Doom... And more doom

[Keepswimming123]

Hi, sorry, I just don't know what to do. I have a good job that pays ok money, yet I have found myself in a completely shitty situation, to do with my dad dying and me having to leave my partner to move back in with my flipping mother (who hates me, and worships my sister). I have pretty much had enough of her criticism (plus she hates dp, even though I had to move out of our flat to try and help her)... Advice please.

Why do you have to get a 1-bed flat? Find a nice flatshare and move there. And please don't say you can't afford it - you can.

Once you've moved out, ignore your mother's calls.

Contact a solicitor to find out where you stand re the inheritance.

If your DP really is an alcoholic give him the boot.

Fixing everything in one go is huge. What one thing would give you the most relief right now?
Something has to change or you'll be there on Xmas Day. Valentine's Day. Next Xmas.
You have friends. Go and sleep on someone's sofa. Go to the party.

It's difficult. I will try. And with regards to dp's alcoholism, another reason why I am stuck with my witch of a mother

Just feel like I want to sleep forever... I genuinely can't see a way out of this, it's far more complicated than I can describe... Just want to go to sleep and never wake up

Break it down into steps.

Do you have some money in the bank that you could use to pay a first month's rent?

Can you go online right now and look for flatshares?

That would be a start.

From the outside this looks much simpler than it does from your point of view.
I don't know what else to suggest to get you to walk away. But you probably need help long term to get yourself in the right place before going into another relationship. Counselling or the Freedom programme.
You need to be ready to leave. Look at the relationships board and find Reality's Listen Up speech.

I don't have very much money... And my credit card is pretty much maxed as dad had a house abroad and mother insists that we visit it every holiday. Sounds idyllic, but credit card has taken a battering. So spose I should look for a flat share... Depressing...

Why is looking for a flatshare depressing?

I shared a flat in London and it was fun. I made friends who I still stay in touch with years later.

If you were my daughter I'd hate your dp and want you to live with me not him too. The housing situation is unfathomable from your posts. Not a clue whose house you were living in, but if dp is still living there then you've moved in with mother by choice and not because you were made bizarrely homeless.

If she's really that bad, you are not obliged to live there. Plenty of house shares in London, or go wild, get a job somewhere else and move away from both of them. My mum died recently, it's horrific. I don't know about you but it's left me with a serious case of seize the day/life's too short/make shit happen. You're 30, you're financially independent, you can do this.

So spose I should look for a flat share... Depressing...

Really? Compared to the life you're leading now?

Get out there and fend for yourself, OP. If the dp is an alcoholic, he's just as bad for you as your mother is.

Leave them, forget the inheritance and start to live your life. You're wasting such precious time.

So spose I should look for a flat share... Depressing...

FFS. Get over yourself. You are loving with an abusive mother and your DP is an alcoholic. And you think it's depressing to live in a nice house with nice and normal other 30 somethings?

Put on a game face and don't chat about your current situation or you'll find it hard to get accepted into a decent flat share tho.

I can understand why your mum doesn't want you to see your partner. An alcoholic doesn't hold a great future

What do you do when she shouts?

Is it worth looking after her from a distance. So a flat share but popping to see mum on regular days. How would your mum feel about that?

Ok thinking about cheap accommodation. What about house sitting?

You really need to take control of your life and gain some maturity. You are 30 years old not a teenager. nobody should be able to force you to do anything. trust me i know what it's like to have a dysfunctional family but you have really allowed all of this to hold you back majorly in life.

i still can't understand where you were living or why you moved in with your mum but you need to get out of there and quickly