AIBU? Private school related

[differentkindofpenguin]

hi all, typing on my phone so excuse any typos!

I have just been landed with a dilemma. We are a family on a moderate income- one of us is a nurse, other is admin assistant on just above min wage. Our eldest is due to start school next year, so I'm in the process of looking at local schools. There are plenty, and seem quite nice.

Now MIL came over yesterday and said she would pay for him to go to a local prep school if we wanted it. They paid for their other grandkids. Her worry is that as DS is pretty bright he won't get "pushed" enough in a state school. I have to agree this worries me too.

Now we are very, very grateful for the offer, but it got me thinking. It would be a brilliant opportunity for him, smaller class sizes sound great. Distance is a consideration, I don't drive and its gonna be two buses for me to get there :s. However DH will mostly be dropping off.

This is another thing- DH thinks I'm being daft and worrying for nothing. Private schooling is usually ( not always I know) associated with a certain social class and income. While we are financially stable, we do live on a shoestring budget. Shop at lidl, no holidays ( unless MIL sends us), no frills. I'm worried DS will be treated differently due to this. I have visions of him coming home and asking for things all his friends have that we can't afford. Or being ashamed to invite his friends to our house as its small and in a less salubrious area. Or being upset as his friends have been on lovely holidays and we can't even afford a week in a static caravan in Wales. I dread the thought of having to " keep up with the joneses" for the foreseeable future... DH thinks I'm overthinking it, and it won't be like that at all. I really hope not but can't help thinking about it.

Fully prepared to be told IABU. Sorry if this is a bit garbled, have 2 small kids jumping all over me!

My 3 are privately educated and I would say that there are only a couple of really wealthy families the rest are, obviously well off in comparison to many as they can afford to send their children privately, but certainly not millionaire type wealth.

I would say if anything that some of the children are a bit mean to the very obviously well off child who's parents really show their wealth which is a bit but there you go. They tease him about being rich which he vehemently denies so the opposite really of picking on the poor child!

Sorry, didn't really answer your question. Like most have said it totally depends on the school. I know someone's family who board at Stowe and half the families seem to have yachts and private planes so guess most of us would feel a bit out of our depth there but most private schools I wouldn't have thought would be in that league.

I think it's a fabulous opportunity fwiw. My parents' pay our DC's fees and I'm sure there will be loads others who do. No strings attached but I do feel scared sometimes that they haven't planned enough years ahead and suddenly the money will run out!

I think that it is very encouraging that your relationship with your MIL is good, although if your local primaries are fine, I'd be inclined to see if she'd put money in a savings account instead, as being able to pay for secondary, university, or some form of specialist training might be more useful in the long run. You might need to support DC through an internship also. Unless you're in an 11+ area, in which case private primary should mean your DC has a full choice of secondaries as they would prepare them for any tests. Basically, unless your DMIL is absolutely loaded, going private up to 18 for two DC is going to be something like £500k ish depending on inflation, area of the country and poshness of school and I would have thought the primary years are the least worth paying for, if what the state schools are offering is good. One other consideration is that private schools tend to offer better wrap around care (at a cost of course) which can be handy when you both work.