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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Were they being unreasonable? Wedding/honeymoon question

57 replies

StarlingMurmuration · 25/10/2014 08:49

A couple I'm friendly with got married in a massive and expensive ceremony last year - think exclusive country house hired out, rolls royces for the five bridesmaids, horse and carriage for the groom, sit down meal for 100 people then 200 guests for the evening do. It was absolutely lovely, and we and they had a wonderful time. Because they already own a house and had lived together for a while, they asked for money for their honeymoon - a 'trip of a lifetime' - in lieu of gifts. All well and good, and we were happy to contribute.

What seemed a tiny bit off to me was that the honeymoon they wanted wouldn't fit with the time of year they married (think monsoon season) so they postponed it... Again, fine, but in the meantime, they used some of the money for a 'mini-moon', basically a week in Italy. Something about it doesn't sit quite right with me... On one hand, I suppose when you give money, you don't get to say what it is spent on, but on the other, it seemed tacky to have guests pay for two honeymoons. So, WTBU? AIBU?

Name changed, by the way.

OP posts:
Mouthfulofquiz · 25/10/2014 08:51

I just don't get how a week in Italy is a mini-moon!! It's such a ridiculous phrase. Everything to do with weddings has gone on steroids.

MrsWolowitz · 25/10/2014 08:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Charitybelle · 25/10/2014 08:54

Nah, wouldn't bother me as long as they still go on the bigger hol too. Friends of my DH had to do this because they got given so much money that they actually had a lot left over after their honeymoon (3 weeks of luxury in Bali and SE Asia) that they had a week in Sardinia afterwards as well. Just think they're lucky to have so many generous friends and family Smile

Bunbaker · 25/10/2014 08:55

I agree with Mouth as well.

TakingTheStairs · 25/10/2014 08:55

YABU.
Either give the money with good grace or don't give at all. You're right, you don't get to say what the money was spent on.

NoArmaniNoPunani · 25/10/2014 08:55

I don't think they were unreasonable.

LittleBearPad · 25/10/2014 08:58

They didn't ask you to fund two honeymoons did they? They simply used some of the money given for a 'mini-moon' stupid bloody phrase. YABU

Mouthfulofquiz · 25/10/2014 08:58

I just think that the holiday you go on immediately after your wedding IS your honeymoon. A luxury three week thing months later is just a holiday. Stop dragging it out for so bloody long!!

Original poster
StarlingMurmuration · 25/10/2014 09:01

Ok, fair enough, IABU! It was just a bit of a niggle, if you see what I mean. They went on the big holiday this summer, and it did look amazing... And I suppose I wouldn't have thought anything of it if they'd spent the extra on a new washing machine or whatever. Suspect I'm just a tiny bit jealous because both holidays looked amazing and I didn't get to go away this summer (too ill, not because of money issues)!

OP posts:
FunkyBoldRibena · 25/10/2014 09:02

Savvy, cheeky, unreasonable. Not much you can do though is there?

StitchWitch · 25/10/2014 09:02

YABU. As you said, you don't get to say what they spend the money on. If they were given more than they needed for their trip of a lifetime, surely it's better that they spend the surplus on another honeymoon, since that's what it was gifted for? Would you have preferred that they pocketed it?

anyoldname76 · 25/10/2014 09:02

I'm not sure what difference it makes tbh they are still spending the money on a holiday

StitchWitch · 25/10/2014 09:03

Sorry, cross post. I suspect they'd have felt guilty spending IT on things for the house as it was gifted for the honeymoon.

ApocalypseThen · 25/10/2014 09:05

They aren't actually morally nor legally obliged to spend their wedding present money on a specific holiday or any holiday. If they'd decided to put the money into their savings, they would have been perfectly entitled to do so.

Mouthfulofquiz · 25/10/2014 09:06

I think I would have spent it all in the one week in Italy!! No matter how much money you have, you can always spend more in Italy!

Dinopaws1987 · 25/10/2014 09:12

Yabvu
They asked for money to go towards a honeymoon. They went on a mini(honey)moon. If they have enough for 2 trips why not?! If they blow the lot on Italy and pay themselves for the big one why not?!

You sound a bit jealous.

SaucyJack · 25/10/2014 09:27

I do think YABU. They asked for a money to for their honeymoon fund- and that's what it was spent on.

I do totally get your annoyance tho. When you can't even afford a week at Butlins, a week post- wedding in Italy seems more than luxurious enough. But hey ho, some people are winning the game of life.... and some of us aren't.

londonrach · 25/10/2014 10:02

Yabu. Their wedding money their choice. Italy a good honeymoon. I enjoyed my honeymoon there..

makeminered · 25/10/2014 10:05

Yabu

Swingball · 25/10/2014 10:07

Yabu, it's up to them how they spend the money. You can't help it if you feel a bit jealous though.

slanleat · 25/10/2014 10:14

A friend of mine has a saying 'bless and release'.... meaning give it away and then let it go. Whatever happens with something you have given to someone becomes their business not yours.

CaptainAnkles · 25/10/2014 10:20

I've never heard the phrase mini moon before. Isn't it dreadful?
Try to think of it as all one honeymoon but with a break in the middle? You've still contributed to a holiday, just a modified one.

effinandjeffin · 25/10/2014 12:27

YABU about the money, they can spend it as they wish.

But what the fuck is a mini-moon?! That is one of the most ridiculous things I've heard in ages. It's either a honeymoon or it's just a sodding holiday. Agree with other posters that this stringing out of wedding related things has gone bonkers. I also know a couple who had their alleged 'honeymoon'one whole year after their wedding with several (just) holidays in between Hmm

AliceLidaaagggghhhhhl · 25/10/2014 13:09

I don't know with this one OP.

I suppose at least they still used the money for their honeymoon, they just managed to split it for two different trips.

As long as they didn't ask for any more money than they were already given, or demand a set amount from each guest, it seems they've managed to put the money they were given to very good use if they were able to fund two trips with it.

I do understand a little of how you feel though. An ex-colleague of mine asked for money for her second wedding, very specifically from the rest of us at work, as she wanted to use our gift to buy a new kitchen appliance she said she was in need of. She told us the amount she would need from us. We are a small team and it was quite a lot of money, but she had worked with us for a long time and we managed to put the money together. And then we watched her new DH take the money from the card at the reception and head straight for the bar with it.

Okay, it was their money by then, and we thought perhaps being their wedding day they weren't carrying much cash so were using it in the meantime rather than going to the cash machine but still intending to replace it to buy the appliance following the wedding.

Apparently not the case. At her third wedding, about sixteen months later, same colleague asked us for same amount of money to buy same kitchen appliance. She got a card and a bottle of wine.

WyrdByrd · 25/10/2014 13:10

My friend got married 4 years ago & contributions to future honeymoon were requested.

They still haven't had their big trip & I assume the money has gone on other things - they have bought a family home, acquired a puppy and had a baby since.

Tbh until seeing this thread it's not occurred to me to think about it, let alone fret about what it was spent on.