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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to leave 4 yo in swimming class and go for a swim myself?

55 replies

moodoperator · 27/10/2014 06:57

My DW thinks it's completely unreasonable of me to even consider going for a swim myself while my 4 yo is at a swimming class (with an adult instructor) in a pool with at least one lifeguard. If I was swimming, I'd be in the same pool and he'd be able to see me.

Am I losing my mind ?

A friend suggested a compromise of watching the first couple of classes and then seeing how comfortable we both feel with leaving him alone and it was, er, blown out of the water completely.

OP posts:
Ilovetobiteyourneck · 27/10/2014 09:00

YANBU.

arethereanyleftatall · 27/10/2014 09:00

Yanbu.
Goodness we should be grabbing any free time we can get with both hands!

ApocalypseThen · 27/10/2014 09:01

I hate that parents watch every interaction their children have. They need some privacy to begin to establish their own personality.

Go for your swim.

ReallyTired · 27/10/2014 09:04

I have done this and neither of my children came to any harm. In fact both children enjoyed having an extra swim after their lesson.

magichandles · 27/10/2014 09:05

YANBU - we can't even sit by the end of the pool where DD (also 4) has her lessons) and have to wait at the other end so I have no idea what she is doing.

I used to take DS for a swim while she was having her lesson, but now I have DD2 as well, I can't do that.

Original poster
moodoperator · 27/10/2014 09:10

@Hellokittycat I think you've hit the nail on the head - my convenient justification for my selfishness is that our 4 yo is into whatever he does so we may as well both have fun. Selfish, yes but bad? Not until I start saying no to things he wants to do, which hasn't happened yet unless you include watching telly and buying him unlimited sweets. And of course, I expect it to change as he gets older and develops interests.
And for the record 30 minutes of swimming is definitely worth it and a very fine workout for me.

@caravan no comment

@skylark2 @CaulkheadUpNorth DS won't care one bit if I'm there or not once he's used to the setup. He will however be deeply upset if I'm not there the exact second the class ends.

@siximpossible - no point in the last 15 minutes - it's a half hour class !

@everybody thank you

OP posts:
milkjetmum · 27/10/2014 09:15

Yanbu, I do this every week and will be going at lunchtime today. It's nice for me as pool is small I can see/hear a lot of the lesson, am not far off if dd needs a wee etc. As others said I am a bit of a distraction to dd, but not all bad as instructor said to dd once, 'I bet mummy can do it' when she was reluctant to put face in water, cue crazed bubble blowing demonstration from me to bemusement of other lane swimmers Smile

whatever5 · 27/10/2014 09:15

I probably wouldn't if my child was only four as I would want to encourage them and be there is they felt scared etc. I don't think there is a safety problem if there are life guards there as well as an instructor.

Is your DW nervous in the water herself? A friend of mine is very afraid of the water and when our children were having swimming lessons she not only watched like a hawk but also got me to promise that I would get in and fetch her daughter if there were any problems.

Nativity3 · 27/10/2014 09:16

Just swim and don't tell her!

He'll be perfectly safe with a swim instructor and also lifeguards there!!

Marshy · 27/10/2014 09:19

If your dw is worried about safety surely you would be better placed to swim to the rescue if you were already in the water rather than fully dressed on the poolside! Not that I imagine for one minute that your rescue skills will be required.

I think that watching children swim is tedious so if you can get a swim in at the same time and then be there to get changed afterwards everyone is a winner

Pootles2010 · 27/10/2014 09:20

We do it every week, it works really well as we take ds back in the pool with us after his lesson - its a great time to practise any bits he's struggled with in the lesson.

I also think if you want to encourage your kids to like doing something, the best way is to see that you enjoy doing it too!

sunnyrosegarden · 27/10/2014 09:23

I do this sometimes (at one point, I had a 4 year old in one class, a 7 year old in another,and I had a quick swim.

Now I usually read my book. Most parents use swimming lessons as a moment to grab half an hour rest.

RiverTam · 27/10/2014 09:24

I don't think I would if DD could see me, that would distract her. In our pool you could do it as you can't see the learner pool from the main pool.

I don't see a problem. Watching 4 yos learning to swim sounds pretty dull.

Mascaramascara1 · 27/10/2014 09:24

I do this all the time - ds's age 4 and 6 have swimming lessons on a Saturday am. Ds1's is 9-9.30 and ds2's is 9.30-10 as they're in different ability groups.

We all go into the pool at 9. Ds1 has his lesson and ds2 swims with me, then I swap dc and ds2 goes off for his lesson and ds1 stays with me.

Works really well.

museumum · 27/10/2014 09:27

I think it's good for kids to see parents running, swimming, cycling and playing team sports. It reinforces that these are not childish things to be grown out of. I would hope that children of active parents will stay more active as they get to pre-teen age when they want to be all grown up and play Xbox or watch TV instead of active play.

Original poster
moodoperator · 27/10/2014 09:27

@whatever5 Yes - she's not confident at all in the water and that''s definitely a part of it that I hadn't really dwelt upon.

@pootles - I agree totally re setting an example

@nativity3 - the truth comes out in the end when 4yos are involved

@everybody collectively you're good - you've helped me think about a lot of angles to this that I hadn't considered

OP posts:
specialmagiclady · 27/10/2014 09:28

I teach 4 year olds to swim. Occasionally, there are children who need their parents to come in the water with them for the first5 minutes for a few weeks. You could always take your kit "in case you need to get in with DS" and then when you are sent away for being a distraction gently told your child doesn't need it, you can slope off for a swim.

Half an hour is plenty of time to get a good swim in. I used to see how many lengths I could do in my son's preschool swimming lessons. Also you are wet and prepared to have a swim with DS after the lesson: mega bonding, a great way to monitor progress and for DS to practice what he has learned and make more progress. The children I teach whose parents do this are without doubt the ones that make the quickest progress. You wouldn't bother getting changed for a 15 minute swim with your DS, but if you can go in together after you've both had a swim...

Your wife is being a worrywart.

At all but one of the pools I teach at, the parents sit too far away to do anything other than vaguely discern which goggles/swimming hat/armband combo belongs to them.

Pico2 · 27/10/2014 09:28

YANBU - DH does this with DD - also 4. They then have time together in the pool after her lesson. I think that's great bonding time.

ElephantsNeverForgive · 27/10/2014 09:31

YANBU

Doodledot · 27/10/2014 09:34

Where we go there are up to 50 kids having lessons at a time from age 3-7 in different sections of the pool. Loads of parents use the chance to go and have a lap swim in the other pool

specialsubject · 27/10/2014 09:35

the class 'rules' will say if the parents are expected to watch as part of the safety - and I would strongly suspect that this isn't needed, the instructor and assistants have it covered.

land the helicopter and go for a swim. Glad someone is using those expensive facilities!

thanksamillion · 27/10/2014 09:36

Parents can't even watch at the pool where my DCs have lessons. You can sit in the café where they have a TV screen with the pools on but I can never work out which ones are mine Blush.

I'd go and swim if it was a long enough time.

unlucky83 · 27/10/2014 09:43

Has your DS started the lessons yet or had lessons before?
IME DCs perfectly happy swimming with their family can get a bit nervous being 'on their own' in the pool for swimming lessons...
You definitely need to let them settle in first ...and they may be a complete nightmare and you will have to watch every lesson (as reassurance for them) or they might be perfectly happy on their own.
There was a thread on here the other week about a parent withdrawing their DC from lessons - and in fact I stopped a course for my DD1 half way through when she was 4 and she'd had lessons before but with me in the water with her ...I wasn't overly impressed by the instructor - every week she was sobbing by the pool side refusing to get into the water Sad - they could get a scare and the same thing happen and you are not around ...
Older child I'd be more laid back but a 4yo....I'd have to see how it went...(esp my first born Wink)

LittleBairn · 27/10/2014 09:47

I agree with your friend make sure your DD settles into her lessons first before you start going for a swim during lesson time.

Original poster
moodoperator · 27/10/2014 09:54

@unlucky he's had quite a few different swimming experiences inc waterbabies and me taking him every week for a while when he was 2ish. More recently he's been having lessons (since september) and has had one or two wobbles when he's refused to get in the pool - once because we were late and once because the instructor was absent but otherwise he'll just get on with it. We've never forced him in, I just make him sit and watch if he doesn't want to join in. Conveniently for my argument, I think me being there gives him a possible way out whereas if I'm not there, he'll just go with the flow once the class has started and he's got in.

OP posts: