to think that just because you work long hours and have a sahp at home

[3boys40]

doesn't mean you can skive off parenting when home. So we have 3dc 10,8 and 2. The 8 year old has some mild sen. I am part time seasonal self employed but not currently working.
dh hasn't done a single bedtime since ds3 was born. (well apart from when I went away on a conference.)
He does some scout and cub runs but most of it falls to me. He never tidies kitchen or cooks during the week which is fine.
However, a couple of recent events really pissed me off.
Ds2 is currents on meds for impactation. He has been wearing pull ups as we are trying to clear backed up poo (sorry tmi)
I had just changed ds2 earlier and ds3 also needed changing. I changed ds3 and put him to bed before leaving to up ds1 from scouts. Dh commented that he thought ds 2 needed changing. I did pick up and came home to find that ds2 did need changing. I thought it was just the smell of ds3. When I changed him the flood gates literally opened. The floor was covered, I was covered and dh response was to piss off to bed.
Two days later I was at a parrnts evening and came home to discover ds3 still up wearing a soiled nappy. He claims how easy ds3 is to look after now. He does a couple of hours at the weekend when I am out with older two. Well it would be if you cba to change him.
aibu

Not read all the replies yet. Been too busy looking after toddler, 2 different school runs and cooking dinner. I understand he is knackered when he gets in and would never dump kids unless on a rare night out. However, I seem to be doing more than half of club rus, all the kitchen stuff and toddler bedtime which seems grossly unfair. He does pitch in abit more at weekends but I still do maybe 2/3 of tbe hard slog.

Herecomesthesun - but how can you, or indeed any mother on this thread, work outside the home, when, as youareallbonkers so wisely informs us, motherhood (not parenthood, of course) is a 24/7 job?

Presumably in (making an assumption) his world, no women work outside the home, and a father's contribution to parenting begins and ends with ejaculation. What a sad little world they must live in - where fathers miss out on all the messy, chaotic joys of parenting.

I am boggling at the concept of a parent who can leave their partner covered in poo and fuck off to bed, but I am boggling even more that someone exists who thinks that mothers do all the parenting, and dads do none of it!

I just wonder if the man was a sahp the woman could do bugger ehen she got home in youares world sdt

I just don't get this WOHP / SAHP thing. Ok so one parent potentially works out of the house for 12 hours including / excluding commute. There is still the rest of the 24 hour period to cover which has to be covered by someone.
Luckily, DH doesn't see me as unpaid labour or our children as a nuisance and pitches in. I do more housework as I only work part time and obviously the majority of the waking hours of childcare, but honestly I wouldn't find him so attractive if he was selfish or lazy.

Nope NU. I'm the WOHM and DP is the SAHD but we share the care of DS when I am home. I even take time off work to go to appointments for DS because I want to and realise I am a parent and that's what parents do. Since I arrived home an hour ago I have picked DS up from nursery (his funded 15 hrs) I've served up his dinner, sat with him whilst he went toilet and I'm now about to bath him and get him ready for bed. I certainly don't sit on my backside when I get home until DS is in bed

No matter the gender of who stays at home, parenting is equal when both parents are not at work. Simple.

I also work full time whilst DP is a SAHD, a very good one too, a better one than I would be.

Just like you Orchid we share parenting when I am not at work and i do most meantimes, bath and then bed. Not so much whilst expecting DC2.

DP does nearly all the housework.

I am under no illusion that I have it easier, going to work is a break.

No way could I live with the guilt if I did nothing when I got home though.

What does the working parent do at the weekends? Do they see it as a chance to spend as much time with their child as they can? Or do they see it as 'their time' because they've been at work all week???

I am doing something I hardly ever do and reporting youareallbonkers for being a goady fucker. Saw similar from him/her yesterday.

Let's see if HQ really mean it when they say they will delete all forms of shit-stirring trolling.

I never get 'own time' in the week as by the time DH gets back from work there's usually only 2 hours before I have to start with the bedtime routine. I imagine this is the case for a lot of SAHM too. In fact I bet in some homes there isn't even less than a 2 hour window between the working parent getting home and bedtime starting.

It's a Poocident where I am.

dh has a football season ticket. so for 30 days a years he is out either all evening if a Tuesday game or from 12 till 6 on a Saturday. He does take ds1 with him but he is by far the easiest of the 3. I go out for an hour or so in the evening once a week (if nothing else cropps up) but tbh it isn't much o a treat as ds3 is still when I get in and often in a pooey nappy. For the 1st 8 months of ds3 life he use to come with me. Most evenings he gets home at 7 to 7.30 and flops in front of tv. I have however, joined a gym with free childcare yeah. Dh wasn't really happy aboht the cost but I just did it anyway. I think I would have cracked if I hadn't. Although recently I haven't been much due to ds3 being ill and other problems with dh car so I have been carless. Ovbiously do all night wakings too.

What did you say to him when he disappeared during poonami? You would have heard me yells at the other end of the block. My dh can be super lazy. I hand him the child and the nappy and tell him it's his turn

tbh he moved so quicm I didn't have a chance to speak. I guess I am used to dealing with it now. I tni k the last time he got up in the night for dc was when 8 year old was a newborn.I do respect his need for sleep with a w hour commute but it is still annoying.

These men are useless. I'm a single parent and work full time with a long commute. I do EVERYTHING. If I can do it all, these lazy men can certainly pitch in.

My DP works 15 hour days so I can work PT. We live in a fabulous house because of his hard work, so I am happy to do the lions share of childcare. He does very little around the house, and has never bathed either of our DCs. He does not cook or clean. We have a gardener. I have never felt resentful of our roles because this is what I chose. I wanted a real man. Not a housewife.

And what's a 'real man'?

A lazy arsehole who wants no part in parenting his children?

surely a real man wouldn't ignore a soiled nappy.

my dh has never bathed his dc either. such a shame as a great way to bond when your dw is breastfeeding.

we literally have no window. He is home by 7.30.

I wanted a real man. Not a housewife.

I leave the house at 6:20am. I commute for a total of 3 hours a day. I work in an emotionally intensive job. I get back home between 6:45-7:15pm.

When I walk through the door, the dc aged 6 and 3 are usually in the bath or getting pyjamas on etc.

I give the kitchen the once over, put on a bit of supper for us both. Maybe watch 15 mins of Corrie. Then I take over upstairs - ds still struggles to get off to sleep without one of us nearby.

My DH then cracks on with his own work for a bit. We then have a lateish supper and I make sure clothes and bits and pieces are ready for the next day.

Then a bit of TV and off to bed while DH stays up and puts in a few hours work (he's a free lancer working from home).

I go into such detail not to bore you. But, to show that parenting is a full time job and when there are two of you, you work as a team to help each other make things a bit easier. Different set ups work for different people but the basic belief has to be that you are in it together.

OP your dh is opting out. He thinks that as he brings in the money, that's it. Job done. You need to do some serious thinking and talking.

Oh and I wanted a real man who would be a fantastic Dad to our children.