those great-grandchildren who she has met, loved and had a real relationship with and those who may or may not be born in the future, DH and I are planning another btw.

This issue is causing a lot of bad feeling in our family and there is pressure to vary the distribution in the will so that all the children and the grandchildren get the same, in effect either cutting out or greatly reducing the inheritance of the great-grandchildren. I don't even know if this is legal and I'm very much opposed to making this decision on behalf of my children which will be giving away money which could be hugely beneficial to them. It's been so hard though and I keep thinking it's not worth the conflict and whether to suggest giving up my share to keep the peace but then I think why should I, this wasn't what my grandmother wants.

Thanks for reading.

Do all the children have an equal amount of children (grandchildren)?

Because if people want to be pedantic then it could be pointed out that it should only be divided between the children to ensure each family line gets the exact equal amount.

Op you are NBU. Things happen in life that do not and cannot take into account the future, i.e future children in a will, theirs or yours.
Your grandmother had every right to leave her money to who ever the hell she wanted to. The people important in her life at that point. Had this been the milkman and the paper boy, that's equally her right.
Don't let them take away what is rightfully your children's, and was rightfully chosen to be given to them

Disgusting.

My gm died four years ago. She was a very wealthy woman whose estate was divided between her five children. We are talking life-changing sums.

Did we cousins get up in arms? No, because the will was clear and gm was so, so generous when she was alive.

I hope your family start to behave like reasonable human beings soon.

The grandchildren without children yet who feel their possible future children will be disadvantaged need to grow up, what a completely idiotic idea. It is up to them to use some of what they received to invest for their future children if that's what they want, not up to your Grandmother to have made a wild guess as to how many children her grandchildren might have.

Don't get drawn into this, state clearly and unequivocally that you won't enter into any discussions or negotiations on it, the terms of the Will are the terms of the Will, end of argument. Don't get dragged into defending your position you don't need to it was the express wishes of your Grandmother, just step back and inform the Executors that you expect the terms of the Will to be honoured as they stand.

Sorry for your loss
It is so difficult..the thing about great grandchilren is that it isn't fair that one sibling gets a sizeable amount - a deposit on a house - but then a sibling - a year younger gets nothing...and the parents will have the same amount as their child -so (maybe) especially if they go on to have 2 or more can't make up the difference to help out the younger siblings to the same extent...
I think it would be better to give all existing great grandchildren a token amount (a couple of thousand) and then share the rest equally between the grandchildren (assuming there will be no more grandchildren now) with no reference to how many children they have/don't have...
When my grandmother died her estate went to my dad and uncle. When my uncle (no children, unmarried) died his estate was split equally between his 4 nieces/nephews. I have 2 DC - my siblings don't have any children but I don't think it is unfair. My siblings could have children in the future...and they should get their share. (Actually when he was alive he used to give them a few hundred pounds a year each - when DC2 was born (6 yrs later) he gave her more so they both had similar amounts (a couple of thousand)

But then again it is your grandmother's will, her decision and I hope she was well advised. However you can vary wills -but only if everyone agrees...

My granddad who live with us only left the two older children money not youngest as he was to ill by then to change his will. My parents made it up to the youngest.

I think great grandchildren should have been left out and their parents could divide up their share among present and future children. My mother left her money equally to her children only and we have passed on help to our children. We all felt this was fair.

I think StarlingMurmuration has hit the nail on the head and that is where the perceived unfairness is coming from, but tough luck that is not how the Will was written, and if that is what they are after your Grandmother's children could equally use the same argument if there is a disparity in the number of children they have...and so it goes on.

Perhaps the message that inheritance is a gift not a right needs to be passed on to those complaining.

Had the opposite here. GFILs estate was split between children and grandchildren, but not great grand children as at the time there were only 2 and it wouldnt have been fair on those who arrived subsequently. I thought it was mean, but shut my trap and got over it. But it really rankled that my boy was missing out.

When my gm died it was split equally between all descendants which apparently was a surprise. It was undetstood it would all go to gc. So my dad split his between my sisters and i which i thought was super generous.

And bloody well said emotions

Don't give in. Respect your grandmother's wishes. It may be perceived to be unfair by some, but it's what she wanted and chose, so TOUGH TALLULAHS to them.

First of all, sorry you are going through all this stress after a big death in the family. I was recently in a will fight where someone challenged my Grandmother's will - it was very distressing. It was my first (and rather shocking) experience seeing how nasty people will become for an extra bit of cash. The thing they get absolutely wrong is that they are entitled to the inheritance. Inheritance is a choice and they are not entitled - she made her decision and it sounds to me like a wise one, she was not of ill mind so good luck to them with challenging that. I completely understand if you have trouble looking at these people in the same way again - wills really can bring out some entitled behaviour.

There are a load of difficulties when making a will and trying to remember family. Some family members may have more children, some may be poorer than others, some may be feckless with money etc etc etc.

Your grandmother was of sound mind and that was what she decided. Let it stand without challenge.

If the people who are receiving money feel it will be unfair on their kids if one kid receives money and a yet-to-be-born one doesn't, they are free to put their kids inheritance in a trust (I'm presuming this kid will be fairly young so not in desperate need of the money currently) and later give that kid the option to split it with its later born brothers and or sisters. They could also put their OWN inheritance in that trust, if they liked, if they were really interested in making it fair on these yet to be born kids.

Yes, it would be less money per person, but it would be fair within the family. If that's their concern. Which I suspect they will pretend it is, when in fact it probably isn't.

YesTiggy agree with what you say. Nothing can be done now and her wishes should be respected. It is sad though that ill feeling will probably remain and that's not what she would have wished I imagine.

What's the point of making a will, if those that are in it argue!!
It's that's persons wishes! That's why they made it!

So sorry this has happened to you stand your ground you will regret it if you do not.

your GM made wishes clear stick to them. I am sure any judge would throw out their claims!

As Starling says A Will is about the wishes of the deceased and she has been fair to the those living right now.

Totally her decision.

She presumably knew the grandchildren who'd been born - not the imaginary ones who might or might not be!

My granny distributed her money in a complicated way too, and it was slightly bonkers, but it was her. It was a massive headache for my mum and uncle to sort out, and you could have argued there were all sorts of other ways that'd have been simpler and more 'fair' ... but why? For us, it was really touching becuase it was so typical of her to have spent ages writing a really precise will with exact proportions set out. I've never given the slightest flying fuck it meant by brothers and I ended up with less than our cousins (three of us and two of them), because I understand she put a lot of thought into it.

Legally you are not being unreasonable. Morally you are.

If your parents died should you get a bigger share than a sister you had not yet had her DCs? Of course not.

You and your children will be getting more than other grandchildren and their future children. As long as you are alright jack, pull the ladder up.

You need to adhere to your Grandmother's wishes and let it stand as it is. That's the whole point of making a Will.

Morally, I think there is something really off about changing somone's will. That is their final legacy. It's out of order to mess around with it just because some people feel entitled to money. No should feel they're entitled to money when someone dies.

I think the terms of the will are reasonable and should be adhered too. Families do fall out over wills. And she left her money to the people she knew not to hypothetical children that may or may not be born in the future. I don't think a court would judge the will was unfair. And what about if one couple planned six children and another couple only one. Should that be taken into consideration? Of course not. They haven't a leg to stand on IMHO.

Odd take on it lornemalvo, the Grandmother shared her estate equally between all her living relatives, do you expect people who make wills to have a crystal ball and think "ooh x hasn't had any children yet, but might have 5 so I need to take that into account"?

If your parents died should you get a bigger share than a sister you had not yet had her DCs? Of course not. The OP would not personally be receiving a bigger share as the money is left to individuals, you could turn this around the other way, what if extra money was left to the sister on the assumption she would have children but didn't - is it then fair that she receive a bigger individual portion than her sister?