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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To put my neighbour's rubbish on his doorstep?

26 replies

birdsnotbees · 07/11/2014 18:02

My neighbour has got form for intimidating and unpleasant behaviour. He is currently selling his house, lives elsewhere but pops back now and again, usually to bang aggressively on our door and to shout at us (and our friends - including our childminder) about something or other - usually our shared drive. He doesn't like us using the drive, even though it is half ours.

We are good neighbours. Put up with his horrible tenants, and him. Cut down a tree when he complained that its leaves clogged up his drain. Don't ever park in or block the drive etc. Put the bins out for over 10 years. On his part, he has torn down part of my fence, put in drains that drain into our garden and just takes the piss, really.

Tonight I found a load of his rubbish in my bin. There was so much the lid wouldn't close. We only get fortnightly collections and the bin men are strict: if the lid is even the slightest bit open they won't take the rubbish.

WIBU to take his rubbish out of my bin, put it in a black sack (it was ooozing out of carrier bags, bluergh) and put it on his doorstep? I knocked on but he wasn't in. Put a note on asking if it was his and if not said to put it in the drive and I will find a way to get rid... but it is his. I know it is. I also know I am being petty but a) the bin men won't take my rubbish if I left it and b) he has his own bin and I am pretty sure is trying to intimidate me as per...I am a tiny bit scared (wuss). But also fed up for being taken for a mug.

OP posts:
TheHatInTheCat · 07/11/2014 18:04

I would take the note off and just leave the rubbish on his doorstep.
Yanbu he is.

hmc · 07/11/2014 18:04

He is a total shit isn't he!

Vitalstatistix · 07/11/2014 18:05

I wouldn't have asked in the note if it was his. I'd have said "you seem to have accidentally used my bin. Please put this in your own."

Fingers crossed he sells the house soon.

Perhaps point out to him that he stands a better chance of selling the house if it looks nice and if he doesn't wind his neck in, you're going to park an old sofa and half a car in your front garden. Grin

Original poster
birdsnotbees · 07/11/2014 18:07

I wondered about the note, but didn't want to be PA about it. In case it's not his. But given the oozing juices that dripped out of the various bags, there's not way it's anyone else's - they'd never have walked down the street with it! Shall I take the note off?

OP posts:
SuburbanRhonda · 07/11/2014 18:07

Except that if he doesn't sell the house, OP is stuck with him as a neighbour.

SirChenjin · 07/11/2014 18:11

I might be tempted to post the rubbish back through his letterbox to make sure he got it all - but would probably settle for dumping it on his doorstep with no accompanying note. Any resultant shouting would see the Police at his door.

maddening · 07/11/2014 18:12

Can you get your original note back as he will just take your offer to get rid and plonk it with it's oozing juices on your drive. Leave a more assertive and if he knocks on tell him he is an unpleasant irritant and can communicate by email or letter going forward as you really have nothing to say to him and if he harasses you further you will take action, then shut the door.

Original poster
birdsnotbees · 07/11/2014 18:23

I am worried that I'm stuck with him, hence the note. He put the house on the market (himself, no estate agent as clearly he's far too clever to fall for their tricks), for around £40k over its market value. Houses round here shift in weeks; it's been on the market for 5 months. He doesn't live there but he is back... I live in fear of a permanent return.

Also, I wanted to make a point with my note: that he can't just take the piss but that I, unlike him, am reasonable. But am now scared of the bang-bang-bang on the door - I hate confrontation and he is really really aggressive. Argh!

OP posts:
JenniferGovernment · 07/11/2014 18:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cheerupandhaveaglassofwine · 07/11/2014 18:31

Feed it back through his letter box piece by piece

Than screw yours shut so he can't do the same

Original poster
birdsnotbees · 07/11/2014 18:37

OK, have taken the note off!!!! I am terrified. And such a wuss, clearly (am really crap at confrontation although surprisingly good when it comes to an argument). He has weirdly never shouted at me, always at DH, our childminder and other people - but you're right, he is a bully. I just wish he'd have been sensible about his house as he'd have sold it by now.

I'm glad you all don't think I WBU, though - I hate passive aggressive behaviour and people being petty, and despite having the FEAR did knock on his door (bin bag in hand), heart a-thumping...

OP posts:
Original poster
birdsnotbees · 07/11/2014 18:37

cheerup I like your style Grin

OP posts:
clam · 07/11/2014 19:05

It's not compulsory to answer the door if he knocks, you know!

How dare he intimidate you? Try and keep that in mind, when you next come into contact with him. You are an adult, and he has no business trying to control you.

Original poster
birdsnotbees · 07/11/2014 19:11

I am actually sitting here feeling really anxious now. I know he's in - the light is on at the back of the house - though he didn't answer the door. DH is away on business so it's just me. But I'm fed up being a scaredy cat about him. Am I going mad - it's not on, is it, to fill up your neighbour's bin with rank bags of god knows what, not when you have your own bin by your back door??!

Clam, thank you. I am rubbish at being assertive sometimes. But I need to be an adult, yes.

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 07/11/2014 19:15

He's probably waiting for your lights to go out to put it back in!

TheReluctantCountess · 07/11/2014 19:18

If he comes around tonight, don't bother opening the door to him.

TheReluctantCountess · 07/11/2014 19:19

Can you put your bins somewhere where he can't get to them? In the back garden?

Original poster
birdsnotbees · 07/11/2014 19:22

TheReluctant - I could, but that's exactly what he wants. I keep it in the drive, at the front of the house (like 99% of my neighbours). He keeps his at the back, behind two gates (which is why I don't; it'd take me half an hour to put my rubbish out!). He doesn't like me keeping my bin there, although I am perfectly entitled to, so I suspect that his dumping of rubbish is partly a f**k you to me for keeping it there.

But no, will keep the door closed - I would anyway, as I feel a bit vulnerable in the house on my own anyway, so lock it when the kids go to bed.

OP posts:
Siarie · 07/11/2014 19:25

I would just put yojr rubbish in his bin, my old neighbours used to do this and then we would be stuck. Like you the bins only got emptied once a fortnight.

So if someone filled mine I would put my rubbish in theirs

Original poster
birdsnotbees · 07/11/2014 19:28

Siarie, I can't, his bin is round the back of his house and I can't get to it- I would otherwise

OP posts:
HansieLove · 07/11/2014 19:29

Why don't you use the shared drive? Does he use it?

Original poster
birdsnotbees · 07/11/2014 19:39

We only use it when he's not here, mainly as he makes a big thing of it if we do. E.g. our childminder parked over the drive (on the street, which is fine as no lines etc.) and he came round and had a right go at her. (To her credit, she told him to back off). Or he will park HIS car over the drive for weeks at a time, so that we can't - his car is actually too big to get in the drive but our weeny one can squeeze in.

But to save the hassle we don't bother. Even though his tenants used to park in it and leave their cars in it for weeks at a time, or block our bins in (we couldn't get the bins out past their car).

He is very territorial and wants us to take a fence down at the back between the 2 houses - it gives us privacy (you can see right into each other's kitchens) and safety (I have 2 young kids and they'd run into his garden/house if there was no fence). He wants us to take it down so that he can drive all the way down the drive between the 2 houses and park over his garden - even though he can't actually squeeze his car down the drive... he is basically nuts but sees it as "his" even though it is in fact "ours".

OP posts:
MrsJuice · 07/11/2014 20:33

I had a bonkers neighbour in a terraced street, so no wheely bins. She always put her black bags out immediately AFTER collection, and in front of my doorway!!!
I had a couple of glasses of wine one evening, returned home, saw the bags and stacked them in a pile, in her actual doorway. Thus, when she opened the front door, all of the bags fell into her house!! SmileSmile

BosleyCharliesAngel · 09/11/2014 11:34

Any update birds? Did he come around or make any reference to the rubbish reappearing on his doorstep?

Original poster
birdsnotbees · 09/11/2014 14:20

Hey Bosley, no - nothing. I think he has gone away again, hence putting his rubbish in my bin (I guess) - he was planning on not being here for the next bin day so stuffed his rubbish in my bin. Stupid thing is, if he'd asked, I would have put his bin out. Now, it's just sitting on his doorstep, awaiting his return Grin

OP posts:
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