MIL - am i being unreasonable!

[MrsRumbles]

Myself and my MIL are not getting along at present for many reasons, to many to go into on here, however, the fundamental issues I have with her is her lack of respect to us as parents, for example when DD was a baby my MIL would pass her around like a parcel to anyone and everyone (which I was not keen on but would overlook) the problem was when we asked her to not do so, or to stop as DD was getting a bit beyond, MIL would completely ignore my DH. It was if the rules did not apply to her. Since then I've had a falling out with her over taking photos, again I do not have a problem with it, it's how she goes about it.

My MIL claims she doesn't get to see my DD as much as she would like (she works 6 days per week) and feels like am always watching her with DD she so doesn't feel that comfortable. I informed her that till I know she will respect our wishes I will be with my DD when she visits.

However my problem today is this.....I only saw my MIL & FIL about 4 times a year, if that, before DD was born (been with DH now for 8 years). Whilst being pregnant I saw her maybe 4 times. We never met for coffee or to go shopping and would never go to hers for a coffee and chat, we just didn't do it. Now when she does have a day off she will text asking to meet (not to see me, but my DD). I don't hate her, we just have nothing in common and she drives me crazy with my DD she just doesn't listen to us. I would like to continue our relationship as before DD, am I being unreasonable?

bedraggled makes some good points.

Some of the stories here are horrific. Although we have all suffered with the bloody visitors to pfb it does get better as no bugger gives a toss by baby 4.

I really am struggling to see the ops situation being on a par with the really dreadful behaviours described by other inlaws here but unless the mil is actually harming the child I would say,

Have a few strict rules she must not transgress against and then bite your tongue,

realise you can't and won't and shouldn't control other people's relationships with your child unless they are negative

and rest assured that soon enough that cute baby won't want to be seen dead with either you or your mil.

It may not be that the relationship is bad though, just that life gets in the way!

If Ops husband & MIL both work fulltime, when are they supposed to see each other?

Not sure how far apart everyone is either.

I find my MIL difficult to get on with, but when the kids were young would have had her round once a week so that she could see her GC.

As it was she didn't want that & only wanted to see us when my husband would also be there for the full visit!

So weekends only, which my husband didn't want to give up too often!

You might feel that it works for you, sykadelic, but to tell the OP she MUST do that is a rather odd idea. You could very well be inflaming the situation was she to take that questionable advice.

bedraggledmumoftwo
I didn't say she should spend a day a week with the MIL In fact I specifically said that I wasn't suggesting she had to do that.

I'm merely pointing out that once a week isn't, in and of itself, unreasonable and so maybe if the OP could help to diffuse the tension (for EVERYONE involved) by allowing the GM some time with her grandchild that doesn't feel like a prison visit, then maybe she won't feel so desperate and be so demanding?

It's a granny who loves her grandchild. She may not be perfect but she's not going to harm the child, so I would take advantage of the situation and take the opportunity to get out and about rather than sit around and be annoyed the whole time.