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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think toddlers don't need shoes to go with each outfit

64 replies

kiki0202 · 25/10/2014 16:26

DS has 3 pairs of shoes 1 white adidas trainers 1 pair of smart-ish navy boots and 1 pair of wellys for park/garden/walks. MIL thinks he needs more shoes as the shoes he has don't go with everything she wants to buy him brown boots and blue trainers I said no as I don't see the need for it at all I think 3 pairs is plenty and more than some kids have. She is now totally offended that I've refused her kind offer and saying I'm ungrateful. I just don't see the need for it and don't need yet more shoes to store I did tell her he's growing out of his current clothes size and if she was looking for something to buy he needs everything except shoes to which she told DP that I'm being bossy.

So hit me should I have just said yes to the shoes? I wasn't rude just said he doesn't need anymore shoes she said they don't go with his clothes-yes they do-- I said he's growing out of his clothes so if you want to buy him something you could get him clothes he needs everything. MIL and I usually get along really well I like her but think she's a bit flashy and that's not really me. DP would happily sort it out but I prefer to deal with her myself through the good and the bad she's usually very reasonable.

OP posts:
starlight1234 · 25/10/2014 16:29

no definitely don't need more they can grow out of the shoes in a few months when they are toddlers.

Artandco · 25/10/2014 16:36

They don't need lots no, but mine do have lots. I find I like a few options for the weather and the weather varies greatly depending on seasons or if we are elsewhere in world. Ds is 3, looking now he has

1)Navy leather trainers
2) brown leather boots with sheepskin lined
3) grey canvas shoes
4) crocs
5) sandals
6) Wellington boots
7) snow boots

He has worn all the above regularly the last month accept the snowboots, which he will need soon as it gets colder here and when we are away in snowy climates

HorraceTheOtter · 25/10/2014 16:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BackforGood · 25/10/2014 16:38

No, of course they don't.

skylark2 · 25/10/2014 16:39

Toddlers? Mine had shoes and wellies (sandals in the summer). Multiple sets of shoes for kids is a very new thing (my youngest is a whole 15 years old).

MiniTheMinx · 25/10/2014 16:40

Before the age of five, both of mine had one properly fitted pair of leather shoes. I remember they sometimes had blue, brown or black depending on whether we liked them in the shop. One pair of wellingtons. They grow out of them so quickly, its easier to match their clothes with their shoes!

NotMrsTumble · 25/10/2014 16:40

As toddlers my older 2 dc generally only had one pair of properly fitted shoes (clarks/startrite) & a pair of wellies. Once they were at nursery they also needed slippers or doodles for indoor use. Agree with that toddlers don't need lots of different pairs of shoes. Even now they're older they still don't have lots of different shoes, it's a waste of money given that they'll grow out of them really quickly. So YANBU to say that toddlers don't need shoes to go with every outfit, but YABU to dictate what MIL spends her own money on (however infuriating it is that she may well be wasting her money, it is her money to waste!) In an ideal world MIL would say, "I'd like to buy dgc something, is there anything they need? " but if she didn't, and she's not taking the hint that dgc needs new clothes instead, then there's not a lot you can do.

wooooosualsuspect · 25/10/2014 16:40

I'd let her buy them.

Penfold007 · 25/10/2014 16:42

He's only got two feet and they are growing very fast. Her offer was kind but not helpful. Try to tell her you hate so see her spending a fortune and the shoes only being worn once or twice

Greengrow · 25/10/2014 16:43

Just depends how much money you have and your values. I was 22 when we had our first. Her Wellingtons came from charity shops and she had one pair of home shoes and whatever the school required her to have. Even now when I earn quite a bit the teenagers have one pair of trainers they wear for home shoes and then their school shoes and then if school requires football boots that too and wellingtons. They had to get hiking boots this year for Duke of Edinburgh award hikes which was expensive.
Other people spend a fortune on dressing up their toddlers particularly girl ones because they want that girl to think her worth is her looks and that the only thing that matters is her ability to attract a husband so they push looks to the fore and train her early in being a girl - poor little girls.

FlightOfTheBumblebee · 25/10/2014 16:43

When she asks what size he is, just tell her a size up. Then you've got them for him to grow into and she's not offended.

Just make sure his outfit matches the shoes he is wearing whenever she visits!

rallytog1 · 25/10/2014 16:46

Yanbu although I would have just gratefully accepted them. I think it's a grandparent's perogative to spoil their dgc with stuff they don't necessary need...

SaucyJack · 25/10/2014 16:47

YANBU. He has shoes for every eventuality.

Matchy-matchy shoes are naff anyway.

scrivette · 25/10/2014 16:53

YANBU. I would be tempted to ask for shoes in the next size up too and then he can grown into them, saving you some money in a few months time.

DS ages 3 only has 3 pairs, trainers, canvass shoes and wellingtons.

AlyssThePumpkinQueen · 25/10/2014 16:54

DS aged 2 has 1 pair of sandals, 1 pair of wellies and 2 pairs of shoes. One pair is colourful and the other is plain.

VoyagerII · 25/10/2014 16:54

How daft! Mine over ever had one, max two pairs as toddlers, plus a pair of wellies. Dd has two pairs of trainers atm and i feel bad about the expense as she rarely wears them Since we started getting them crocs they both only want to wear the crocs Hmm so we might as well only buy crocs and wellies!

You have a separate issue here too though which is pushy rellies trying to buy your DC stuff you don't want them to. I've had loads of this too and bloody hate it. I think is so rude to take offence just because you say something's not needed. If the person cared, they'd listen to your suggestions.

3pigsinblanketsandasausagerole · 25/10/2014 16:55

Yanbu

But I wouldn't say no to free shoes

CheerfulYank · 25/10/2014 16:57

Yanbu but I've have let her buy them because why not.

lottiegarbanzo · 25/10/2014 16:58

Two issues here.

Number of shoes. Toddler Dd has one good pair at a time, plus wellies. I think buying more would be a massive waste of money.

Gift etiquette. Accept a gift or don't. You cannot tell someone else how to spend their money. Some people are richer than you, some are spendthrifts and like to buy frivolous gifts. They gain pleasure from this.

If she asked what he needed, great. If not, you take what she offers graciously (unless it's something dangerous or offensive), or, decline and accept losing out in future. She's giving for her own enjoyment, not yours and not to meet your needs.

Tauriel1 · 25/10/2014 17:00

YANBU

Most boys shoes seem to go with more outfits anyway.

My DD has wellies, school shoes, home shoes and boots. Only got the boots as can't wear wellies all day at school.

BikeRunSki · 25/10/2014 17:00

I like the sound of your MiL! I have spent £120 this week on my DC's shoes, just to cover the basics of school shoes, wellies and trainers.

But I like the idea of telling her a size up.

skylark2 · 25/10/2014 17:01

Brown boots would go with more things than blue, and dark coloured trainers won't show the dirt as badly as white (and it's now autumn so there will be much more mud...)

How about "that's a good idea MIL, can I take you up on that next time his feet grow?" Presumably that won't be long - mine seemed to need new shoes every 3 months as toddlers.

VoyagerII · 25/10/2014 17:08

But why should people who want to buy inappropriate presents for their own gratification be indulged? I hate it because it's a huge waste, stupid and depressing. If someone has loads of money and wants to be generous, what's wrong with asking what would be most appreciated and going with that?

At the very least, if someone announces your child needs something they don't and proposes buying it and you say no thanks, being offended is so out of order. It's controlling behaviour IMO - "I'll decide what your child should have, I'll choose and buy it, and if you don't want that, you'll be in the shit for upsetting me."

I don't think people do this to be nice, they do it because they want to be in control and at the centre of things.

I am probably oversensitive though because of years of "generous" controlling shite from my rellies

DonkeysDoRideBroomsticks · 25/10/2014 17:13

MIL has got a bee in her bonnet about this. It was a nice thought but assuming you talked to her tactfully if you honestly feel it's a waste of money I don't see why you should pretend enthusiasm. Of course it's her money but seems a shame if she won't budge and let you or DP suggest an alternative she can buy DS?

Shall stick my neck out -providing they're properly fitted on him I wouldn't say no to a gift of shoes.

Pumpkinification · 25/10/2014 17:14

It's her money. She can spend it as she likes. You don't have to put the shoes on your child, especially if they are not to your taste. My MIL has bought many items for DD that have never been worn or played with as I thought they were vile or unsafe. But I smiled & accepted them as I have learned that she does not hear anything she doesn't like, and sometimes pushing the point is more trouble than it's worth.