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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask my dad's gf 2 sell up or buy me out ........

34 replies

Jemima1988 · 31/10/2014 08:38

trying to cut a long story short.
my dad died in June
I have a 4 week old baby
I am living with my mum step dad 2 brothers my other half and my son ..... bit crowded ha

I now own 25% of the huge house my dad and his partner owned when my dad passed away she stated she wanted out. This made my day ad it gives me a bloody good deposit for my own place.

Now 5 months on she is dragging her heels she is now saying she doesn't no what to do. When I went 2 pick up the deed from her solicitor he said 3 months is enough time for her 2 get the wheels in motion I have Said if she can't decide what she wants to do she could buy me out to give her more time.

I have 2 text her every week for updates sometimes she replies sometimes she ignores me she is now saying she will get an evaluation once the painters are done and she will only deal with the estate agents who sold her the house

is there a way I can get her 2 move things along?

OP posts:

MaidOfStars · 31/10/2014 08:45

If it's huge and you own 25%, move in. That will kickstart her.

redexpat · 31/10/2014 08:46

She's lost her partner. It might just be too much for her to deal with right now. But can absolutely see why you're ready to move. I'd stop texting her. It wont help. Have you tried talking to her in person? In a neutral place? Has she met the baby? Might be a good way in. Do you live close enough to meet for a coffee?

In the meantime I'd stop counting on the money and start looking at other ways to raise the deposit.

scarevola · 31/10/2014 08:46

If she doesn't know what to do, all you can do is be sympathetic and supportive as she works her way through her bereavement.

Big decisions are sometimes best deferred beyond the first life-changing months.

I don't think there is any humane way to hurry her through this.

VivaLeBeaver · 31/10/2014 08:48

I suppose you could always get a solicitor letter but it would cost you.

One thing, I'd insist on three valuations of the house.

VanitasVanitatum · 31/10/2014 08:49

Ouch, poor woman. Its her home and her partner just died, not surprising she doesn't want to decide what to do straight away. Texting her weekly to know when she's getting out of her home so you can have your money less than six months after the death of her partner.. Give her time.

however · 31/10/2014 08:50

Don't hassle her or she'll end up asking you for 25% of the upgrade work. I would.

PrivateJourney · 31/10/2014 08:50

She lost her partner 4/5 months ago. That's all really.

ILovePud · 31/10/2014 08:52

Sorry to hear about your Dad. That's a really difficult situation, I do feel for your dad's girlfriend but I think it's reasonable after 5 months for you to expect that you will be able to access that inheritance. You're dad left that money for you. I think if you can do this amicably, through a friendly face to face discussion all the better but I'd seek some legal advice too. Does she own the other 75% or are there others who need to be included in these discussions?

BeckAndCall · 31/10/2014 08:53

I'm sorry you lost your dad - thats really sad for you and your family.

But 5 months is no time at all in the world of probate and executorship - im surprised your solicitor thinks shes had plenty of time to sort things out - there is an expression used - 'the executor's year' - which shows that these things take a while.

However, you do have some formal recourse - you must know who the executor is - thats not necessarily 'your' solicitor that you mention - its the person who is charged with dealing with the estate - the most complicated part of that often being HMRC. the executor does not even have to be a solicitor - it is often a family member.

Even if the house were sold tomorrow, the money could not necessarily pass straight to you as the executor needs to be satisified first that all of the estate's debts are dealt with, inlcuding any tax liability. But you should be able to get some idea of timescale at least.

pinkyredrose · 31/10/2014 08:56

She could well be in a horrid mental state atm. Her partner's died and her step daughter keeps hassling her to hurry up and sell her home so she can have the money. The fact that you've had a baby while living in a cramped house is neither here nor there, that was your own choice. Give her some space.

You've also lost your Dad though so maybe you have in common that you've both lost a loved one. Try to be more understanding and you may find her more likely to want to talk to you.

Monathevampire1 · 31/10/2014 08:56

She has just been bereaved and three months is no time. You are now 25% responsible for maintenance bills. Sit down and talk to her explain your point of view, maybe moving in might work but I suspect there is no love lost between you.

You could try and get a court order to sell.

carlsonrichards · 31/10/2014 08:57

You are harassing her.

If I lost my dad I'd be gutted, not harassing his partner for money.

Hatespiders · 31/10/2014 09:00

So sorry about your loss of your father.
Presumably your late dad left a Will and it has gone to Probate? And there are executor/s of it? The are the ones who are supposed to execute the delivery of legacies to the beneficiaries. I agree with others here that the lady has lost her partner, but you too have been bereaved. Nonetheless this should be sorted out now. I think putting it in the hands of a solicitor would be best; professional, impersonal and less direct hassle for both of you. After all you have a baby and need housing urgently.

carlsonrichards · 31/10/2014 09:02

And what would she be doing for money if the father had not died and left it,spiders. When you chose to have a child housing it is your responsibility. It is not like they are living on the street.

FunkyBoldRibena · 31/10/2014 09:02

She has just been bereaved and three months is no time

Presumably, so is the OP!

I go with telling her that she needs to decide what to do. Either - sell up, buy you out or you will have to move in.

VivaLeBeaver · 31/10/2014 09:05

From what the OP says the gf might not need to sell up. She talks about possibly buying her out. Which suggests she either has the money to do so or possibly get a mortgage.

If this is an option then that's no way as big a wrench as having to sell.

I think the gf needs to tell the OP which of the two options she wants to go with, selling the house or buying her out. If its selling then the OP can decide if she wants to give her a bit more time.

For all we know the gf has the money in the bank and is just dragging her feet over handing it over.

Original poster

Jemima1988 · 31/10/2014 09:08

I can undescended where you ate all coming from.

no she hasn't met the baby and if I have my way never will.

few things you need 2 understand about this woman
they were together 5 years before I met her
when I went round she would go out
we don't have ANY relationship
she would go away 5-6 times a year and leave my dad (who had dementia) alone and not tell anyone she was going so we could provide appropriate care
when I was at the hospital 6 months pregnant sat watching my dad die for 3 whole days she was in London and wouldn't come home

safe 2 say I do not like this woman !

OP posts:

Original poster

Jemima1988 · 31/10/2014 09:11

I am the executor of the will
I have the probate

yes I no I seem unsympathetic and like I have no heart I was very upset when my dad died but I was 6 months pregnant I had to deal with a lot and try and sort everything before my son arrived

OP posts:

PrivateJourney · 31/10/2014 09:13

Hmm, then it's not surprising she's not in any rush to hand over 25% of her home to you.

Obviously she will have to eventually, following due process but you can't be harassing her in the meantime. No matter how much you feel it's justified it will always look terrible to outsiders (like us!). Personally, I think a year to get these things sorted is reasonable. My GM's estate took that long when everything was completely amicable. The more "difficult" you are the longer it's going to take.

How were you planning to provide for your family if your father hadn't left you anything?

FunkyBoldRibena · 31/10/2014 09:18

Did he write the will when he had dementia?

Original poster

Jemima1988 · 31/10/2014 09:21

No the will was written 5 years before he became ill x

OP posts:

bananaleaf · 31/10/2014 09:22

So sad for your dad to pass away when you were pregnant.
Presumably it was not something you were expecting. What was your plan for accomodation prior to you dad passing away? Could you carry on with that plan in the meantime?

I don't think YABU to expect an answer either way (sell or buy out) but I don't think hassling by text is the way to get the answer. Try and meet in person and find out some facts. Does she have the money to buy you out? Is she in a position to get a mortgage for this purpose? If not she (and you) will need to sell. I agree with getting 3 valuations.

A PP mentioned your dads GF might request payment towards repairs, from the other perspective should she not be paying you some rent?
I would be seeking legal advice and determine the facts.

bananaleaf · 31/10/2014 09:26

Sorry few x posts took ages to tyoe

bananaleaf · 31/10/2014 09:26

Sorry few x posts took ages to type

ILovePud · 31/10/2014 09:28

Well different outsiders will have different perspectives OP, I don't think you look terrible for wanting access to the money your father left for you. Your the executioner of your father's will and I don't see what you're doing as 'hassling' his gf. I think if at all possible it is best to keep this amicable but this may not be possible and you may need some legal assistance. Obviously I don't know what you'd have been doing about money or housing if you hadn't inherited this share of their house but that's irrelevant, this was your Dad's asset and he wanted you to have that share in the house, it's I think it's important to honour his wishes. I don't think you should be expected to contribute to the costs of any maintenance work on the house unless this has been done with prior agreement either. I hope this all works out ok for you.

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