to not leave the house for at least a month owing to my one year old's horrific vocabulary malfunctions??

[TerribleMother]

My 20mo ds3 has a few words, most of them unintelligible. Mamma, dad, jees (juice), cake (!?), hank ooo (thank you, obviously) are the ones that we recognise most, although sometimes he'll throw us a curve ball (ice cream!) from nowhere, say it a few times, then never again.

Today, however, has been the learning curve from hell!! Firstly while watching Dora, when she says backpack, I repeated it to him, to which he replied 'pk'. No, ds3, it's backpack! He just kept repeating and repeating the wrong word. I tried bag, rucksack, just to get him to break the sound but nope. Ds1 walks into the room ready for school with his bag on his shoulder and ds3 points at him and shouts out 'pk'!

Short time later, ds3 toddles through from the kitchen with a box of crackers in his hand and loudly shouts 'fuckers!' He's been repeating that one on and off all day now too!

So wibu to not leave the house for an undetermined period of time for fear that my one year old will disgrace me and make me look like World's Worst Mum!? (It goes without saying that he has heard neither of these words in this house, or anywhere else for that matter!)

I feel your pain. My 18mo dd is using "bugger" for anything she can't quite say properly. So mega bloks are "bugger boks" and macca pacca is "bugger pugger". And of course when she drops something, it's "oh bugger". She learned that one from her father...

DD1 has a touch of Father Jack about her at the moment as well. She can't say 's' but has an obsession with socks so will loudly refer to 'Daddy cock' and 'Mummy cock.' She was watching the birthdays section of Cbeebies the other day and the presenter held up a lovely card with a smiling photo of a 1-year-old. "Cock!" exclaims my delicate wee flower. Not sure why...

When ds was 2ish he started running in circles shouting/singing fuck you! fuck you! Fuck you! After quizzing found out he was trying to sing the policeman song from balamory, it should of been "follow the clue, follow the clue"

When he was a little older he use to play in the little tallboy cupboard in his bedroom (pretending it was a bus) sometimes he'd ask me to close the doors so he could jump out and say boo!
But when he was telling dh about his day he said mummy puts me in the cupboard and closes the doors

Venti DD does that narration too.

Only the other day, in the post office queue, it was - "that is a lady, and that is a lady, and that is a man, he has a waggly tail..."

I died Actually I just pretend I hadn't heard her...

My eldest son went through a phase of being obsessed with clocks. Only he couldn't say the L sound. So we had a lot of "mummy, big cock!" When he saw a big clock.

When my middle son was toilet training we were in a public toilet in a cubicle together and I went as well, my son announced loudly "you doing POO mummy? Good Poo on Toilet mummy!" Mortified.

A dear friend's daughter is known among us as having a potty mouth when she's upset. Dear friend took her 3 yr old shopping where he solemnly announced to the cashier, apropos of nothing, "We don't say fuck, it's a bad word!"

My daughter used to say dick for stick for a while...I laughed quite hard when she was shouting in the park 'look at daddy's big dick'!!

I once announced at the top of my in a shop" mummy I didn't see daddy plant that seed in your tummy". She was heavily pregnant with my dsis.
The thing was the shop was the pharmacy across the road from the surgery where she was a gp and was full of her patients! We beat a hasty retreat into the dispensary

My DS, 2 years old, pronounces everything with a k. So sock, clock, hot, look, book etc sound like 'cock'.
BUT, when he says 'come' to me...usually in a very public place he says 'BUM, MUMMY, BUM'
Joy.

DD hasn't graced me with many, but that was possibly because DS was absolutely ace at it.

The 2 best were his favourite topping for toast - Fucker's Damn (Smucker's Jam) and his unfortunate way of saying dump truck.

One day, I was standing on the front step chatting with a friend who actually happened to also be a police constable (he had stopped by while on duty to check on me as he knew that things at home with now XH were less than stellar) DS walked up from the garden yelling "Mummy, where is my dumb fuck? Did you see my dumb fuck? I can't find my dumb fuck!"

PC friend muttered under his breath "he is still in the house, isn't he?"

I left with DS about a week later...

This'll totally out me, but when DS was still struggling with "st" sounds he announced very loudly to the bus that there was a picture of "a man with a dick" above the priority seats. I smiled and nodded, only for him to repeat it, at top volume, over and over and over until there were audible giggles from practically the entire bus . Luckily it was very clear what he meant (man with a stick) but "look mummy, look it's a man with a dick," still sounds pretty wrong coming from a two year old!

I will confess to DDs very well timed FFS mummy when I dropped a load of toys may have originated from me.

I am not proud of that.

I say sausages now. Let hope that one sticks.

Is not though is it

Not going to

FFS

I have a proper wooden walking stick atm due to pgp (& my mum has a retractable small metal one).

Ds1 excitedly point out other people 'look, like your big dick mummy', and talks to them 'my mummy has a big dick too', 'same as Nana's little dick' etc.

DS once shouted in the chip shop

"No mummy,don't want vagina on my chips"

And a few years later
I had a book at home "101 things to do with vinegar" and he was convinced it said vagina and told MIL mummy has a vagina book

I think he knows the difference now he's 16!

My niece calls high heels 'cocks' because of the sound they make when you walk. Once we were all at my mum's and my sister was trying on some shoes. She went into my mum's room to look at them in the full length mirror. DN piped up "mummy, why you cocking in nanny's room?"

DS went through a phase of saying "cunt" instead of "tongue". It didn't last long, but unfortunately he was very proud of his tongue and liked to show everyone, and tell them what it was (including the HV and GP)

at these.

I have this to contribute. DS (then aged 4) had got very into Looney Tunes and like to say Sylvester's catchphrase. Only for some reason the 's' became 'f'.

Fuckering Fuckotash had to be explained to his teacher .

We had it all with pfb when he was little: dick/stick, cock/clock etc etc.

I thought we were through it now he's in school but apparently not. According to ds the very hungry caterpillar makes himself a coon before becoming a butterfly. No matter how much I say it's a Cocoon! COcoon! He still can't get it right.

Love this .

Both the DTDs (2) refer to ribena as beer. The more I've corrected them, the more they've obviously clocked it's amusing. They find it particularly amusing to reference in public as in picknicking at the zoo 'Mummy, mmm, my beer NICE...Daddy wan beer?' or in the supermarket 'Mummy, beer NOW me wan beer NOW'. They have also developed a prefix - no idea what it's meant to be - that sounds like elko/alco, just to ram the point home as in 'Granny, Mummy like alco beer, my likes haf alco beer, mmm, yummy'.

Tbh it's DM who I find more embarrassing as the twins can be laughed off as kids being kids...her constant very public references to my pussy are very soon going to lead to her forced incarceration.

Mummy Mummy look the ducks are wanking, wank wank wank, said very loudly in a nice National Trust garden. Yes NF1 Quack Quack . Some of the expressions were priceless. They all have one or dozens and like to save them up when they will wind you up the most or may'be that's just my DS.

I was once woken up by DD1 very excitedly shouting "cunt! Cunt! Cunt!" In my face. After much confusion she finally produced a book she had been looking at and said "rabbit, carrot cunt!" - she was trying to say "crunch"

She also used to call McDonald's "fuck Donald's" and toothpaste was "poo taste"

Another one here whose two year old is still struggling with the word clock I find myself repeating out loud 'yes you are right... A CLOCK!!'

Older dd1 and dd2 have has great delight in teaching ds1 (just turned 3)

"Oh my god, look at her butt" from that crap song currently in the charts.