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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to only work 4 days?

69 replies

BobPatandIgglePiggle · 25/10/2014 08:17

I went back to work when ds was 7 months as we couldn't afford longer.

He's 2.9 now and I still 'only' work 4 days. I'm a teacher so it's actually 4 really long days plus evenings prepping etc.

I have an hour commute (2 days withh ds on public transport) and am
out 7.20 - after 6 those 4 days.

I love being off one day with ds and sacrifice things to have it (nothing major but I spend very little on myself really)

Dp seems to be starting to resent my day off though now that ds is "getting older" and has made a few comments recently about my 'easy day'

I really don't want to work five days, I miss ds and look forward to our day.

Aibu though - it's hard to tell really.

OP posts:
EATmum · 25/10/2014 08:21

It's a lovely thing for you and your son if the financial sacrifice makes sense. I worked 4 days until my youngest was at school - and then worked full time but with one day from home and only during school hours. Like you I value that above most things and love that my employer is so flexible.

MsVestibule · 25/10/2014 08:22

From my perspective, YANBU. Will increasing your wage by 20% make a big difference to your income/lifestyle? Does your DH not think spending the day with your son have much value, or does he think that weekends are enough?

Littleturkish · 25/10/2014 08:22

Not at all. You can't get those days back. Keep it!

Allegrogirl · 25/10/2014 08:24

YANBU at all. It's good for your DS to have a day when you're not rushing out the door and you can do things together. It's really useful to have a week day free for any appointments that he may need. When he starts school you can do the school run one day a week and get see his teachers and friends in the playground.

Would your DH be willing to take annual leave to run errands/take your DS to appointments etc if you were at work?

FunkyBoldRibena · 25/10/2014 08:24

We can't comment on this alone, what are his hours, what share of housework etc is done, how many 'leisure' hours do you both get etc.

I'd personally sit down and tell him that he seems to be taking issue with your day with your son which is your favourite day of the week and he is making this into an issue. Go through the split of 'stuff' and if he genuinely works more in work and in the house then perhaps he may have a point. If not then tell him to stop making the sarky comments about your 4 day job as you make up the 'work' in other ways.

starlight1234 · 25/10/2014 08:24

Honestly time before they start school flies enjoy it ..

3pigsinblanketsandasausagerole · 25/10/2014 08:26

Yanbu

I worked four days before my older children went to school, now we have dc3 I work 3

DaisyFlowerChain · 25/10/2014 08:27

Perhaps he'd only like to work four days too and have the extra time with DS. It's not just mums who miss their children.

Or it could be he resents picking up the financial slack or working more but without knowing what you each do its hard to say.

WidowWadman · 25/10/2014 08:28

What if he'd like to decrease his hours and only work 4 days? I can understand resentment building up if he's expected to work full time whilst for you it remains a choice

Charitybelle · 25/10/2014 08:28

What would you do for childcare if you did start working that extra day? Could you work out how much it would cost, then present DH with the amount you would have leftover after childcare/tax/commuting costs? I suspect it wouldn't be a significant amount?

I think you should sit down and talk this all through with him if he is getting resentful. It's not nice to have one partner brewing resentment over your working arrangements. But.... it does sound like he's just a bit jealous of your day off (which is not really a day off if you're then looking after a 2 year old all day IMO). Perhaps if you talk it all through he will see that there is very little benefit to you going back that extra day whilst your son is so young. Maybe agree to review it when he goes to school/preschool?

Original poster
BobPatandIgglePiggle · 25/10/2014 08:29

If I did the extra day ds would have to go to nursery for an extra long day (currently does 2 days 8-5.30 at nursery which he loves but is tiring for him) which we'd have to pay for.

Tbh I'm knackered, ds is knackered and it's nice not to have to drag him out of the house in the dark for an extra day.

OP posts:
LadyLuck10 · 25/10/2014 08:30

What is his situation? How many days does he work? Maybe he wants to work four days as well? It should be a fair split.

BlinkAndMiss · 25/10/2014 08:35

I'm in your position exactly - same job, 4 days, 2 year old. YADDDDDDNBU! I'd do anything to keep my one day off with DS and that's what I plan to do. Teaching is hard, with an extra day it generates more planning, more marking and more dealing with whatever crops up that day - ie. More to do at home during the week alongside the out of the house hours.

Once those years with your DS are over you can't get them back. Spend the day doing nice things with him and forget about the comments made by your DH. Mine doesn't understand either, he thinks I should be bringing in more money and that he's ok working 5 days so I should be. I spend very little on myself and watch every penny, the difference between my full salary and 80% makes me feel sick some days but nothing is worth sacrificing my day with my DS.

Don't be pressured into it!

Original poster
BobPatandIgglePiggle · 25/10/2014 08:36

He'd never drop a day so that's not it.

I probably do 85% of the housework. It's a niggle over that which has set this off. A couple of times I've asked him to do something on a Thursday (put pillow cases on last week and take rubbish out this week) which he's moaned about because apparently that's what my day off is for.

OP posts:
Jennifersrabbit · 25/10/2014 08:37

Firstly I think you're not being at all unreasonable to want to work four days a week. Why on earth would you be? Your DS is very little still and I would think a day a week together is of great benefit to you both.

I doubt a day in sole charge of a rising 3 is an 'easy day' though I suppose it depends what your DH does - if he mud wrestles rhinoceros for a living maybe Grin

Think you need to have a grown up conversation not allow DHs random grumpiness to keep you feeling guilty. So firstly, has he actually got a problem with you doing four days? If so, the two legitimate points I could see are:

  1. He thinks you can't afford it. Can't tell you that without seeing your budget but is the extra income from another day going to be huge once you've paid childcare, transport, etc?
  1. He would like more time with DS (which I don't think automatically = leisure time!) himself. In which case, would he like to drop a day? Can you finance that? Would he like to have DS to himself for part of the weekend?
Christelle2207 · 25/10/2014 08:39

Yanbu! I work 4 days and have a toddler people (not dh thankfully) keep asking me when I'm going back to 5, I am keen to stay at 4 indefinitely tbh! Don't see anything wrong with this if you can afford it -any chance your do is just jealous?

Original poster
BobPatandIgglePiggle · 25/10/2014 08:40

Yesterday ds was at the dentist in the morning, we met friends he hardly ever gets to see at lunch then he wasat the doctor in the afternoon.

He'd expect one of our mums (who have ds one day each) to take him for doctor / dentist appointments

OP posts:
Sallycinnamum · 25/10/2014 08:40

I work 3 days in the office at the moment and I'm increasing it to 4 days soon but that day will be working from home.

I never intend to work full time again - even when my youngest starts school next year.

On a Friday I get to do all the things I don't have time for in the week so I have the weekends free to be with the DC and DH.

Work have asked me if I'd ever go full time and I've said categorically no. Mind you, most of my salary gets eaten up by childcare costs do even if I did work the Friday I wouldn't actually see the cash in real terms.

Christelle2207 · 25/10/2014 08:41

Btw his attitude to housework is very U. Yes perhaps you can get a bit done on your day off but that is different to the little things that need to be done during the week.

hiccupgirl · 25/10/2014 08:42

If you can afford it I would stick at 4 days especially as teaching days are long days and teaching full time takes a lot out of you emotionally which is then less for your DS and DH.

I worked 3 days a week with DS until he went to school this September. We had 2 days at home together and I am so glad that we did. Now he's at school I see him much less and it was lovely having those days to spend with him and give him my input and just be a mum all day.

But is your DH commenting because of the money or because he wants to have more time with your DS too? I know my DH was happy for me to be at home 2 days with our DS but did find continuing to work 5 days a week hard going sometimes.

ShadowKat · 25/10/2014 08:42

Provided the finances work out, YANBU.

If your DP is resentful of you getting an extra day off work, has he looked into whether he could do flexible working as well? Your DS is still young enough for him to have the right to apply for this (although of course there's no guarantee his request would be granted). When DS2 was born, DH managed to negotiate a compressed working week with his employer - DH gets one day a week off, and works 5 days worth of hours in the remaining 4 days, which has worked out well for us and given him more time with the DC.

sleepdodger · 25/10/2014 08:42

I work 5 days
I'd live to work 4
The career position rather than cash makes it untenable
In your position unless you need ft wage ie you're not financially managing now, then keep that sacred time
I wish is done things differently

Original poster
BobPatandIgglePiggle · 25/10/2014 08:42

I need to work it out but after extra childcare, travel, tax, pension, NI etc Iddon't think we'd be much better off tbh.

OP posts:
YackityYackYack · 25/10/2014 08:45

Is it just about the 4 days or is he being an arse because you're about to have half term break? Bit of a coincidence, really.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 25/10/2014 08:45

He's moaning about putting on pillowcases and taking rubbish out on Thursdays?

Stick to your 4 days and enjoy that Friday, don't be browbeaten into giving it up.

I would love to do 4 days and mine are all teens.