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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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To have told a woman to take her shivering child home to bed in Primark

742 replies

BigRedBall · 05/11/2014 17:55

I went out today to get a few bits and bobs and ended up in a Primark. Got to the lifts and saw a woman waiting with a pushchair and on it was hanging a school bag. Looked to her side and she had a school aged child with her who was visibly ill, shivering, moaning. I assumed she'd picked him up from school and was dropping by on way home, but then realised school bag was from a school other side of town.

We went up together and the boy was whimpering now and looked really bad. The mother didn't seem to notice/care.

So I was walking around and the tanoy went off asking for a store cleaner to go to "area bla bla bla" for a clean up. Didn't really take any notice until I walked to the other side of the shop and the same woman was standing there with a now crying baby in pushchair and crying/ shivering child who had been sick all over the shop floor. There were splatters of pink sick on clothes, the mirrors, it was disgusting and she was stood there on the phone to someone and was telling the boy off.

I don't know about anyone else, but when my children get ill and shiver like that with fever, the last thing I'd do is traipse them across town. I'd give them a hug and put them in bed and hold their head if they were being sick. Goodness knows vomiting is draining even for an adult.

I felt so angry for the poor boy. So I walked up to her and said "instead of bringing him to the shops from school, you should've taken him home to bed. I'd take him straight home and give the poor thing a hug".

I think she was more shocked than anything.

DH thinks I wbu and is shocked I'd say that to someone. I don't think I am. Also, I now feel sick and think I have his germs.

OP posts:
Ir1na · 05/11/2014 22:13

HaroldLloyd I have asked people (adults who looked drunk ill, and parents) if they were okay and they said they were fine, often rudely! So I've left it afterwards, as I assume people know their children/themselves better than I do. Still think it was worth checking just incase though. Smile

BigRedBall · 05/11/2014 22:14

FrauHelga you're trying to sound clever but you're not. Even if it wasn't her child, she was acting as the responsible guardian/carer. When you leave your child with a childminder or at nursery, do the carers not console your child if they get hurt? Ridiculous comment.

OP posts:
OttiliaVonBCup · 05/11/2014 22:14

the mother could have been...
ring doctor
work to say she couldn't come in
god

I thought only the Pope had a direct line to God and he is not a mother with a sick child in Primark.

It would be awkward if he was.

BigRedBall · 05/11/2014 22:16

Agent monster thinks your have a great bedside "manor". It must be enormous.

OP posts:
YourMaNoBraBackOfMyCar · 05/11/2014 22:16

Er, I would never turn a blind eye to anyone in distress. In that respect I'm a right nosy beggar. I've picked up the severed ear of a man I didn't know. I also protected him from further injuries with my own body. I gave another man I didn't know life saving chest compressions and mouth to mouth. In both those situations I could've thought to myself " Oh you poor loves. Luckily it's none of my beeswax. See ya." Hmm
When experiencing what the op describes I'd rather you pinched your lips and ignored me or gave me a sympathetic grin. If seeing what the op describes I either ignore respectfully or offer help in some way. But to stand there and berate a total stranger (who could have given you a shoe up the hole for all you know) is just nasty. I couldn't stand the thought of making someone's bad day even worse.

CrashDiveOnMingoCity · 05/11/2014 22:16

Why did you even bother posting on AIBU if you are oh so happy with your magnanimous actions?!

FrauHelga · 05/11/2014 22:17

Well, sure, seeing as according to your title, she lives in Primark and the child's bed is in Primark, then she WAS in the right place, wasn't she?

MollyHooper · 05/11/2014 22:17

I'm not minimising the 48 rule with that comment. I am beyond cautious when my children are ill and waiting to take them out.

But as you say you don't always know. Both my boys go from zero to sixty when it come to tummy bugs.

I've been called to collect DS1 from school before as he said he didn't feel well and when I got there he was perfectly fine, ran around as we left.

Sounds like the mother made a wrong call, but the OP's comments helped no one.

CrashDiveOnMingoCity · 05/11/2014 22:17

Taking the piss out of someone's spelling errors is just compounding many of our thoughts about you, OP.

Mrsstarlord · 05/11/2014 22:18

Just reread your post to see if I can work out why you posted in AIBU when you are so sure that you did the right thing and saw the bit about you feeling sick.

Seriously?

BigRedBall · 05/11/2014 22:19

Yah, she was having such a bad day, that she ignored her whimpering, ill, child over again and continued shopping.

OP posts:
FrauHelga · 05/11/2014 22:19

Op, don't you think if you're going to take the piss out of someone's spelling errors, it might be a good idea not to have a thread title with a great big fuck off grammatical error in it?

WorriedMutha · 05/11/2014 22:20

Oh God. Have you all moved on to the GP now as the OP is watching the Apprentice. She is telling it how it is so have a go at her why not. I think the doctor mentioned the night out in the context of the parent not being able to give a relevant history to be of assistance. Surely they could have asked whoever was looking after their child.

Quite honestly some of the posters on here have lost the plot. If Primark mum thrashed her child with a cricket bat I would expect someone to query whether she was swatting a fly.

YANBU OP or GP. Also getting miffed with those offering medals or asking what she hoped to achieve. What is anyone hoping to achieve in AIBU.

MrsDeVere · 05/11/2014 22:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ir1na · 05/11/2014 22:20

YourMaNoBraBackOfMyCar What the hell happened in the first situation?! Shock Although I think when someone's life is in danger it's entirely different and obviously isn't interfering! Smile

123upthere · 05/11/2014 22:20

Um not sure. I think I'd have asked if he was alright and offered to help them get sorted? Your outburst could've made her more angry with the poor kid at home later

Waltermittythesequel · 05/11/2014 22:21

Agent monster thinks your have a great bedside "manor". It must be enormous

If you're going to take the piss out of someone's grammar, shouldn't you make sure your own is up to scratch? Grin

Out of curiosity, why did you start this thread?

And Agent are you in Ireland at all? Because if so, I want to make sure you're not my GP lest I have the cheek to go out sometimes.

FrauHelga · 05/11/2014 22:23

The correct grammar for the title would have been :

AIBU to have told a woman in Primark to take her shivering child home to bed.

You told her to take her child home to bed in Primark.

MollyHooper · 05/11/2014 22:23

BigRedBall, do you ever find when you come home from shopping that your bag is filled with things you didn't want/are the wrong size?

Because you seem to focus on other people and what they do, what floor they have shoped on, how the interact with their children, how long they are on the phone, what colour the vomit is a lot.

Mrsstarlord · 05/11/2014 22:23

What is anyone hoping to achieve in AIBU.

A range of opinions to help someone decide if they are being unreasonable - or am I missing something?

MollyHooper · 05/11/2014 22:24

Shopped

MrsDeVere · 05/11/2014 22:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BigRedBall · 05/11/2014 22:26

MollyHooper, I lined up for the lift behind this woman and child. Then I shared a lift with her and saw her child whimpering and shivering in the corner. So it was a bit hard to miss her and I don't have a memory of a goldfish. When I walked past the sick and saw her, I remembered her from the lift. Not exactly stalkerish/strange behaviour. But everyone wants to get hysterical over this matter.

OP posts:
sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 05/11/2014 22:27

OP are you a store detective? You seem to have followed this lady around far too much to be normal! And how do you know this child had been sent home sick? For all you know he could be part time at the moment and had been collected/on his way to school and suddenly got ill. The fact is you haven't got a clue so your Noris Cole impersonation really was unnecessary

SomeSortOfDeliciousBiscuit · 05/11/2014 22:29

OP, I'm with you. I think you explained the situation very clearly in your first post.

If something like that had been said to me and it wasn't justified, I'd shrug it off. My son has ASD so I've been the recipient of many a funny look and pointedly-whispered comment. I don't care if I know the comment isn't true. Sometimes I'll politely educate people if they don't move on too quickly.

If, IF the OP got the wrong end of the stick (and from what she described, I don't think she did), I'm sure the mum will forget about it in a few days. If she really was in there waiting for a lift or whatever myriad ridiculous reasons have been suggested then the OPs comments might make her feel a bit shit for a few days, but they're hardly going to RUIN HER LIFE, ZOMG.

If the OP was right in what she thinks she saw, and the mum really didn't give a shit, then bloody well done for saying something.

Far too many people are too keen to read all kinds into situations on here and paint on layers of 'oh, what if'.

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