Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

to think that this doctor had the worst bedside manner in the world (warning, grim miscarriage story)

92 replies

jamtomorrow1 · 03/11/2014 12:11

I was until very recently 10 weeks' pregnant. After a couple of days of spotting I started bleeding very heavily overnight on Friday/Saturday just gone and went to A&E on medical advice at about 4am. I saw a very nice triage nurse then waited for half an hour before a woman came and got me from the waiting room. She didn't introduce herself beyond 'I am the doctor'. She took me and my husband to a consultation room. At this point I had a sudden gush of blood and it became horribly apparent that it was all too much for my night time sanitary towel and indeed my underwear. I explained what had happened and asked for a loo. She disappeared without any explanation, then reappeared several minutes later saying, 'I can't find any pads, now can you get on the examination table'. She then examined me with a speculum, without any sort of explanation of what she was doing, and started pulling out, er, stuff. She said very abruptly, 'Yes, you've had a miscarriage.' Until this point I was still cautiously optimistic that perhaps things might be ok so this was all rather sudden. She then held up a lump which to me at least looked distinctly embryo-ish in her tweezers and said, 'You see, this is foetal tissue, not just clots. It is a miscarriage.' At this point I slightly lost it. I should say that she hadn't asked if my husband would like to hold my hand or even come and stand with me rather than sitting on the other side of the curtain. She rounded things off by answering my question about how long I would bleed for by saying that it would be about the same length of time as if I'd given birth.

I am now wondering whether to make a formal complaint. I am almost certain that I am not just being oversensitive. This really was completely awful, wasn't it? I am still having flashbacks to the thing with the tweezers.

OP posts:
Moreisnnogedag · 03/11/2014 12:59

Complain. And I say that as a doctor. Her manner was abhorrent.

Purplepoodle · 03/11/2014 13:15

I could understand an abrupt manner but what she did was awful and traumatic. I would write a letter of complaint perhaps with a hint of leaking to the newspaper about you terrible treatment

bakingtins · 03/11/2014 13:16

I'm so sorry for your loss and the horrible way you were treated. A miscarriage is an awful thing to go through anyway but a little compassion from the medical staff goes a long way towards making you feel cared for and respected at a difficult time. There is lots of support available on the Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss board in the Body and Soul section of Mumsnet. Please complain, she mustn't be allowed to treat another woman like that.

AbneyorTeal · 03/11/2014 13:17

Complain. Please complain. And if you don't get a good response, complain more. That is absolutely awful.

Firbolg · 03/11/2014 13:20

So sorry, OP. Please complain. Start with PALS? Persevere until you are heard. This goes way beyond a 'poor bedside manner'. A doctor who behaves like this with a woman in an incredibly emotionally and physically vulnerable situation should not be allowed near a patient.

robotnikchair · 03/11/2014 13:20

That is shocking, please complain. Information how to do it here:

www.gmc-uk.org/concerns/23339.asp

Topaz25 · 03/11/2014 13:23

What she did was very wrong. Please complain. She should not be treating patients. I am so sorry to hear about your loss and the insensitive way you were treated.

Blithereens · 03/11/2014 13:24

Christ!! You poor, poor thing. Definitely complain. How horrendous.

robotnikchair · 03/11/2014 13:24

I've just re-read the story and as a doctor and a mother I am appalled for you. So sorry about your miscarriage, I hope you have lots of supportive people around you Thanks

guinnessgirl · 03/11/2014 13:34

Fuuuuck, OP, you really have been treated appallingly. You poor love - are you getting support now? I can't tell you how sad I feel for what you've been through, or how very angry I feel at the doctor who treated you so very badly. DEFINITELY complain if you feel you can. Hugs and Thanks for you - I'm so sorry for your loss.

diddl · 03/11/2014 13:36

omg complain!

Being kind here I assume she knew that you suspected a miscarriage, so to tell you factually may have been her idea of the best way.

But the tweezers & explanation no way on earth was that necessary imo.

KalindaSharma · 03/11/2014 14:04

I am so very sorry for your loss, and that you were treated in such an appalling manner. Sad Angry

Please please complain before she is allowed to speak to other women in this way.

jamtomorrow1 · 03/11/2014 14:06

I have now complained to PALS at the hospital. Thank you very much to everyone for the kind words and advice, and particularly to Moreisnnogedag and robotnikchair for their doctorly insight. If I don't get an appropriate response from PALS then I will consider speaking to the GMC. A friend is a surgeon at the same hospital and knows one of the consultant gynaecologists well so I can always speak to her as well if I don't feel that my complaint is being handled properly. I honestly feel a bit better now - hurrah for Mumsnet. It's amazing how being listened to makes you feel so much less grim.

OP posts:
TsukuruTazaki · 03/11/2014 14:15

I'm so sorry you lost your baby and that you were treated so carelessly by a doctor who should completely know better.

Please do complain.

Flowers
CommanderShepard · 03/11/2014 14:19

I'm really glad you've complained but I'm so sorry not only for your loss but for the way you were treated. Completely unacceptable under any circumstances.

tobeabat · 03/11/2014 14:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PseudoBadger · 03/11/2014 14:24

So sorry OP Thanks

When I was treated appallingly during and after my MC I wrote direct to the Chief Executive of the trust and CC'd PALS.
After more than 6 months I got back a weak apology and a host of reasons why my treatment was fine really. Waste of time Sad

purpleapple1234 · 03/11/2014 14:26

I am very sorry for your loss. What a horrible experience. I am a chemistry teacher at a grammar school and half the kids who get into medical school I would be worried about their future bedside manner. We had one medical admissions officer come in for a talk a few years ago saying that if you care about people become a nurse. It was only the intelligent kids that they were interested in. I hope that this attitude has changed and like I say many of the future doctors that I have taught have been lovely, but obviously you met one of the doctors to whom caring is not part of the job.

spiderlight · 03/11/2014 14:31

So very sorry for your loss but I'm glad you've complained. Dreadful treatment and incredibly insensitive.

redexpat · 03/11/2014 14:31

Appauling. Thanks Hope you feel better soon and that you get a satisfactory resolution.

OnlyLovers · 03/11/2014 14:31

Good for you for complaining, and yes, if you don't get a good enough response then escalate, escalate, escalate. I would not expect that kind of behaviour from a medical professional for even a minor procedure.

I'm very sorry for what happened to you.

OwlWearingSunglasses · 03/11/2014 14:38

So very sorry for your loss.

Glad that you have had the strength to complain, the way you have been treated is worse than appalling.

Thinking of you and your husband xx

vichill · 03/11/2014 14:45

That has made my blood run cold. How awful for you and completely inexcusable. I'm so sorry for your loss.

silversixpence · 03/11/2014 14:47

That is appalling Hmm how awful for you. Please do complain and make sure this doesn't happen again.

catsmother · 03/11/2014 15:04

I'm so sorry about your baby and of course you weren't being oversensitive. I really hope your complaint is dealt with in a timely and sensitive manner ... I've had 4 miscarriages, 2 of which took place in a hospital, and on one occasion I had a similar(ish) experience to you when I lost the baby on the examination table and where the female doctor couldn't have cared less given her extremely brusque and "so what" attitude. All she had to do was utter a few kind words but being treated like an irrelevant and hysterical inconvenience makes an already traumatic situation so much worse. On the other hand, the male doctor I saw when it happened again was so so sympathetic and understanding and even though I was beside myself, I knew he'd probably gone above and beyond the call of duty with his humane attitude and I really appreciated that. I still kick myself that I didn't complain about the 1st doctor but I suspect many women who've experienced similar are too shocked and overwhelmed by grief to find out about complaining so well done you for making a stand. Hopefully, your complaint will prevent others from having to endure the nasty cow in the future.

Swipe left for the next trending thread