Doom... And more doom

[Keepswimming123]

Hi, sorry, I just don't know what to do. I have a good job that pays ok money, yet I have found myself in a completely shitty situation, to do with my dad dying and me having to leave my partner to move back in with my flipping mother (who hates me, and worships my sister). I have pretty much had enough of her criticism (plus she hates dp, even though I had to move out of our flat to try and help her)... Advice please.

When you say your mum made your life unbearable while you were living with dp, what did she do?
Was it worse than six months of living with her?

I find this all a bit odd.

First you say you were living in your dads flat, why move, surely you sad dying in probate means the house/flat needs to sold not unoccupied????
Then you say you were living in your dp parents flat??? Which is it?

Dad dying

Only you are responsible for your actions - you are an adult and can move out, go non-contact, leave London - all these are possible and physically easy.
However, you are choosing to stay, it appears mainly because you want money.
Own that choice and stop moaning or change the choice and leave.

Go and see a solicitor. Find out what she can and can't do. I strongly suspect that she can't do as much as she likes to think she can.

I can understand why you can't afford to live on your own.

You say your DP has a lodger in the second bedroom, but surely if you were living with him you would share his bedroom?

Does your DP no longer want to live with you?

If you can't live with your DP could you consider a flat share with someone else to save on costs? There are always adds for flat shares on Gumtree and similar websites.

Perhaps you need to think about how much you care about your inheritance? Your Mum could keep you dangling on a thread about that for decades and stop you from living the life you want to live. Surely it's worth letting that money go, no matter how much it is or how strongly you feel you are entitled to it, just for the chance to be happy with your DP?

If you do decide to move in with your DP, you could just stop talking to your Mother. There are lots of people who sadly have to go into a no contact situation because of a parents emotional abuse.

She's just come home, and the shouting at me has already started... Was supposed to be going to a party tonight with dp (who has also shouted at me tonight). I have got changed bAck into my pjs and am sitting on my bed, dreading her a) calling me or b) dp asking where I am. I can't win.

And as much as I care about my inheritance, I would rather have my dad back any day. Plus my mum's house is filthy. As in actually disgusting.

Sometimes, people who grew up in dysfunctional homes, repeat the pattern with their partners and pick people who are not suitable partners.

You've not really told us what your partner is like. Do you think perhaps you are bit reluctant to live with him because he isn't the right person for you? Do you think, in an ideal world in which your Mum was not interfering, that you'd be happy with him?

Get dressed. Go out.

Tomorrow look for a room in a shared house that you can afford. Ditch 'd'p and you mother and start to live your own life.

You can win. Get dressed and go. Don't sit and wait to be told off.

Ps I moved for my job. Which was on a Year contract. In that time I had a complete car crash of a personal life including breaking my shoulder, boyfriend at the time got someone else pregnant etc, so I moved back home. Lived with do for 2 years, then felt forced to move back in with my mother.

Also my dp is a chronic alcoholic... As in wakes up in the night to have a beer... Then claims he has no money and 'borrows' off me.. Oh dear, not painting a good pic of myself here at all am I?

It does seem from what you've told us OP, that you might be better off without them.

I hope you find a happier situation soon.

No, you need shot of them both.

Just find somewhere you can afford to live and go. Start again.

Pursue your inheritance through legal channels, not emotional ones.

Thanks all. I have got a lawyer (ironically that was my dad's profession). Think I will speak to him, keep contact with my mother to a minimum, try and ask dp to sort his bloody life out! and decide that the party is going to have to happen without me this eve, sadly :-(

That's a drip feed.
Hotel tonight. Flat share asap.

You are in control of your life.

Not drip feeding I assure you!!

You just did...

Not sure I did. Sorry if you think that.

Don't apologise, you did drip feed. You waited until page three to tell us your DP was an alcoholic.

Sorry...

Blimey, don't turn this into another opportunity to think everyone is out to get you.

You just need to realise that you need to get strong by yourself, however few resources you think you have to do that. Relying on other people is not working.

I know. But everything at the moment feels like a huge step. Plus all my friends are getting married/having kids, and I am stuck at home, with someone who tells me I am a failure on a daily basis, this is what irks me the most....