Husband & Brother-in-law acting like kids

[OliviaBlue]

Hey guys, a little bit of background - my DH & I have been married for just over 7 years and we have two children. Generally my DH & I get along great, but lately we've been a little off.

My DH's brother is 2 years younger than him and they've always been pretty close but never saw each other much because his brother lived and worked in Michigan. That was until January this year when he moved back to California because my MIL became ill (she's fine now) and he ended up staying and working here.

So anyway, DH & BIL act really dumb together, like kids and BIL is always over at our house. Just the other week (last Wednesday), I got home from work at around 1pm and started cleaning up in the kitchen. DH had the day off so he was down in the basement fixing shelving that came down. So BIL comes over and asks where DH is and I say, so he goes down to the basement. Anyway, a lot of time passed and the kids came home from school and I spoke to them then sent them upstairs to do their homework while I started dinner. So I started thinking, where the hell is DH and BIL? So I went down to the basement and they were naked and they were grappling and wrestling and laughing. I just kind of stared at them and they didn't even see me, so I was just like, "Dinner will be ready soon and you need to come upstairs.". I mean, I thought it was pretty sketch, but I didn't want dinner to burn and I was going out later with my girlfriends, so I just went back upstairs.

So I finished up with dinner and called the kids down and gave them their food at the table and then DH & BIL came up from the basement and into the kitchen. They were dressed again, but DH had a bruised looking eye and BIL had a kind of swollen bottom lip and a missing tooth and was holding a tissue to his nose. He left and DH sat at the table and started talking like nothing was wrong. So I waited till the kids were finished eating and had went to go play upstairs then said to DH that I was getting kind of sick of how childish he and BIL were acting and that I would prefer he not come over so often. So DH started sulking and gave me silent treatment. I didn't really have time for it though, because I was going out, so I just went and got ready and left. When I came home the next day, he still wasn't talking to me, and eventually he said I was being unreasonable to expect him to not have BIL over at our house.

I don't think it is unreasonable after the way they've been goofing around. I guess I just wanted to hear other people's opinions about it all.

I have seen brothers fight, very rarely, when drunk, once or twice in their lives. Never naked though and I can't imagine in what context this would be occurring or why the brothers didn't offer an explanation for this weirdness.

Is it an American thing to fight naked with siblings?

Are you completely culturally blind? have you never heard Michelle Obama talk fondly of how the naked wrestling with her brother made her a better law school candidate? Or Nora Ephron talk insightfully about how naked wrestling with her sisters honed their ear for language?

OP your husband is weird and his brother is too. If you want a life of having to separate your aging husband and his aging brother naked in the basement each thanksgiving (oh the visuals), keep on going. Otherwise maybe have a chat with your dh about what is and isn't normal behaviour in adults.

By the way, what are your parents in law like?

Arrr I feel for you Olivia on this.
You obviously trust your husband so I hope you're not becoming unduly paranoid by all these comments.
I think excentricity is a good trait and wrestling with brother is a sign of closeness (violence not good tho).. Obviously naked isn't appropriate really (and if it happened again, I'd be worried).
I'd show your husband your thread here - he'll clearly see this is no way to behave.

It doesn't sound childish to me.

It sounds very adult.

I had a workmate who was caught by his fiance having a "naked wrestling match" when she paid him an unexpected visit.

Although they were not wrestling. They were having sex and she was unaware that her fiance ( my workmate) was having a homosexual affair.

@bigbluestars - I guess everyone has a different idea of what crazy is. But I agree it's weird and OTT.

@theposterformallyknownas - BIL left after they came upstairs and my husband doesn't act that weird when his brother isn't around. He's a good father, although from reading my post, I can guess why you might worry about that. Our kids are 7 and 8.

wrestling is traditionally conducted naked. they were just being perfectionist about their art.

Canyouforgiveher-

Naked is really, properly odd

I've heard all sorts of crazy shit and that's right up there with pigs in tutus

My DH reverts to utterly childish behaviour when his sister comes over. He deliberately provokes her to get a reaction, probably like he did when he was her annoying kid brother (7 years age difference).

I don't think he's really conscious of his behaviour, it's like he slips back to childhood.

He's 67

ipaddy- do they fight in the buff too?

*My DH reverts to utterly childish behaviour when his sister comes over. He deliberately provokes her to get a reaction, probably like he did when he was her annoying kid brother (7 years age difference).

I don't think he's really conscious of his behaviour, it's like he slips back to childhood.

He's 67 hmm*

Do he and she strip naked while he provokes her?

But you are right. the behaviour of getting naked and hurting each other could be just slipping back to childhood - jeez quite an image isn't it. :)

If my kids got naked in the basement and wrestled each other and then came upstairs with bruises I'd be calling a good child therapist asap - so not sure the title "husband and brother in law acting like kids" really captures what is going on here.

I've just run this past my DH and asked what set of circumstances would make this happen

He says only if incredibly pissed and they'd become fixated on not ruining their shirts during fight club

He says he can't imagine there's enough alcohol in the world to do it though

@Bigbluestars - I'm far from naive - I know the difference between gay sex and wrestling. They weren't rolling around on the ground, they were standing and grappling.

@BobbyDazzler1 - I'm not going to get paranoid from comments, and I don't have any trust issues with him and he's very affectionate and caring toward me. I'm not concerned about a sexual aspect because I really don't believe there was one - it didn't even strike me as particularly sexual (other than them being naked).

i have 4 brothers, and 17 boy cousins, who all wrestled and fought and and as adults will horse around and tackle (most of them plaid American football ) each other during family games. They are all comfortable enough to publicly hug and even kiss each other without having to loudly call each other brother or cousin to demonstrate not gay. Those living 'back home' still sometimes skinny dip at the spot on the river that they did as kids, and have introduced their sons to this.

But they would not be wrestling naked in the basement, to the point of injury, not even when drunk. (And they do like to drink together, so its worth mentioning this still wouldnt result in naked wrestling. Clothed is a possibility, though small. Wouldnt want to spill their beers.)

The wrestling I could ignore.
The nakedness might generate a bit of a .
Fighting to the point where there is a lost tooth and bleeding would be beyond what I would tolerate in my home.
If they want to play fight, then they should go to a gym and beat each other to a fun-filled pulp

@LauraFairyCake - they had been drinking but not a lot and not for long.

I am absolutely pissing myself at this thread and I so needed a laugh, thanks everyone particularly usual

Naked wrestling?

Has the word 'incest' been floated.

Wrestling is fine. Naked is okay. The two should not meet.

canyouforgiveher

No! Thank God.

SIL is, ahem, very comfortably built and DH is a 6'3" weathered string bean. I really don't want that image in my head.

The naked wrestling is crazy enough. But as a poster said above, if someone lost a tooth in my house whether it was a real fight or just play acting, then I can guarantee it would never happen again.

I don't blame you one bit OP for being pissed off. Totally unacceptable behaviour.

larry- I don't think the OP is pissed offf-

"I don't think it is unreasonable after the way they've been goofing around."

She seems to think it's reasonable.

No, bigbluestars, I meant it's not unreasonable that I don't want BIL coming over so often.

OP- can you really not just have an honest conversation with your husband? If mine arrived at the dinner table with bruises, I would just react honestly 'what on earth has happened to your face' and same on seeing them in the basement- did they not offer any explanation of this entire scenario?

Even if BIL comes over less often, surely the issue is they shouldn't be naked or fighting, are you not quite disturbed by this given that not one poster has ever had a husband, brother or male friend who has done something similar. This is weird stuff and I would be wanting a frank chat with my husband, as I would be more disturbed by him thinking this is ok behaviour (around the children, sitting down with injuries?)- who cares if the BIL is prevented from coming over, the strangeness lies with your husband.

If they want to play like kids, then maybe you need to set them house rules like you would with kids.

Basement is out of bounds.
No nudity.
No fighting.
If they get overexcited and silly on playdates, then BIL goes home at once and DH sits on the bottom of the stairs (1 min for every year of his age) thinking about what went wrong and how to do things differently next time.

OP you say your friends made comments on Oliver Reed/Women in Love, what did they think about your dh and bil behaviour?

Were either your dh or bil embarrassed when they came up from the basement? Did your dh offer any explanation?