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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to leave 4 yo in swimming class and go for a swim myself?

55 replies

moodoperator · 27/10/2014 06:57

My DW thinks it's completely unreasonable of me to even consider going for a swim myself while my 4 yo is at a swimming class (with an adult instructor) in a pool with at least one lifeguard. If I was swimming, I'd be in the same pool and he'd be able to see me.

Am I losing my mind ?

A friend suggested a compromise of watching the first couple of classes and then seeing how comfortable we both feel with leaving him alone and it was, er, blown out of the water completely.

OP posts:

DelGirl · 27/10/2014 07:01

if it was my dd, she'd be distracted and want to swim with me. she'd be more focused without me there. yanbu but I dont think its the best idea.

Andanotherthing123 · 27/10/2014 07:03

Yanbu (unless the instructor wants you in the water with DC). Can DW come to the first session or talk to the instructor beforehand to put her mind at rest?

IAlreadyToldYou · 27/10/2014 07:03

I used to do this when dd was 4. I also waited until she'd had a couple of lessons and I knew she was confident staying with the class so I think that's a good idea. How big is the pool? Could you easily keep an occasional eye on ds whist swimming? Ours is quite a small pool so I was easily able to. It makes sense though, it's the perfect time to swim.

Smidge001 · 27/10/2014 07:05

Hi there.

TBH I'd guess that the issue is not to do with safety but more about showing a lack of interest in what your 4yo is doing in the lesson. Your DW may have wanted to hear you saying how keen you were to watch the lesson, get an understanding of how they teach, what he's good at/needs practice at outside the lessons etc. it may be more that your involvement by taking him to the lesson is suddenly removed by the fact you're more interested in having a swim yourself

This may of course not be the case at all, just giving my perspective. (As personally I wouldn't be worried about the safety aspect at all, but perhaps your DW is).

HamishBamish · 27/10/2014 07:21

YANBU. Our local pool offers a discount to parents who swim whilst their children are in lessons (and that's in a separate pool). Why doesn't your DW go too? That way you could take it in turns to watch/swim each week.

Flexibilityisaghost · 27/10/2014 07:29

YANBU. Has your DW said why she is not happy with the idea?

CharlesRyder · 27/10/2014 07:30

I watch my DS's lessons so I can shake my fist at him when he isn't listening so I know how he's doing.

Original poster

moodoperator · 27/10/2014 07:49

@andanotherthing123 she could definitely come at the end of one of the classes and talk to the instructor so yes I'll plan that

@ialreadytoldyou the pools fairly big - it's the one in stratford

@smidge there may well be something in that but I'm a big believer in maximising joint fun - oh and we split the childcare 50/50 ish in case you're thinking this is the only time I get to spend with DS.

@flexibility yes - it's about safety - she doesnt trust the instructor and lifeguard with our beloved ds.

OP posts:

Original poster

moodoperator · 27/10/2014 07:50

@hamish - she can't come as it's after school and she's at work - she could possibly catch the tail end though

OP posts:

2cats2many · 27/10/2014 07:53

Definitely YANBU. Go and have your swim. The instructor is watching your DS.

Meglet · 27/10/2014 07:56

The pool in Stratford. Is that a stealth Olympic pool boast .

Yanbu.

Ragwort · 27/10/2014 07:57

Your DW sounds very controlling, I used to do this all the time when my DS had swimming lessons, from a much younger age. You are paying a qualified instructor to teach your child; in addition there will be lifeguards there.

Why on earth wouldn't you swim? I also used to do an aerobic class when my DS had swimming lessons, nothing more tedious than watching lessons.

ProfYaffle · 27/10/2014 07:57

I used to do this when dd1 was a similar age - unfortunately I had to stop when dd2's nursery hours changed and I had to have her with me. We had no problems, the only downside was that I couldn't really keep tabs on how dd1 was doing and what progress she was making.

bakingtins · 27/10/2014 08:00

I used to do this with ds2, I swam in the big pool while he had his lesson in the kids' pool. I waited a few weeks to make sure he was ok on his own with the teacher ( had previous had parent and toddler classes with the same instructor) The only other issue is if they suddenly announce they need a wee the parent has to take them, but I just took DS before the lesson and the instructor knew where I was if I was needed. I never worried about his safety, he had the instructor with a small class and the lifeguard, who I have seen spring into action a few times over the years.

Cat2014 · 27/10/2014 08:01

Not a problem sometimes imo, but I agree you should make an effort to watch some of the lessons.

SixImpossible · 27/10/2014 08:10

YANBU

It's a perfectly logical thing to do.

How about compromising that you will watch the last 15mins every week, ot the whole lesson once a month?

If it's about perceived safety, then your being in the water or in the viewing gallery isn't going to make much difference. And no way should you be pacing the pool-side, keeping level with your PFB, your eagle eyes never leaving his little bobbing swimming hat.

Captainweasel · 27/10/2014 08:19

Surely just speaking to the instructor is enough. I've been to watch swimming lessons before and parents have to sit (at our pool anyway) on the viewing gallery high above the pool. They can't interact with their kids anyway.

I'd go for a swim. It's not as though you're planning on leaving and going to the pub or somewhere.

addictedtosugar · 27/10/2014 08:22

So, if DS gets into troubble, and your sat on the side watching, your going to jump in fully clothed to rescue him??
Most of the parents at DS1's swimming lessions are focused on their mobile / book / other child, with occasional glances to the pool.

I agree it would be nice to swim twice followed by watching the next lesson.

skylark2 · 27/10/2014 08:22

I wouldn't go swimming in the same pool as my kid who was having a lesson - I don't think they'd concentrate.

But if a 4 year old still needs you watching everything they do with another adult, I think this is an excellent opportunity to gently get them ready to it not happening. It will happen all the time when they are at school.

I don't understand what she thinks you could do in a safety incident. If she genuinely believes your kid isn't safe in the swimming lessons, he needs to not do them.

CaulkheadUpNorth · 27/10/2014 08:26

What do other parents do? Ie would it be obvious that you are the only one not watching? I only say that as your ds could be a bit miffed.

However, I think yadnbu and it's an ideal time. Surely you wouldn't stay if it was a gymnastics/football/karate class? (Or any other, I picked three with slight chance of "danger")

JuniperTisane · 27/10/2014 08:29

I go to the cafe with ds2. I can only watch from a discreet distance as if he knows I'm there watching he tends to act the fool rather than do as he's told So I go and get coffee and chat to other parents I know.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 27/10/2014 08:31

Of course YANBU! And you won't distract DC as they will be focused on the coach.

Hellokittycat · 27/10/2014 08:37

Yanbu from a safety point of view, but is it actually worth it? Swim lessons are usually only 30 minutes and you have to be waiting ready to take them at the end to get dressed.
I have to say id be a bit peeved if my dh did this because he has a similar attitude that he only really does stuff with the kids that he will enjoy or take part in too. I think the kids pick up on his lack of interest in their interests

Caravanoflove · 27/10/2014 08:44

I do this. Every week. Your wife is being precious.

bruffin · 27/10/2014 08:57

she doesnt trust the instructor and lifeguard with our beloved ds.

Does she know the training that lifeguards and swimming instructors have to do. Both my dcs are qualified lifeguards, they are not allowed to work if they dont do training that month, they have to renew their qualification every two years.

My dd was going to apply for summer work at Stratford but her birthday was september and she was too young for stratford.

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