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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Breastfeeding a toddler when there is no milk - AIBU?

110 replies

EverythingIsAwesome · 02/11/2014 11:52

I am a member of a FB page for mums, it is a little bit Netmumsy (lots of huns etc).

Today there is a picture of a mum breastfeeding her toddler. Except she says that stopped breastfeeding ages ago, and she is just letting him suck on her for comfort.

AIBU to find this weird? I feel I probably am, and cant understand why I find it a bit "off". But I do. I breastfed my own children to toddlerhood, so it's not that.

OP posts:

5madthings · 02/11/2014 20:56

We'll it's not strange it's just natural term bfeeding and quite common when you let a child wean themselves. I am sure the mother does have other ways of comforting a the child but they wanted to nurse and so she let them. Why not? It's not harmful or weird. It's just unusual as not many people natural term bfeed in the UK.

And 're dummies, my dd has a dummy just for bedtime but she was poorly a few weeks ago and slept lots in the day and was generally miserable so I let her have her dummy and we spent the day snuggled up on the sofa. Once she was well again the dummy went back to bedtime only. Not a big deal.

I have bfed some of mine until almost four years old and know others who have done the same, in the context of natural term bfeeding is is entirely normal.

5madthings · 02/11/2014 20:57

Exactly mawbroom it's different to what the majority do and unusual because of that. But it's not wrong or weird, it's just different.

Catsize · 02/11/2014 21:24

I think it is perhaps because they had stopped? My 2.10 year old stopped bf at 10mths. His choice, not mine. He is very clear that bf is now for his 8mth old sister and has a very clear distinction that it isn't for him.
This led to me feeling strangely guilty once for giving him expressed milk in a 'desperate for milk' situation. My attitude is totally irrational on many fronts. Hoping to feed my daughter for much longer than 10mths.
Will probably continue to express if she chooses to stop early. Didn't think of that last time.
I have to say, it would feel very odd to start feeding ny 2yr old now, but wouldn't have bothered me if we had just continued.

Babieseverywhere · 02/11/2014 22:02

My 4yo weaned a couple of weeks ago and asked to nurse this evening...of course I let her even though she is only doing it for comfort.

I do have milk, as I am nursing her 2yo sister but milk is not essential for comfort.

SchroSawMargeryDaw · 02/11/2014 22:52

I think it's weird, not because she was being her recently weaned toddler, but because she posted the pic on fb.

I'm guilty myself of having bf pictures with my littlest, but he was tiny and unrecognizable to what he will look like as an older child, and I didn't post them on FB.

The thought of getting older and finding out there's pictures of you as a toddler suckling on the internet and no way to get rid of them if you want to, just sounds horrid.

Thebodynowchillingsothere · 02/11/2014 22:59

I think she's wierd for over sharing things that could really embarrass her kids when they are older.

And why would she think anyone is interested.

Always amazed people are so interested in how a baby is fed. Or care.

Neverbuyheliumbalonz · 02/11/2014 23:15

Surely it's not 'breastfeeding' to do this, it's just sucking on your Mum's boobs?

And why oh why would someone post it on FB? Most odd.

Meh, people can do what they want, but personally I find it a bit weird but that's because I am a total product of the attitudes towards breastfeeding in this country, I know, I know

Sendintheshiraz · 02/11/2014 23:23

IMHO sounds competitive parenting, and a nice bit of child exploitation on Facebook

Breastfeed your child/formula feed your child that's up to you, don't expect a pat on the back because it happens to still want to latch onto the boob or drink from a bottle as a toddler - why post the photo at all?

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 02/11/2014 23:55

It's not weird, it's completely natural.

5madthings · 03/11/2014 11:50

Ohfg it's not weird, it's just outside your realm on known/normal but it is perfectly natural.

Nor is putting it on Fb competitive parenting or likely to cause angst to the child when they are older.

're sharing it, app it was shared in a Fb page for mums!! One where they discuss and share advice etc on parenting so relevant to that group. Or just relevant because it's part of life, it's natural and normal and doesn't need to be hidden away.

What's weird is the fucked up attitudes to bfeeding that some people have and yes they are completely a product of the society we are in, bloody depressing but people are trying to change that. We have laws to protect bfeeding mums, hell even Fb has updated its policy on bfeeding pictures. Maybe some people need to examine why they have the reaction they do to bfeeding. It's like all the "I am supportive of bfeeding but" comments you get...

MsQuoted · 03/11/2014 12:10

I used to be one of those people who thought it was 'weird' to bf a weaned baby. If they have teeth or are old enough to ask for it, they're too old to have it, etc...

But

But, since having DD I totally understand why some women breastfeed into toddlerhood.

I have loved BFing dd. She's not even a year old yet but I can totally imagine a time in the future where she might just want to suck for comfort and I'd be happy to let her.

It's such a special, intimate thing. And in the scheme of things, it's so fleeting. I am certainly in no hurry to stop.

The story about a PP's DS discovering the milk again while PP was pregnant really made me smile :)

The only reason I can think of for people to have an issue with it is if they're projecting some odd sexualisation onto the act of BFing.

Having said that: I do think there's no need to put all that personal stuff all over FB.

Thrholidaysarecoming · 03/11/2014 12:16

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

bigbluestars · 03/11/2014 12:17

It can be argued that "extended breastfeeding" does't exist. What does exist is premature weaning.

All babies self wean- like all baby mammals.

mawbroon · 03/11/2014 13:31

Well done, 63 posts before someone said it...... FFS

BonaDea · 03/11/2014 13:41

Actually, OP, I also find this a bit odd if there is really no milk. I say that as someone still happily feeding a 19 month old. But if there had been no milk for a year, I do think it would be odd to suddenly let him suckle. I guess that's a gut reaction, and I'm hearing lots of people say it is no different to a dummy but, well, it feels different to me!

sickntiredtoo · 03/11/2014 15:57

Breastfeeding a 2 yr old + ok, breastfeeding a 3 yr old .Breastfeeding a school aged child- NO!! Weird and letting a baby suck when you have no milk also weird (although I don't know what makes her think she has no milk)

Thehedgehogsong · 03/11/2014 16:13

I'm really pleased this thread has so many positive posts compared to the unenlightened ones

Young babies also feed for comfort, they do an adorable wobbly chin light latch where the milk hardly comes out, and they are seeking comfort to sleep or sooth. Breasts are entirely for nutrition and comfort, and I think it's lovely that this mum gave the comfort her child needed.

Just to add, milk teeth are called milk teeth because they fall out at the age of natural weaning in most mammals. For humans, that age is 6 or 7 years. We need to see more natural term breastfeeding to stop being so uptight about it, and that includes in pictures on social media.

also fuck you David Walliams

bigbluestars · 03/11/2014 16:17

"Breastfeeding a 2 yr old + ok, breastfeeding a 3 yr old hmm .Breastfeeding a school aged child- NO!!"

Who made you in charge of deciding that.

sickntiredtoo · 03/11/2014 16:20

Society at large decided that not me!

Thehedgehogsong · 03/11/2014 16:24

Not sure what society you're referring to there as the one I'm surrounded by is much more open minded and accepting, as are the majority of posters here. Perhaps it's just a few people left who don't know much about breastfeeding and therefore make ill-informed sweeping statements...

bigbluestars · 03/11/2014 16:25

Society is a mixed bunch though- thankfully not everyone has a closed mind like you sick.

Original poster

EverythingIsAwesome · 03/11/2014 16:34

I am pretty sure I said in my OP that I breastfed my kids until they were toddlers ... so Im not sure why people are saying I dont get it or I am against bfeeding

OP posts:

sickntiredtoo · 03/11/2014 16:43

'Not sure what society you're referring to there as the one I'm surrounded by is much more open minded and accepting'

but how many 5 yr olds in 1000 are breastfeeding do you think?
I rest my case!

Thehedgehogsong · 03/11/2014 17:11

The average age of weaning world wide is 4.2 years, so I'd imagine there are plenty of 5 yo nurselings about. Perhaps not in the UK, but the number here is rising as breastfeeding rates improve.

Aeroflotgirl · 03/11/2014 17:15

I do find it odd, but each to their own and all that.

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