XH refusing point blank to look at baby pictures. Who is BU?

[fluffyraggies]

DD3 has tried to show her dad some pics of baby DD4 (her half sister). He's completely refused to look - ''he's not ready'' apparently!?

We've been divorced nearly 7 years and both remarried FGS. What the hell is this about? What do i say to DD? This has made her very uncomfortable. I think he's being such a twat. AIBU?

Some odd attitudes on this thread. I've just had a baby. She's my dd's half sister. Dd's dad was very happy for us. I sent him a pic and he's coming up specially to see her at the weekend.

We've only been apart for 4 years and he's single. And sometimes he is a total twunt, but on this issue I think he's being normal. Even his mum sent me a card saying congratulations.

He might have no desire to see the baby but he could at least pretend for his dd. Shes excited about it and if he can't put her feelings first for a few seconds, he's a bit shit.

Some replies on here are quite horrible really. Quite a few bitter exes I think!

"Quite a few bitter exes I think!".

What an odd thing to say. Having a different opinion to you doesn't mean that there are "quite a few" who are bitter exes. It probably means that, well, er, people have different opinions to you.

You can count me out of your "bitter ex" group, IsabellaPong. My ex only has one family of children - mine. :)

I find it all a bit odd. He doesn't need to be all happy about it. But weather he likes it or not this child is going to be a big part of his daughters life, for the rest of her life. Birthdays, weddings, party's ect.
It shouldn't matter if he has any interest, the point is that it is important to his daughter surely?

Quite hooby

Besides which- the "bitter exes" thing works both ways. I could post with an equal amount of conviction that the bitter ones are those who can't accept that their exes have moved on and are no longer interested in their reproductive organs.

Thanks for replies.

I posted in a hurry this morning. Crossly.

A few points:
DD is (just) 16, so not a young child, but she has indeed had to 'walk on egg shells' with her father on a quite a few occasions over the last 7 years. Not wanting to hear about family holidays, not wanting to her about new bedroom, etc. She's a very loving a family orientated girl.

XH's wife asked how the baby is doing and DD had some pics of her on her phone. I didn't send any photos round. God knows he was an indifferent father to his own kids while we were married, and has been even more lazy with his DDs since we split up (barely sees them) - i wouldn't expect him to actually be interested in a child that is not his. HOWEVER - i would have thought he could have forced himself to look at the pictures and muttered 'yes lovely' for the sake of his youngest DD. She loves the baby so dearly.

He has been remarried 2 years, same as me. I don't think there are fertility issues. He's 49 and his new wife is 53.

I feel he is being a knob. I am finding both sides of the argument helpful here though. I just floundered a bit when DD told me he wouldn't look. I just did not know what to say. I'm really angry actually. I think this photo thing might be just opening up old bad feeling that's festering in me.

this child is going to be a big part of his daughters life, for the rest of her life. Birthdays, weddings, party's ect.

Yes!

He's being a complete knob, yes. What the fuck does he mean, he's "not ready" - not ready for what, to accept that you're not pining over him and have in fact got a life, a new man and a new baby?
He needs to grow up.

I agree that there's no reason he should be interested in the pictures themselves, but as has been said over and over, it's not about that, it's about not pissing on your DD's parade when she's so proud of her baby sister. There's never any need to piss on a child's parade like that. :(

OP, I can see exactly why he's your ex. He sounds like a very cold person.

As for others on this post talking about children with the phrase "they are nothing to me." Well, personally I find that actually quite chilling.

DSD's mum had twins recently. DH and I both cooed, and shock, both have held them. Its about making DSD happy and she is obviously very proud of her baby sisters.

Similarly, when DS was born, she was nothing but nice and even bought a present for the baby.

YANBU. He is being immature and refusing to put his DD's feelings above his own.

I don't agree that your child's half-sibling should be "nothing". I agree even less that it is remotely acceptable to flaunt your lack of interest in your daughter's half-sister to your child.

As a parent, my (primary school age) children babble on to me about all the things their friends have done. Now, do I actively care that Lisa has earned six house points this week? No. Do I tell my children that I am not remotely interested in the things they see as major parts of their lives? No, of course bloody not. A half-sister would be a far more important part of their lives than Rick winning the week's prize for good behaviour (which even they will have forgotten next month), and should be treated as such my any decent parent.

Rather than your daughter learning that other people have different interests, I'd say that your ex-husband should have a good hard think about whether he's acting like someone his 16-year-old daughter will want to voluntarily associate with as an adult.

QueenTilly: I doubt she would. If she is as lovely and family-orientated as the OP say she is, she'll soon figure out what a cold person he is, and will leave him to his own devices. I'll bet he'll end up a lonely old man with no interest in other people, and she'll grow up to be a lovely warm person surrounded by people who are interested in what she has to say.

That's rather sad.

But nice that his wife is showing an interest.

Curly and then he'll blame is ex-wife for his bad relationship, I'll bet. [sigh]

Some of these attitudes are very chilling. Yes the baby is no relation to your dd dad, but she is to her and us a big part of his dd life, so yes he should at least pretend to be interested a bit. A cursory glance at the photos and oh how cute kind of thing, op does not expect him to be Al, gushing over her.

Yes it's nice that his wife who is no relation to either of them is shining interest.

It is a pity your DD is hurt by his refusal to look at the photos. But why should he be interested in this child. It's nothing to do with him really. But I can understand that your hurt about it.

Vivien he should stop being a knob and do it out of respect to his dd, tgat baby is a big part of her life. My friends show me pictures of their kids and grand children, how rude and disrespectful would I be to say no I don't want to look at your pictures. You smile and say how lovely, even though these kids mean nothing to me, the person showing them does. same with his dd really.

MNers, can you help me with a problem please?

My BIL and SIL have just had a baby, and MIL has come round with pictures. Is it acceptable for me to tell her I don't want to look at them, because the baby means nothing to me?

Yes I would be hurt if my dad did not want to look at my pictures, I woukd think he's not interested in me or my life!

No queen it's very rude! You smile say how nice and be polite.

YABU.

Most people have no interest in maintaining any contact or communication with ex partners. I've spent years wishing my X would crawl under a rock and die. I've not seen him in nearly 5 years and would be quite happy to neither see nor speak to him again. I'd have no interest in seeing a picture of any other child he managed to father and really wouldn't be able to feign any.

Thankfully I don't think my DC would be much interested either, so I'd be unlikely to hear about it.