Were they being unreasonable? Wedding/honeymoon question

[StarlingMurmuration]

A couple I'm friendly with got married in a massive and expensive ceremony last year - think exclusive country house hired out, rolls royces for the five bridesmaids, horse and carriage for the groom, sit down meal for 100 people then 200 guests for the evening do. It was absolutely lovely, and we and they had a wonderful time. Because they already own a house and had lived together for a while, they asked for money for their honeymoon - a 'trip of a lifetime' - in lieu of gifts. All well and good, and we were happy to contribute.

What seemed a tiny bit off to me was that the honeymoon they wanted wouldn't fit with the time of year they married (think monsoon season) so they postponed it... Again, fine, but in the meantime, they used some of the money for a 'mini-moon', basically a week in Italy. Something about it doesn't sit quite right with me... On one hand, I suppose when you give money, you don't get to say what it is spent on, but on the other, it seemed tacky to have guests pay for two honeymoons. So, WTBU? AIBU?

Name changed, by the way.

Well I had a week in Norfolk.
And that was our choice because Norfolk is special to us both. We thoroughly enjoyed it.

I think that wedding dresses, receptions, honeymoons have to fir your budget. Yes, I can see people want to splash out on something special and that is reasonable, but it has to be within budget....people are not entitled to 2 weeks in the Caribbean because they have got married.

Just out of interest and nosiness, anyone who asked for money for things such as honeymoons, how much did you get as gifts and how much did you spend on the honeymoon? No intention to judge, but just interested. Obv wouldn't ask in RL.

ChocolateWombat, we didn't really plan how much we expected to get in gifts, because we really didn't know. We just thought however much we did get would be nice to use towards our honeymoon, whatever that ended up being. As it happened... We received about £1,000 (maybe a little more) from our 75ish guests, plus a very generous gift from my grandma.

A few people did also buy presents instead, photo frames and stuff, which was lovely.

I know some people think it's tacky to ask for money, but the reason we did it was because we'd already been living together 18 months, so didn't need any house stuff, and I didn't want to go through the hell of a gift list. My friend had a gift list for her wedding and the cheapest thing on it was a fork for a fiver. I had to really struggle to find something on it that I could afford and that didn't look shit.

The money ended up being used towards our car than our honeymoon. Which, in the end, has been a hell of a lot more practical, so I'm sure nobody would mind.

The word mini moon is totally acceptable, we had one. A night in a lovely Cotswolds hotel because DH had to be back at work on the Monday (he managed to push that to Tuesday) We paid for it ourselves though, as we did the week in Madeira two months later, which we called a medium-moon, since as lovely as it was it wasn't quite the 'trip of a lifetime' we'd dreamed of. Does that mean we still haven't had a honeymoon?

No Thursday it means you're being ridiculous. Mini-moon is an absurd phrase and medium-moon is equally stupid.

Wouldn't bother me at all as when I give money as a gift it is for whatever they want to spend it on. Thank god I no longer have to trawl round shop after shop looking for that special present that they might hate, not want or never use.

I had a week in Italy as my actual honeymoon. Had a fabulous time.

A week isn't a "mini" anything is it.

I'd feel a bit about it too op.

Yabu. We got married 9 years ago and had 2 wedding receptions, one here, and one half way across the world because one of us was from there.

Due to work commitments etc, we went away for a week after the wedding and then had a bigger honeymoon after the 2nd reception. Whatever money was given was given without it being specified for anything...!