Breastfeeding a toddler when there is no milk - AIBU?

[EverythingIsAwesome]

I am a member of a FB page for mums, it is a little bit Netmumsy (lots of huns etc).

Today there is a picture of a mum breastfeeding her toddler. Except she says that stopped breastfeeding ages ago, and she is just letting him suck on her for comfort.

AIBU to find this weird? I feel I probably am, and cant understand why I find it a bit "off". But I do. I breastfed my own children to toddlerhood, so it's not that.

I nursed three school aged children (Reception and Year One) and if my last nurseling wants to do the same that is fine by me.

Actually if you ask people about their feeding experiences without judgement, many mothers will admit that they fed older toddlers usually behind closed doors ...it is not as rare as you think.

If you nurse through pregnancy it is very common to have a dry milk spell and some children like my DS wean at this point and others like DD1 and DD3 just carry on regardless.

Also a dummy is a baby accessory whose only purpose is to comfort a baby or toddler....I have never heard anyone complaining about the lack of milk from a dummy, have you ?

It's no different then letting your child such on your finger for comfort, which people do all the time.

Oh good god. Did I really read a 'bitty' comment on MN?

Her boobs, her toddler, her business, frankly. I see no difference between breastfeeding a 3 year old for comfort (because as several posters have pointed out, it is largely for comfort that we feed older toddler) and letting them suckle for comfort if there's no milk there. It is nobody's business but hers.

I still feed DS2, who's 3.10 now. I can easily see him still suckling (with or without milk being there, though there probably will be a little there if I continue his once-daily bf without a break) at school age TBH, as he has additional needs and it's very hard to rationalise stopping to him - for now, anyway. Frankly, him possibly being a school-age breastfeeder is the least of his issues.

So sickentired - you're a bit about me bf my 3.9 ds ? Why? Do explain your wisdom ( which is a bit based on your posts )

And what case? I don't think you have provided any actual evidence.

Not sure how I feel about this, I breastfed DS until he was 23 months, the 1st night without a bedtime feed he didn't bat an eyelid and went and sat on his sister's bed for a story! I don't think he's breastfed for comfort since the early days. I probably would let him if he asked.

Why did my son stop at 10mths?
I just knew one day he wouldn't feed again, and he didn't.
No attempts, whether tired, ill or whatever.
Hoping my daughter feeds longer.

catsize- it is very unusual for a baby to self wean under a year. Possibly was a nursing strike.

kellymom.com/bf/normal/babyselfwean/

I loved feeding my two, and felt very sad when we gave up however because of that feeling, I can't help but think that when people are doing v extended bf (school aged as someone said above) it's probably more for the mothers benefit than the child's.

My yr1 boy assures me that he will stop, eventually. He's been saying for years that he will "after Christmas."

After reading this thread I checked he was getting milk this evening. He proudly squirted some out. Yes, definitely milk.

claire- oh please.

Do you think it is possible to force a child to breastfeed. You ideas are very out of touch with reality. I have known several hundred women breastfeeding up to 5 years and most of them look forward to the end of their nursing relationship.

"extended breastfeeding" is child led.

bigbluestars No of course I know you can't force a child to breast feed. I also think if they want to stop breastfeeding earlier they could. Do you honestly think that women who do extended bfing dont derive any maternal comfort/pleasure from it? But I'm basing it on my own experiences where both my children self weaned. Maybe if they were desperate to bf, I would have continued, I don't know. Also, I don't know anyone personally who chose to do extended bf, so can't base any opinions on that either!

So you ddon't actually know anyone who has breastfed an older child? Yet you seem to know their motives.

If I never hear that ridiculous 'bitty' reference ever again... Raised as if it's original in every discussion about breastfeeding past about five minutes and usually in a 'bitty heh heh heh' kind of way.

What stands out to me in all these discussions is that anyone thinking breastfeeding a child (of any age, but let's be clear, a child) is 'weird' is because of a misplaced correlation between sexuality and breasts where children are also involved. And that is what's 'weird', not the breastfeeding itself.

"it's probably more for the mothers benefit than the child's"

bigbluestars when you say up to 5 years, do you mean 3-5 years ish? I find that interesting, do you work with mothers of young children? Proportionally roughly how many mums would you say carry on to 3-5 years if you have any experience of it? I'm not trying to be argumentative or make any particular point, just interested.

Hmm, what benefit to me is there, Claire? Do tell, I'm all agog.

I couldn't say claire- I don't think my personal experience is necessarily representative. There are no NHS statistics kept either/ I do know that many of the women I have known feel that they have to keep their breastfeeding activities secret- as public attitudes ( as even displayed on this thread) are often unfavourable. Many women breastfeeding 3-5 year olds keep it secret even from their own families.

Maybe benefit is the wrong word. When I was bfing, I enjoyed that special, close time with my child. I enjoyed that bond, that is what I'm referring to. Apologies for annoying you. It wasn't intended to.

Thanks bluestars, it kind of says it was down to me, yet he had every opportunity, especially as we co-slept. Him stopping did coincide with walking but if self-weaning isn't stopping of his own accord and not wanting to go back ever again, not sure what is. That article made me feel a bit sad though - perhaps I could have done more.

Sorry claire= maybe I am being over sensitive. I have been accused of sexually abusing my child by my aunt because I breastfed him at three.

It's a shame it is kept such a secret then, I guess extended breastfeeding programmes shown on tv aren't helpful as they don't try to present it in a favourable way. Thanks for the genuine reply though bigbluestars, as you obviously have significantly more experience than I do.

Oh god stars that is really, definitely not what I'm trying to imply. I really don't have strong views either way, just my own feeling. Sorry

I breastfed all three of my children but I find this SO weird. Actually, this whole thread is weird. Don't you have other things to do besides nursing? I let my babies lead the weaning and they all stopped before one year and I was OVERJOYED each time. I was really glad to have my body back and my children were happy to be lavished with hugs and kisses instead of a boob when they wanted comfort or affection. I don't get it .

((Probably should not post)) Gah fuck it, I'll say it anyway.

I fed DS until he stopped by himself, he was about four. By the end he was feeding so infrequently that I wasn't sure that I had any milk, it felt odd and quite uncomfortable when he latched on and I couldn't get a single drop out. But by that point, it would literally be a few seconds at a time anyway.

Six months later he suddenly decided he wanted to breastfeed again but I said no and effectively shut up shop. He kept asking me for months and months :( I felt sad about it but equally, I couldn't go back to it. I was so fed up of feeling like I had to justify it if anybody ever found out about it, or keep it as some shameful secret. DH would have found it odd, even. And plus I was done. I felt like I'd finished my "time" breastfeeding him and I didn't particularly want to go back to it. But I wonder, if I'd had another child, or if we'd lived in a more accepting culture. When he stopped asking it was like he forgot he'd ever done it, but he did say the other day that he remembered when he used to have milk from me (he is six now).