to think that just because you work long hours and have a sahp at home

[3boys40]

doesn't mean you can skive off parenting when home. So we have 3dc 10,8 and 2. The 8 year old has some mild sen. I am part time seasonal self employed but not currently working.
dh hasn't done a single bedtime since ds3 was born. (well apart from when I went away on a conference.)
He does some scout and cub runs but most of it falls to me. He never tidies kitchen or cooks during the week which is fine.
However, a couple of recent events really pissed me off.
Ds2 is currents on meds for impactation. He has been wearing pull ups as we are trying to clear backed up poo (sorry tmi)
I had just changed ds2 earlier and ds3 also needed changing. I changed ds3 and put him to bed before leaving to up ds1 from scouts. Dh commented that he thought ds 2 needed changing. I did pick up and came home to find that ds2 did need changing. I thought it was just the smell of ds3. When I changed him the flood gates literally opened. The floor was covered, I was covered and dh response was to piss off to bed.
Two days later I was at a parrnts evening and came home to discover ds3 still up wearing a soiled nappy. He claims how easy ds3 is to look after now. He does a couple of hours at the weekend when I am out with older two. Well it would be if you cba to change him.
aibu

YANBU
As others have said - things to think about -
If both parents worked full time would either be able to come in and just do nothing? Ignore dirty nappies?

If DP was single he would still have to feed himself, clean, do laundry etc.

If DP wasn't there would it make your life harder or easier?

If you weren't a SAHM would your DP be able to do the job he does now or do you enable it ?

Do you get a day off? Do you get a lunch break? A dinner break?

Change the language you use -
Don't ask him to 'help' look after HIS children - tell him he needs to do xyz for his DCs
Don't ask him to babysit or 'watch the DCs for you' - they are his children too - he SHOULD be capable of looking after them on his own and he isn't doing you a favour by doing it.

Good Luck - you really need to have a talk with him and start working on changing his view of your role....otherwise it will only get worse...fuel your resentment....

IMO you both finish for the day at the same time - if still stuff to do when he gets in it is equal dibs from there until dc in bed.

Sorry OP, your DH sounds horribly selfish and shite, tbh.

Your situation is similar to mine: I am a SAHM, three DC of similar ages (ours are 10, 5 and 21m, eldest has some sen), my DH works long hours (generally out of the house from 7.30am to 8/9pm, with regular conference calls to do from home after that). I am used to flying solo with all three DC for a twelve hour plus day, I know not what this 'window' is that writer speaks of (two hours from DH getting home until bedtime routine would feel like a holiday, if I'm honest). There is no window of anything for either DH or I during the week. We don't do weekday downtime! Neither of us sit down to relax much before 9.30 or 10pm. That's life with three kids, tbh.

But you know what, if by some miracle DH does manage to walk through the door earlier than usual then he pitches straight in with bathing/sorting DC. At weekends we parent equally. He would not dream of leaving a toddler in a shitty nappy. Yes, I do the housework and the lions share of childcare; in our situation that's only right and fair. But I never feel like I'm doing all the work at weekends whilst DH sits on his arse!

Sounds like your DH needs a kick up the arse OP...

He does very little around the house, and has never bathed either of our DCs. He does not cook or clean. We have a gardener. I have never felt resentful of our roles because this is what I chose. I wanted a real man. Not a housewife. So, just to clarify windchime ...men who cook, clean and bathe children are not real men? They are 'housewife' men, or not real men?

You sound terribly grateful to your DH for your situation windchime, does it not feel like a team effort, that part of the reason that you have a lovely house etc is because of things that you do too?

My DH works long hours, he is ambitious and enjoys his job, its hard work but he does well and enjoys the kudos of it all...he couldn't put in the hours as easily without my support though. I admire DH for how hard he works and I am grateful that he has a good job but I don't swoon about like a 1950's housewife doing every last job so that he doesn't have to lift a finger at home.

My DP works 15 hour days so I can work PT. We live in a fabulous house because of his hard work, so I am happy to do the lions share of childcare. He does very little around the house, and has never bathed either of our DCs. He does not cook or clean. We have a gardener. I have never felt resentful of our roles because this is what I chose. I wanted a real man. Not a housewife.

Hmmm. My husband worked 17 hour days when our children were little (and still does). Ok, I never expected him to cook and clean as I was at home BUT, I did expect him to be a dad! He helped me bath the kids most nights and read stories etc. He also did the nightshift if the kids woke and also the night feeds as he was up from stupid o'clock anyway. So, because my DH doesn't cook and clean he is not a 'real man' according to you? I'd be really interested in what your perception of a 'real man' is.

Whoopy doo, you have a gardener! I really don't know what that has to do with the OP!

OP boot your OH up the arse for not nappy changing. Lazy sod!

well at least he does garden. probably because its a seasonal job not day in day out.

I think part of the problem is that he thinks my day is a piece of cake. ( probably literally).

Parenting isn't optional. If you're both home you both get on with it.

We'll I'm very glad I got a fake man who is able to use a Hoover, iron, bathe our DS and get up in the night with him without his testicles falling off .

Parenting isn't an optional job in our house. I work part time around school hours so after I've picked DS up 4 times a week, I cook dinner, do the dishwasher etc but equally I expect the afternoon DH does it, that he then does those jobs too. The other days when he gets home he will do bath time, bedtime alternate nights and we share the tidying, cleaning etc.

I would despair of a man who ignores a poo smell because basically he doesn't want to deal with it or pisses off to avoid it. You need to get vocal in telling him you need him to help or ask him why he's not dealt with it already.

Windchime I'm so glad I have my DH. One who happily looks after his children, cooks and does housework and doesn't feel that because he has a penis he's exempt.

Do you pitch in with his job? Motherhood (yes not parenthood) is a full time job 24\7 don't do it if you aren't prepared to put in the hours

I've just wet myself laughing. I wonder how long it will be before this poster is moaning in relationships.

Op, your DH needs to step up or step out.

A real man not a housewife? is this thread for real?

Fwiw, dh works a 50 hour week, comes home and is hands on with our 4 children and also at the weekend. He cooks all meals at the weekend, does a ton of washing and all the diy. Oh and my house is pretty nice.

In my opinion, as soon as the working parent is home, everything should be shared. Sahp deserve some rest and help as much as a working parent!