to think that this doctor had the worst bedside manner in the world (warning, grim miscarriage story)

[jamtomorrow1]

I was until very recently 10 weeks' pregnant. After a couple of days of spotting I started bleeding very heavily overnight on Friday/Saturday just gone and went to A&E on medical advice at about 4am. I saw a very nice triage nurse then waited for half an hour before a woman came and got me from the waiting room. She didn't introduce herself beyond 'I am the doctor'. She took me and my husband to a consultation room. At this point I had a sudden gush of blood and it became horribly apparent that it was all too much for my night time sanitary towel and indeed my underwear. I explained what had happened and asked for a loo. She disappeared without any explanation, then reappeared several minutes later saying, 'I can't find any pads, now can you get on the examination table'. She then examined me with a speculum, without any sort of explanation of what she was doing, and started pulling out, er, stuff. She said very abruptly, 'Yes, you've had a miscarriage.' Until this point I was still cautiously optimistic that perhaps things might be ok so this was all rather sudden. She then held up a lump which to me at least looked distinctly embryo-ish in her tweezers and said, 'You see, this is foetal tissue, not just clots. It is a miscarriage.' At this point I slightly lost it. I should say that she hadn't asked if my husband would like to hold my hand or even come and stand with me rather than sitting on the other side of the curtain. She rounded things off by answering my question about how long I would bleed for by saying that it would be about the same length of time as if I'd given birth.

I am now wondering whether to make a formal complaint. I am almost certain that I am not just being oversensitive. This really was completely awful, wasn't it? I am still having flashbacks to the thing with the tweezers.

That sounds absolutely awful, what a horrific experience for you and your partner, please complain so maybe someone else won't have to go through what u experienced. X

I don't know what to say except I'm sorry you had to experience that on top of everything.

I found your description of the event upsetting l can't imagine how you must have felt.

One thing to bear in mind - if they come at you with any of that "It happens to one-in-five" (or four or whatever) crap, shoot right back at them "well, then why aren't you better at dealing with it if it's so common?".

I hate that stupid statistic getting trotted out - they should be able to deal with it better and with humanity regardless of how many times they've done it or how many times you have experienced it yourself.

I'm sorry for your loss OP.

Op, I work in the environment you talk of and if I was to witness this behaviour I would personally report it.
See that you see it through to the end, if you feel able, do not let yourself be fobbed off somewhere along the process. At a minimum I would think it would be appropriate to expect an apology if nothing else.

I'm sorry that you have had to experience this and I am only glad that the majority of doctors we have here that deal with this day in day out are sympathetic and have good bedside manners.

Complain, Complain, Complain.
What an awful experience.
Hope you're ok.

Sorry you had to go through such a terrible experience, OP.

I agree you should complain. I bet you're not the only person something like this has happened to. And I bet this woman's colleagues all hate her and are hoping that people will complain about her. It's only by complaining that we get to change stuff.

Just to add to the GMC thing, most Drs are reported to the GMC by their hospital trust, not individuals.

This may be an isolated incident or the latest in a long line of infringements. See what PALA do and if you're not totally happy, then step it up.

I'm a dentist and admittedly not the most sympathetic but fuck me, this was horrific OP. Seriously, that woman should be kept away from patients until she's had some training. That's horrendous.

Am now wondering if you know me Senatus although at least they took mine into another room to bin without asking me. I was a mess. Didn't even know I was pregnant until I gave birth. Was 17 years old and about 16 weeks gone. Just went home feeling numb. Wasn't until the next day that it hit me that I'd lost the chance to bury my baby.

So sorry to hear this :(
No doctor or nurse should behave this way no matter how they feel inside they need to have empathy and compassion. She needs to learn this and also how to be professional.do complain. Big hugs.

That's so awful, OP. Can't get over how anyone could be so callous. Wishing you well - be kind to yourself.

I'm really sorry to hear about your experience and your loss

Do complain - this is unacceptable

Hi jamtomorrow1

So very sorry for your loss and the awful treatment you received, I really hope you get a strong response to your complaint.

I also just wanted to let you and everyone else on the thread know about our miscarriage campaign. Started in response to many cases of poor care and treatment shared on Mumsnet, the campaign is now asking for all political parties to commit to improving miscarriage care in their 2015 manifestos. So far Labour have agreed, but we're yet to have formal backing from the Lib Dems and Conservatives.

If anyone wants to share the campaign on social media, please do use the hashtag #miscarriagecare , more details here

It sounds like this is horribly common. I have yet to hear back from PALS but I will keep you updated. It's a very good point that as there is a 1 in 4 chance of miscarrying doctors in this field ought to be extremely practised at dealing sensitively with women in this position. Who knows how many other women this doctor has upset? I think the Mumsnet miscarriage campaign sounds like a great idea. The level of care and information available is utterly useless at the moment. Without Google, Mumsnet and friends who have had miscarriages, I would have pretty much no idea at all what was happening to me at the moment.

How horrendously you have been treated. Please follow it through. Doctors like that need to be retrained as a matter of urgency. I'm so sorry for your loss x

Thanks jamtomorrow1 do keep us updated and let us know if there's anything we can add. We'll keep pushing at a national level for support from all the parties, and keep you posted.

Hi OP
just came across this thread as I’ve had a similar experience.
If you were willing to share I wondered what the outcome of the complaint was? I hope some action was taken with the Dr.
So sorry for your loss and that this happened to you.

I am so sorry. I have had three miscarriages and not once was I treated remotely like you were. The only issue I had was having to have a scan when pregnant women were there but I did get a very apologetic explanation about access to the best scanning machines and resourcing problems. All three doctors were very sympathetic.