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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Breastfeeding a toddler when there is no milk - AIBU?

110 replies

EverythingIsAwesome · 02/11/2014 11:52

I am a member of a FB page for mums, it is a little bit Netmumsy (lots of huns etc).

Today there is a picture of a mum breastfeeding her toddler. Except she says that stopped breastfeeding ages ago, and she is just letting him suck on her for comfort.

AIBU to find this weird? I feel I probably am, and cant understand why I find it a bit "off". But I do. I breastfed my own children to toddlerhood, so it's not that.

OP posts:

Gileswithachainsaw · 02/11/2014 13:14

I would find that a bit odd tbh. I wouldn't if she was still bf but the fact she's stopped and there's no milk makes the whole thing a bit pointless.

The child may well not realise the milks stopped so the request may well have been made as they fancied the milk so ergo not asking to suckle just to suckle.

Surely most of us at three would have just given a cuddle and watched a movie snuggled on sofa if they were sick?

Graciescotland · 02/11/2014 13:16

I'm pregnant and I'm pretty sure my milk has stopped but I still let my 23mo DS have a bf at bedtime/ naptime if we're home. It's a comfort thing.

bigbluestars · 02/11/2014 13:25

gracie as long as she is suckling you will be producing something. The milk pruduced during pregnancy will at some point change to colostrum- which some toddlers enjoy. Although produced in small quantities it is very sweet and I imagine tasty to a toddler.

Marylou62 · 02/11/2014 14:07

Patron...ha!ha! I am 52...but I would have given anything for one of those shock surprize pregnancies!! Maybe me and you should move to the Polynesian Islands where Grandmas breastfeed their Grandchildren! I loved BF and so pleased I never had a 'last feed'. It was Christmas and very busy, DH putting to bed while I did the Nativity run etc...I realized I hadn't fed for a day or two...told DS he didn't need booby anymore and that was that....May I have another dream like that...it was lovely.
I can't wait to be a Grandma....

5madthings · 02/11/2014 14:13

I don't see an issue with it, I think it's quite common for toddlers to want an occasional nursing session, it's how the self wean just cutting down and the gap between feeds gets bigger. The child as you say is poorly and so wanted the comfort.

RaisingMen · 02/11/2014 14:41

I find it strange too, although I can't put my finger on why.

5madthings · 02/11/2014 15:22

I think people probably find it strange as we are not used to natural term bfeeding in the UK. It's not something many people do and so people are unaware and don't know how it works. What the mother in question is doing is perfectly normal in the context of letting a child wean when they are ready, so they may well stop for some time and then want to nurse again for some reason which in this case is due to illness.

FiftyShadesofScreeeeeeeam · 02/11/2014 15:31

I completely agree with you, 5mad.

kinkytoes · 02/11/2014 15:32

Giles there is every point if the child is gaining comfort from it.

PossumPoo · 02/11/2014 17:11

Yes I think it's weird. Also weird she put a photo on FB of it

maddening · 02/11/2014 18:33

But she didn't put it on her newsfeed - she put it on a what I gather to be a private "mums group" page so it was an appropriate forum as it was a page where a group of mums discuss their parenting - each to their own - the op and her friend enjoy being part of a parenting discussion group.

And it really isn't weird.

PossumPoo · 02/11/2014 19:33

No, still say it's weird to put a photo up of yourself bf your DC. Why would you do it? Ok to talk about if that's your thing, but the photo, to me, makes it weird. We're not talking about a baby who needs to be bf but a toddler who is looking for comfort?

milkpudding · 02/11/2014 19:37

Not weird
Young children get comfort from sucking. A dummy is an often more convenient nipple substitute.
Children who have recently stopped breastfeeding may want to have the breast again when they are unwell.
Why not share the photo on Facebook? Nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of. I see pictures on Facebook of people doing all kinds of things, why not comforting or feeding a child?

milkpudding · 02/11/2014 19:42

We all have different boundaries as to what we share on Facebook.
I recently took down my old holiday bikini photos as I feel they were over sharing. Some of my friends post bikini pics. I guess we just have different levels of sharing. I don't think they are wrong for posting a bikini pic, I am just not comfortable doing that myself.
Some people will be comfortable putting up a breastfeeding pic, others won't, but it doesn't mean the person who does share is wrong, just that you have differing concern for privacy.
If she wants to share this photo she is perfectly entitled to, there is nothing indecent or wrong or embarrassing about being seen breastfeeding/ letting her child suckle.

PossumPoo · 02/11/2014 19:42

So you're comforting your DC with a bf, snap off a photo and upload to a group fb page.

That is weird!

PossumPoo · 02/11/2014 19:44

Oh and I took photos of me bf DD for keepsakes and to show her so I'm not against it. Just think in this instance it's a weird reaction!

Spookgremlin · 02/11/2014 20:00

My three and a half year old has been unwell this week, and started saying he wanted mummy milk like his baby sister. He stopped breastfeeding a year ago, but it is obviously a strong association, not weird at all. He made do with a cuddle, but he was happy with that.

When dd was born, he did ask to have some again though he had given up a month or two previously, I let him 'try', he couldn't latch properly so didn't get anything, but allowing it was all part of his letting go of it.

It does no one any harm, but maybe the child some good, and that's reason enough as far as I'm concerned.

Stripylikeatiger · 02/11/2014 20:01

I can imagine taking a photo and sharing it especially as it's a parenting group, breast feeding is an emotional thing for the mother as well as the child, maybe she just wanted to share a lovely moment with people who might understand.

I recently shared a photo of my dc breastfeeding which showed my big bump, I shared it in a group which is especially for breastfeeding and I liked sharing it with people who appreciated how special moments like that can be. I also love seeing other people's photos.

I have very few friends who bf toddlers do it's good to see photos as it really normalises it for me.

5madthings · 02/11/2014 20:33

I really wish I had more pictures of bfeeding the madthings, we have very few and only from newborn days. If I ever have another I will be sure to take more and yes I would share them in Fb like I do other pics of myself and the madthings, there is one on my Fb wall from when I was in Labour with dd actually, early stages still standing and smiling! I just see it as part of my life that I share with family and friends which is what I use Fb for. Plenty of my frfiends who bfeed have shared pics of them feeding, I think they are lovely, makes me sad My bfeeding days are over unless we have another.

Gileswithachainsaw · 02/11/2014 20:35

But she wasn't breast feeding..That's why people think it a bit strange. No one thinks bf and sharing the experience strange.

5madthings · 02/11/2014 20:38

It's still bfeeding, child latched on and suckling even if only for comfort. You wouldn't be able to tell the difference by looking and even babies that are still getting milk bfeed just fir comfort at times that is part of bfeeding!

TheRealAmandaClarke · 02/11/2014 20:45

I stopped bf my toddler a month ago.

I almost fed her today for comfort.
she might still have milk and not be aware of it.
Yabu anyway

Gileswithachainsaw · 02/11/2014 20:47

Obviously you can't tell the difference. That's not the question though is it.

I still think it's very strange to not be bf a child and then let them suck anyway months later. Surely by then you'd have thought of other ways to comfort your child.

But then I wouldn't give a bottle or dummy back to a child who hadn't had one in months either.

Marchhairy · 02/11/2014 20:50

Speaking as someone who had a bad time breast feeding, had to do top up feeds which DS mostly preferred. As his mum I would find it hard, especially when he is ill and so needing if comfort to refuse him. Why upset a ill child more if you are happy to 'feed'?

mawbroon · 02/11/2014 20:53

OP, you probably find it odd because it is outwith your own experience.

Same as people who say "oh you shouldn't feed them past " where x age is the age that the person making the statement stopped feeding theirs.

Or "you should wean the older one if you get pregnant"

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