dp and I have separate rooms

[calculatorsatdawn]

Dp is moving in in a few weeks time. This isn't a massive leap as he currently lives a couple of streets away and the norm for us for a while has been, weekdays at mine and weekends at his. When he stays at mine he sleeps in the spare room and when he moves in this is how we plan to continue, he will have a bedroom and so will I. We both have quitedemanding jobs and value a good nights kip and the best way of achieving that is separate beds. I told my friend about this and she thinks it's weird (this doesn't bother me, she's been my best friend for 20+years she can express any opinion she likes to me). I know so many people who live together who moan about having having a crappy nights sleep because their partner was snoring or couldn't sleep yet insist on sleeping next to each other. Aibu in not really seeing the point? You've got your eyes shut, the only time you're aware they're there is if they are disturbing you. I also wonder if having sseparate beds is way more common than people think

[theressomethingaboutmarie]

DH and I have sporadically slept in separate rooms since the arrival of DS. He's aged 2 and a terrible sleeper. He inevitably comes in to our room most nights and kicks poor DH out. Also, I'm prone to lingering tickly coughs that could wake the dead so again, poor DH goes to the spare room. We still get it on but not as much as we'd like!

[luvfizz]

We split bedrooms after a bout of late nights and cold inducing snoring and have never migrated back to the one bed. It works for us and I'm in no need to rush back sharing.

[NeedsAGreenCardForFantasyLand]

Here in Germany, we do a king-sized bed with two mattresses and two duvets. No issues of stealing covers or being trampoline-bounced awake when DH (who is 1.93 m and 110 kg; I am 1.54 m and 63 kg) decides to turn over in the middle of the night.

[lisej]

I would love separate rooms and am heartened to see how many of you feel the same. I have never slept well with someone in the same bed, and always sleep much better when my husband falls asleep downstairs on the sofa (which he does fairly regularly). I keep suggesting separate rooms, but he won't have it and sees it as a rejection. I don't see it as that at all - to me, it's nothing to do with sex, and everything to do with sleeping well and being able to relax.

[honeybunny14]

I don't think it's weird but I couldn't imagine me and my dp in separate beds or rooms infact I'm pretty sure I would hate it.

[Standinginline]

Regardless of what happens during the day we always fall asleep at least holding hands, love his warmth and cuddles in the early morning as we're waking up.
But, saying that, he isn't a snorer and doesn't spread out too much. Might be a different story then.

[moanymum]

My friends have made me think we're odd, but we've had separate rooms for years now, and as we've just celebrated our silver wedding it must be working. If we try to sleep in the same bed we are awake all night! Going to have to give it a go for holidays soon as our kids are growing up and we'll be going away ourselves, so hope that works! Up till now holidays have been me and DD, him and DS. So pleased to see this discussion and realise we're more normal than we thought!

[feralgirl]

In the golden era BDC, DH and I regularly slept in separate rooms through choice as he is a big snorey pig and I am a hellishly twitchy insomniac. Now we have no spare room as the DCs are in them and DH and I are stuck with each other, although I frequently end up in with DD as she's a better bed partner than DH and she has a memory foam mattress which is lush.

I introduced DH to the necessity of separate duvets when we first got together but we have two doubles on our bed. I cannot bear sharing duvets; DH likes to have his arms out and I have to be rolled up pig-in-blanket-stylee with just a little breathing hole. DH's propensity for arms out means that the top of his duvet is tucked under his arms and always ends up smelling armpitty

When I win the lottery we will have separate wings in our stately home. We might occasionally meet in a joint chamber with a massive king-sized bed.

[rainbowdance]

We sleep in separate rooms most nights, we tend to watch TV together in our bed for a bit then he goes and sleeps in the spare room (which also has a comfy king size bed) so we can both get a good night's sleep. This happens 90 per cent of the time, occasionally we both sleep together. We have done this for about two years now but went through patches of doing this over the years due to illness and DD needing feeding. Married for nearly 25 years so we don't see a problem at all with it, but must admit don't really discuss it with anyone else as I think they might think it odd I suppose.

[GertrudePerkins]

I would like this. DH likes a wafer-thin duvet and an open window, I like layers on the bed. He likes a rock-hard mattress, I like something a little less unforgiving. He snores, I listen to it.

I idly mentioned my keeness on the idea of separate rooms to him some times ago and he was horrified. Luckily we don't have the room so it will forever remain a moot point.

[hollyisalovelyname]

Six foot bed and two single duvets helps but no earplugs drown out his snores

[McGlashan]

We send about 50% of the year in different bedrooms usually because DH snores like a trooper when he has any sort of a sniffle and then for weeks after. I get a much better nights sleep. The rest of the time we have 2 single duvets on our bed and at least I'm the right temperature. I would love my own bedroom with just all my stuff decorated the way I want.

[mrspremise]

DH works nights, so I get the best of both worlds. 2 nights a week snuggling up together in a shared bed, 5 nights of the bed to myself. I love it

[tattymum76]

Since our baby was born 7 months ago my OH has been sleeping on the sofa. He won't tell me why and refuses to discuss it. I miss him terribly and he doesn't seem to feel the same way I do about missing that closeness and intimacy.

[Summerisle1]

DH is currently recovering from an absolutely enormous operation and he was several weeks in hospital. Now he's home we sleep contentedly in separate rooms (which has been a bit of a secret ambition of mine for years) because his sleep patterns are very erratic. I'm not in any hurry to share a bedroom again, it has to be said. It's positively luxurious to settle down in bed surrounded by cups of tea and books and without anyone hogging the duvet or worse, breathing on you!

Separate rooms are no measure of the strength, or lack of it, of any relationship and I'm willing to bet that it is a far from unusual habit.

[minimalistmum]

I read a blog post about this a while ago...can't remember where but the author said it saved her relationship where everyone else predicted it would be its end.
I think this thing about "sleep together or your marriage and sexlife is doomed" is ridiculous. I'm pretty sure a well-rested couple has more sex than one constantly sleep deprived because somebody is snoring!

I have a small baby who sleeps with us and when the night is particularly restless my husband goes to sleep in the spare room. I'd hate him to move out permanently but that's just a personal preference - if it works for you, go for it!

[WitchWay]

I know a married couple who have lived in separate houses for nearly thirty years.

They stay over with each other once or twice a week. Both busy with demanding high-paid jobs. No children.

Works for them.

I'd love separate bedroom or houses

[Suefla62]

We've done the separate rooms for years. Love it. We have the lark and the owl, the beached whale turn over thing, snoring, window open/closed thing, all going on. We've been married for 45 years do we must be doing something right.

[Orangeena]

Same here....I have gradually been sleeping more and more in the spare room even when dh is quiet as a mouse I often tell him his snoring was so bad last night I had to get up and go to the spare room.I am now down to sleeping in our room together 3 nights a week and am hoping to gradually phase this out until I am permanently in the spare room.Tis slow I grant you but I am getting there !

[BsshBosh]

We do both: share a bed when our sleeping patterns are in synch (ie when I'm not fidgety and insomniac) or sleep in separate rooms (when my sleeping patterns are calmer). I prefer sharing a bed but my sleeping patterns can be disruptive to DH so...

[BsshBosh]

*when my sleeping patterns are not so calm, that should read

[MistressoftheYoniverse]

I like sleeping together...a day or so alone well that's cool get the whole bed to myself duvet etc etc...but sleeping apart would feel like an endless arguement..I like to be with him