dp and I have separate rooms

[calculatorsatdawn]

Dp is moving in in a few weeks time. This isn't a massive leap as he currently lives a couple of streets away and the norm for us for a while has been, weekdays at mine and weekends at his. When he stays at mine he sleeps in the spare room and when he moves in this is how we plan to continue, he will have a bedroom and so will I. We both have quitedemanding jobs and value a good nights kip and the best way of achieving that is separate beds. I told my friend about this and she thinks it's weird (this doesn't bother me, she's been my best friend for 20+years she can express any opinion she likes to me). I know so many people who live together who moan about having having a crappy nights sleep because their partner was snoring or couldn't sleep yet insist on sleeping next to each other. Aibu in not really seeing the point? You've got your eyes shut, the only time you're aware they're there is if they are disturbing you. I also wonder if having sseparate beds is way more common than people think

[OwlWearingSunglasses]

I would totally love separate beds. To be able to turn over without protests about the duvet, to get back in bed after a wee without having to push him back to his own side, to be able to read or use my phone if I can't sleep... bliss.

[WhoKnowsWhereTheSlimeGoes]

Whatever works for you. I like DH within arms reach so I can poke him if he snores, if he's in another bed or room he still disturbs me but I can't do anything about it. We don't disturb each other apart from that though, I can't sleep with even a hint of someone else touching me, let alone cuddled up.

[mumwithanipad]

We have seperate rooms, have done for the 15 years we've been together, it works for us, I've had some funny looks from friends as they seem to equate no shared bed with no sex life. That's what dining room tables are for haha.

For us it just sort of happened and there's not any particular reason, although dh works away a lot so that may have been why we liked sleeping seperatly, it just works and we are both happy. Just because we don't sleep next to each other it doesn't mean we don't love each other or have a less close relationship or don't have sex.

[carabos]

I wouldn't mind separate rooms as DH is a lark and I'm an owl. However, given that he objected when I initiated individual quilts, complaint that it is the slippery slope, I can't see him agreeing to us having our own rooms, even though DS2 is moving out in a fortnight and there will be a spare room .

[Lambzig]

My first thought on reading your title was abject envy.

DH has been snoring all week and I haven't slept past 2.30 am since Sunday. I wish we had a spare room.

It's awful because he is away next week for work and I usually dread that, but am looking forward to getting the bed to myself.

[IamOldGregg]

I have always thought the Scandinavians have this right: a double bed with two single duvets.

[Truelymadlysleepy]

MN is so reassuring.
DH has an horrific snore so separate beds is the only way either of get any sleep. On holiday I always check it will be the biggest bed possible and have loads to drink and wear ear plugs.
I feel a bit sad but the alternative is worse.

[moraf2]

We love sleeping in the same bed. co-slept wit our children for many years. there is something very comforting whit being close.

[MiniTheMinx]

No, I am convinced there are monsters under the bed, just as I have been since I was a child. I was so relieved to grow up and have a mate to share with. I sleep while he keeps watch. I also talk in my sleep and I need someone to take notes and let me know what I have been waffling about in my absence.

Whatever suits you, if it makes yo happy and you are not afraid of monsters that's great

[loopylou9]

Ahhhhh I wish me and DH had separate beds. I love him but I love sleeping on my own too.

[HennaFlare]

Kingsize bed, 2 duvets. I'm warm enough, he's cool enough and we don't yank the blanket around. It's perfect!

[cherrybombxo]

I would love my own room so that the dog and I could get some peace! I am a very troubled sleeper and DP sleeps like a corpse... when he finally gives up on Netflix/FIFA and crawls in at 2am. He is almost a foot taller than me and there are limbs everywhere, he hogs the covers, he chats away to invisible people and he snores. I can't stand to be touched when I sleep never mind cuddled and I actually relish the nights that he accidentally falls asleep on the couch! The pup snuggles up on DP's side of the bed and we sleep soundly. Separate rooms - or Bert and Ernie beds at the very least! - sound divine.

[YouNerrNoothinJonSnerr]

I am AMAZED at how many people have said they have separate beds or even separate rooms. My grandparents always slept in two single beds side by side, but I just assumed that as because they were ancient.

We've had a super-king bed for years and I admit I'd struggle in a standard double for more than a few days at a time, but having separate rooms is drastic.

I've been married for 23 years, I'm a very light sleeper and I do have to knee him in the back when he's snoring, but apart from that I manage fine. We are not all over one another anymore, so I think if I had a different room then any shred of intimacy/desire still remaining would be knocked on the head once and for all.

[MiniTheMinx]

Well the lower classes wanted beds, bit uncomfortable sleeping atop your oak chest. They couldn't afford more than one bed as beds were the most expensive piece of furniture a poorer family would own. The upper classes have slept in separate beds generally. It has only ever been normal for the MC and WC to share beds.

[merlehaggard]

We have had periods of sleeping in separate beds in the last 7 years out of 23. It would be brought on by having babies/young children, working nights etc. I don't think it's a problem. It is literally only to sleep. We currently virtually always sleep in the same bed but it's just circumstances that is dictating that and doesn't make us any closer. We are very happy anyway.

[pointyfangs]

DH and I sleep in separate rooms two nights a week because when we are not working, our sleep schedules are different. I'm an owl, he's a lark. During the week we both have to be up at stupid o'clock so we sleep together, on the weekend we don't. It works fine. We've been married 16+ years.-

[Sallystyle]

We have our own rooms and love it.

He comes into my room and we speak or whatever for a bit, then he goes to sleep in his room.

My own space which I share with no one. He snores horribly and I sleep crappy as it is. It works for us.

[MiniTheMinx]

I am having to read about birth rates in the late C19th and early C20th and the uMC and UC by this time have declining birth rates whereas the WC having discovered beds just a few hundred years previously, still struggling to buy beds (often beds were wedding presents) had lots of fun and high birth rates! so yeah fun. I think the UC liked separate beds/rooms due to the fact that they were more open minded about extra-marital sex. You could I am sure write a book "the social history of beds" !

[bodhranbae]

a double bed with two single duvets

We do this - we have exceedingly different tog requirements.

Frankly a separate bedroom is not enough sometimes - I quite fancy the idea of separate houses with interconnecting doors a la Bonham-Carter and Tim Burton.

[YouNerrNoothinJonSnerr]

Oh I couldn't do the separate duvet thing. It would mess with my sense of aesthetics no end. I wouldn't be able to sleep for worrying about it looking all wrong when i made the bed.

[OraProNobis]

bodhranbae - that's first on my list come the lottery win!

I also have the problem with a lot of my friends - they equate separate bedrooms with a dead marriage. This is so far from the truth! I think it's precisely because of it that we are still married and he is still alive

[cherrybombxo]

bodhranbae I often fantasise about living in the flat across the landing from ours. I could have my flat as clean as a show home and DP could live in his preferred squalor, playing FIFA in his pants as the dog rips stuffing out of the duvet until his little heart is content.

one can dream...