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AIBU?

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Original poster

to think THIS is why you shouldn't complain if you can't take pictures of your DC on stage in their nativity play

173 replies

Wolfbasher · 05/11/2014 10:38

There's always a few threads this time of year complaining about schools that have a 'no photo' rule at the nativity play.

Some children need to be protected from having their image spread around, because there are unpleasant people trying to find them. This was one.

BBC link

Obviously there's no suggestion that it was a school photo that helped this particular abuser to track down this mother and child. But there are children in UK schools today who are at this kind of risk. I just don't get why people think their right to bob about taking blurry pictures/video during a performance trumps another family's safety. Take your picture of your child in costume before/after the performance. You don't need to record every second of it.

We didn't have video cameras when i was a child and i am really not scarred by not having a recording of my second-angel-on-left debut.

OP posts:
mumwithanipad · 05/11/2014 15:13

Sorry for bad grammar, rushing out of door and didn't check before posting.

youareallbonkers · 05/11/2014 15:37

Where does that article say anything about social media pics? It's just another example of people panicking that their pics are going to be used for nefarious plans. Come on, have you all nothing real to worry about? You might as well panic about being abducted by aliens, it's as likely.

mausmaus · 05/11/2014 15:43

the article says (paraphrased) 'whereever they moved to, he found them, found the school, threatened them, carried out more crimes...'

mausmaus · 05/11/2014 15:45

and if I want to find someone, social media is a good start to snoop search

meoverhere · 05/11/2014 15:47

The nativity in the church does, however, illustrate another point - that you wouldn't actually be able to ban people taking photos in a public place, would you? Or have any influence over what people do with the photos they've taken.

No, but if could be argued that it is more likely that identifying information (a school name) could be included in something like a nativity photo.

youareall

Have you read the whole thread?? Hmm

pissinmy2shoes · 05/11/2014 15:51

yanbu op, but people should be allowed to take pictures of their own children, it is easy to edit other children out.
as for LAC be careful using that, my child was classed as a LAC even though they lived at home with us. just because we had respite.
so the LAC figures are misleading.

BackOnlyBriefly · 05/11/2014 15:54

Has anyone ever been tracked down by a fuzzy picture of a child wearing a costume in a nativity play? Half the time I couldn't pick out my grandchildren from those pictures.

The intent is good, but you could just as easily argue that increasing the number of pictures on the net will make it harder to pick out that one.

And think of the other possibilities? Children may say to an auntie "I have a friend in school called Jane Smith". Now the name is out and who knows who Auntie will tell. Let's ban mentioning names anywhere.

motherinferior · 05/11/2014 15:56

There is a whole, growing issue of people tracking down children who have been removed from their care by using social media.

Saying 'it's just close friends and family' rather errr evades the point that some friends/family may pass them on or even have involvements of which you know nothing, btw.

TeenAndTween · 05/11/2014 15:59

In DD2's primary at least 2% are adopted or in FC.
In DD1's year at secondary at least 2% are adopted or in FC.

And that's before you even consider the children who need to have no contact with a parent due to DV or similar.

TeenAndTween · 05/11/2014 16:03

Back
Photo recognition software.

re Names. That is why my DD is on facebook with a nickname rather than actual name. (And has no photos posted. And facebook locked down tight)

Hurr1cane · 05/11/2014 16:05

No. It shouldn't be allowed for your own family. I know of a very sad story where someone's cousin sent them an email of a school play photo, not knowing that one of the children there was his daughter, who he abused. You wouldn't announce that to the world.

He found his daughter and she had to be moved again.

OwlCapone · 05/11/2014 16:16

Has anyone ever been tracked down by a fuzzy picture of a child wearing a costume in a nativity play?

If you'd read the whole thread you would have seen that one MNer had exactly that happen to her.

sickntiredtoo · 05/11/2014 16:16

'Has anyone ever been tracked down by a fuzzy picture of a child wearing a costume in a nativity play? Half the time I couldn't pick out my grandchildren from those pictures.'

^this^

I know of a very sad story where someone's cousin sent them an email of a school play photo, not knowing that one of the children there was his daughter

so you are saying that the emailer in the above madeup story, know their cousins email address but didn't know that he had a daughter in her own DCs class?

Hurr1cane · 05/11/2014 16:19

Oh and my DS is in a special school and I had a massive photo consent form to tick or cross.photos for display, yes ok, for newsletter, might as well, only parents see it. For website, I debated, but figured that no one will look on their website unless they're a special needs parent and they're all taken down every half term to be replaced.

Photos for research/ other agencies. No. Definitely not. DS can't consent to people knowing he has SN and to have his face used in projects so I won't allow it.

That's ball all to do with confidentiality and everything to do with his rights as a human being.

I'd also most likely fume at someone if they took his photo and posted it on social media. Really fume.

How dare people think they have the right to do that?

IsabellaPong · 05/11/2014 16:19

Surely it's better to act before something bad happens rather than assume it won't and allow it to happen?

I don't think its that hard to use facebook to find someone if you really really really want to.

Let's say mum has ran from dad because he abused her and the children. Dad knows mums parents live in somewhere particular where there are three primary schools. Dad is really keen to find the kids and maybe teach mum a lesson too. He's very motivated.

He starts looking up people who live in that area. He might add a few as friends or just use the ones who have everything public. He invests a few hours into scouring photos around Christmas time in the hope that someone posts a nativity photo.

He finally spots what looks like his child in one. It looks a bit fuzzy but he figures it's worth a try. He reads the persons statuses or uses various other gleaned from facebook to work out which school the parents child is at to work out which school his child is at. Or he figures he will just try all three schools on the off chance.

He rocks up at home time and snatches the child and/or assaults the mum.

With motivation, that could easily happen. Not in all cases obviously but some. That's enough for me to not want parents being allowed to take pictures.

Hurr1cane · 05/11/2014 16:20

Urrm sick yes she did know his email address, and knew he had a child that he wasn't allowed to see because 'the mum wouldn't let him'

I doubt the story is made up, being close and seeing the fall out that came from it.

But carry on living in your bubble love.

Captaintango · 05/11/2014 16:22

At our school, the children don't wear the school jumper in parent assemblies, just their white tops.
The parents are asked not to upload to social media, but if they were to, the children arnt identified by uniform.
I think it's a good system.

TheKitchenWitch · 05/11/2014 16:24

Parents taking photos and uploading them is going to become a moot point very soon anyway, I reckon.

According to this article in the Telegraph, 79% of children aged 7-11 owned a mobile phone in 2010. That figure is bound to be higher now, with the type of phone they own being more sophisticated as smartphones etc get cheaper and more easily accessible.

Unwanted photos are going to be shared one way or another by the children themselves (as they already are by secondary school aged kids).

I see the problem and the danger, but I don't think that imposing bans is an effective way to tackle it.

fluffyfanjo · 05/11/2014 16:32

Parents taking photos and uploading them is going to become a moot point very soon anyway, I reckon.

According to this article in the Telegraph, 79% of children aged 7-11 owned a mobile phone in 2010. That figure is bound to be higher now, with the type of phone they own being more sophisticated as smartphones etc get cheaper and more easily accessible.

Unwanted photos are going to be shared one way or another by the children themselves (as they already are by secondary school aged kids).

I see the problem and the danger, but I don't think that imposing bans is an effective way to tackle it

Good point,do we also ban class photos ? after all they could be easily scanned and uploaded to social media.

sickntiredtoo · 05/11/2014 16:56

'do we also ban class photos ?'
ah no , the sort of photos that the school can raise money from are fine!

TeenAndTween · 05/11/2014 16:56

My DDs know they aren't to appear in photos online.

My DD1 will ask her friends to take down photos if she appears in them.
Some of her friends also help police this and will inform her if they spot photos which include her.

We do allow class photos. But again, if I discovered someone had scanned it in and uploaded to eg facebook I would be having words.

QueenTilly · 05/11/2014 17:13

It is already possible to use google to search for particular images. www.google.co.uk/imghp?gws_rd=ssl

Click on the little camera option. You have the option to upload your own picture, in order to find similar images. It's not too sophisticated yet, but I bet it's going to get better.

QueenTilly · 05/11/2014 17:14

sickntiredtoo

Psst!

Bottom of page 2.

soverylucky · 05/11/2014 17:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CrashDiveOnMingoCity · 05/11/2014 17:24

Some parents are so selfish that their photo of their precious child is far more important than a risk to another child, however small that risk might be. Don't forget that these children need protecting because they've been through trauma.

On the other hand, I totally understand the importance of Granny seeing little Persephone in her Oscar winning performance of 'the third tree on the right'. It's such a vital part of childhood to have a photo of every moment.