Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

XH refusing point blank to look at baby pictures. Who is BU?

79 replies

fluffyraggies · 07/11/2014 09:04

DD3 has tried to show her dad some pics of baby DD4 (her half sister). He's completely refused to look - ''he's not ready'' apparently!?

We've been divorced nearly 7 years and both remarried FGS. What the hell is this about? What do i say to DD? This has made her very uncomfortable. I think he's being such a twat. AIBU?

OP posts:

SaucyJackOLantern · 07/11/2014 17:39

Depends if you actually want to see them or not QueenTilly

maninawomansworld · 07/11/2014 17:39

God! If your DD is 16 then she is plenty old enough to understand that her father isn't interested in her new half sister which his ex wife had with another man.
She's also plenty old enough to understand the reasons why and respect his views - she's old enough (legally) to be a mother herself ffs!

The way everyone is going on, I was thinking she must be 10 years old maximum.

Aeroflotgirl · 07/11/2014 17:40

My very dear friend was showing me a video of her grandaughter, so its ok to say no Tania your grandaughter means nothing to me, I don't want to see the latest video of her thanks. Understandably she would be really hurt as her grandaughter although is nothing to me, is a huge part of her life, and as her friend I live and respect her.

Aeroflotgirl · 07/11/2014 17:41

Well main she certainly knows now doesent she! As op dd mum has written this post. She obviously was upset and told her mum.

DixieNormas · 07/11/2014 17:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SaucyJackOLantern · 07/11/2014 17:42

Have you previously undergone a bitter relationship breakup with "Tania's" daughter?

Thought not. Don't pretend it's the same thing.

Aeroflotgirl · 07/11/2014 17:44

My goodness saucy, I give up, they broke up 7 years ago, not 7 months. Well she knows now tgat her father isent interested!

DixieNormas · 07/11/2014 17:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

QueenTilly · 07/11/2014 17:48

maninawomansworld

She's old enough to be a mother herself, yep. And he's old enough as the father of a 16-year-old to:

have mastered simple human politeness. I wouldn't say, "I couldn't care less about your children/grandchildren" to a stranger sitting next to me on the bus, even if I would never see them again. Never mind a parent at a baby group who I would see again!
realise that his relationship with his child greatly depends on his ability to act like a decent parent.

QueenTilly · 07/11/2014 17:58

SaucyJackOLantern

Is whether I am genuinely interested in pictures of this new baby the only relevant factor I should consider before I say something to my MIL?

MushroomSoup · 07/11/2014 18:24

My XH and I had a difficult split and we share our DCs' care 50-50. When I had another DC with my new DH, XH was lovely about him even though he is an utter cunt to me and our DCs loved telling him about the little one. We both refer to him as their brother.
He has even offered to look after my DS if I like over my fucking dead body

FrauHelga · 07/11/2014 18:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Viviennemary · 07/11/2014 18:30

Personally I wouldn't like to be in a position to be obliged to coo over a picture of an ex's baby. The fault is with the adults here. It would be most unwise to make an issue of this. Your ex DH has a perfect right to show disinterest in this child.

theposterformallyknownas · 07/11/2014 18:34

I don't know why you have encouraged her to take them tbh.
It has nothing to do with him how many children you have.
You are divorced from him now and the only thing you have in common are the children you had together.
She's old enough to understand this surely? It doesn't mean she can't mention her half sister to him.

MsCoconut · 07/11/2014 18:55

I think the problem the op might be expressing is how to advise her dd of how to deal with her ex rather than if her ex was being unreasonable or not. I'm not sure of the best advice. I'd probably mutter something like 'not everyone is as interested in babies as others' rather than 'he's being a knob' to let her make her own judgement about her father.

motherofmonster · 07/11/2014 20:27

But being a parent means showing a interest in your child's life and this baby is a part of it.
I think most women would be upset if they had a new partner who had children from before that they had close contact with and was acting as step mum to them and yet their own parents refused to acknowledge them, as after all they are not their blood

motherofmonster · 07/11/2014 20:29

Sorry posted too soon
or the kids real grandparents but they are part of a extended family.

Darkandstormynight · 07/11/2014 20:48

You are IMO. Even if I had moved on there is no way I'd want to look at babies of an ex!! To be nice I'd just shuffle through and say "oh very nice" to dd but I wouldn't be really looking and poring over them.

lomega · 07/11/2014 20:49

Hm...I feel terrible saying this but, apart from the odd cuddle at meetings with the parents, I don't really have any interest in other people's kids (I used to get lumped with everyone's children at family gatherings as the resident doormat while their parents got drunk/sat and chatted/ate etc so maybe I'm bitter). I don't think your EXH is any different in that he doesn't care about other people's children - it's not his baby, he doesn't care. It's a bit hurtful to your DD as she is clearly excited about her new sibling and it's like he's tried to rain on her parade, iyswim. I can't decide if OP is BU or not.

IneedAwittierNickname · 07/11/2014 20:51

We have the opposite problem in that ex won't let the dc have a picture of their (half) brother as he doesn't want me seeing pictures of him

CurlyhairedAssassin · 07/11/2014 21:03

Well, there are clearly ishoos here causing the problem in the main. "I'm not ready yet" was the reply, NOT "oh I'm not a baby person really so I'm not bothered about seeing the photos." Very telling.

DixieNormas · 07/11/2014 21:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sickntiredtoo · 07/11/2014 21:20

it is not at all uncommon for there to be resentments if not downright acrimony between divorced partners.Why on earth you think your ex would be interested in something you and a new partner have managed to create.I think your DH is following the mantra if you can't say anything nice, then don't say anything at all

Original poster

fluffyraggies · 07/11/2014 22:33

It's really not that i think he should be interested in the baby. I don't expect him to be interested in the baby. I'm cross and surprised that he reacted the way he did to DD.

I've never bad mouthed her father. I've managed to keep the whole divorce to a minimum of fuss for the kids. She simply flashed him a pic of her baby sister (as she sees it) and got the cold shoulder. Now i feel i have to justify his attitude some how. It given me the hump. To the poster who said XH may end up loosing contact with DD3 - you are very astute. He has virtually lost contact with DDs 1 and 2. You reap what you sow. It's no skin off my nose, i am close to my DDs, but i still feel sad about it though.

I am trying hard not to be one of those OPs who ask AIBU and then insist that i am not :) I do want to point out again that the photo showing wasn't a planned thing. I agree it is nice of the new wife to show an interest in the baby. DDs say she is warm and friendly.

OP posts:

Thumbwitch · 07/11/2014 22:46

If the new wife is nice, warm and friendly then hopefully she has given your ex an earful for the immaturity of his response too!

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread