to only work 4 days?

[BobPatandIgglePiggle]

I went back to work when ds was 7 months as we couldn't afford longer.

He's 2.9 now and I still 'only' work 4 days. I'm a teacher so it's actually 4 really long days plus evenings prepping etc.

I have an hour commute (2 days withh ds on public transport) and am
out 7.20 - after 6 those 4 days.

I love being off one day with ds and sacrifice things to have it (nothing major but I spend very little on myself really)

Dp seems to be starting to resent my day off though now that ds is "getting older" and has made a few comments recently about my 'easy day'

I really don't want to work five days, I miss ds and look forward to our day.

Aibu though - it's hard to tell really.

Yanbu. I don't understand why people always feel the need to justify not wanting to work full time. If you can afford not to and don't want to then it's fine :) if your dp is jealous he needs to look into reducing his hours as well or you both need to work together to find a way to allow you both to work part time.

I stopped working full time at 29. I would never return to work full time again unless finances absolutely demanded it and i'm not at all rich. I just enjoy being at home too much to want to work 5 days a week.

I went from full time (37.5) to 30hrs when my son was born. I work 3 long days.
I am the bigger earner in the family.
My son is now 13, but I still work 30hrs. While full time would give about £8,000 (before tax), I really value the time to supervise homework and just be there if he wants to talk.
Looking at your latest post it seems the issue is division of labour.
I think you should map out your working hours (including evening prep/marking time) versus his. Then map out all the housework and who does what.
Then show him how much more he would have to do if you went full time, as he would then need to do 50%, rather than his current 15%.
I suspect that might stop the comments!!

I am also a teacher (Assistant Head, Primary) and I work 4 days. Changed my contract after my 2nd maternity leave. My dh works freelance from home so has dd one day, then it's Nursery for 3 days (she's nearly 4). Ds is at school.

I love my 1 day at home with dd. I would only change it if it was absolutely necessary on a financial front. But I never refer to it as my "day off". I don't get one of those.

However, on my day at home I do make sure I catch up with things that benefit us all (housework, washing, gardening, admin etc). That way, we can spend more free time as a family over the weekend. DH on his day with dd still gets a bit of work done but covers the swimming classes for both, anything like dentist appointments etc. He also does the vast majority of school and nursery drop offs and pick ups.

I would strongly advise you not to change your contract back to full time. It will be very difficult to change back again. But maybe look at ways that your day at home can benefit all of you including your dh on a practical level. And make sure that it is very clear that this is not a "day off" - its a work in the home day just like any parent who works in the home through the week.

It might be a good idea to give your DH the facts. Total up the cost of an extra day nursery, travel and the cleaner you might need to employ to cover what you do on your day at home. Then compare what you would get for working that extra day minus tax, NI, pension contributions. I suspect you might be about 10-20 quid up.

I still do 36 hours at work over those 4 days - I'm shattered! 3 days last week we had to wake ds (who is usually an early riser) because he's still been tired - I hate that and want him to have that one weekday care free.

Fairy, I think people do need to justify not working full time if their partner or taxpayers has to pick up the financial burden. The parter has to be on board and happy to work the extra hours. Many don't appear to get a choice, lots of women simply present it as a done deal.

If that's all you're asking him to do he really needs to get a grip.

I have a 10yo and work 24 hrs a week over 4 days term time, plus a day a week in the holidays. DH works 37+ hours a week term time but has longer hols where he doesn't work at all (I'm with Surestart, he's at a private school).

During term time on working days, we both do what needs doing at home. He does expect me to pick up any slack on my day off, but if everything is under control he doesn't comment on what I do on 'my' day.

I've sometimes felt that he resents my hours, but when I suggested doing an extra long day each week he was horrified.

Just seen the update about the housework.

While I agree in principle that the partner who spends less time at work should do more of the housework, his attitude to your requests sounds terrible. I can't imagine it taking more than 5 minutes to do a tiny thing like putting out rubbish or putting on pillowcases.

Also, regarding the doctors appointments - are grandparents allowed to take grandchildren to doctor appointments (emergencies aside)? I thought that it had to be a parent or guardian because anyone else wouldn't have the parental responsibility needed to agree to any necessary treatment?

How would you actually increase your time to five days anyway? Aren't timetables already set? Or are you talking about next September?

You work 36 hours a week and do 85% of the housework. Tot that up in hours and don't forget anything child related and show him that he is being unreasonable. You are not an automaton. You can't do it all.

ie he does 1 day extra and gets only 15% of the housework. So - you are effectively doing 70% of all the housework on your one day 'off'. How does that work exactly?

Fino - I do do extra stuff at home on my day. Yesterday I hoovered, mopped, changed the beds, cleaned the bathroom whilst ds was in the bath, took ds to the dentist, took him for lunch with friends (admittedly this was nice for me too!)

Ds and I made cupcakes, I did 2 loads of washing, took ds to the doctors, made tea, folded washing then did bedtime as dp went out straight from work.

Incidentally, in my workplace, a full working week is 37.5 hrs, so 36 hrs over 4 days a week doesn't sound much different to a full time job as far as I'm concerned.

YANBU one tiny bit

I'm on mat leave with DC2 at the moment. When I went back after DD I did one day one night every 8 days. I'll do exactly the same when back after DS. DD will be 2.10 and DS 13 months.

IME days with kids are not easy days! Has he tried entertaining a toddler all day?!

I work 4 days and can only afford to work if its just 4 days. If I worked 5 days my childcare bill would increase by 360 monthly. So definitely not worth it in my opinion.
Our wkends are more enjoyable & relaxed because I am not condensing everything into days.

He does 8-5 x 5 days with a half hour drive to work.

He does drop off and pick up one day
I do drop off and pick up 1 day
Days 3 and 4 I take ds on my 1 hour commute via public transport. Dp picks us both up those days.

Tbh neither of us has it easy and we both work hard.

Yanbu at all.

I work four days and have teenagers. DH doesn't care. Some days I clean the house, some days I go to the movies. Some days I do very little.

It's one day. I know I'm fortunate to have it. Why would he resent it? I wouldn't resent it if it was the other way around.

Sounds like a very unreasonable split if you're doing 85% of the housework.

I don't blame you for wanting to work p/t while your children are pre school age, and childcare costs are so high anyway. However, this is always something that needs to be agreed as a partnership... There is no logical reason to suppose dads dont miss their children and want more time at home as much as mums. In your case though, it seems your DH isn't keen to reduce hours so he seems to he resentful for some other unspoken reason which is his issue really

Just a word of caution: although many people could probably afford to work just 3 or 4 days in terms of day to day living costs (particularly if a partner is working f/t) don't underestimate the long term impact. I worked 3 days a week while my children were pre schoolers (teacher here too) and it's knocked a considerable chunk off my pension. Fortunately I managed to step back up to f/t the term my youngest started reception class, (my dc all in their 20s now) so I've had a lot of years to build up my pension to a healthy level. Quite a number of colleagues though have remained on p/t ever since having children and are quite shocked at how it's reduced their pension.

Not suggesting this fact should change your mind now, Because tbh you sound very hard working and that the balance is what you and your ds need right now. But bear it in mind. It's so easy to just look at day to day living costs, and forget that one day in your 50s or 60s you may well want the security of a pension to either not work at all, or do vastly reduced hours

Pretty much spot on there Chund. We're in the north paying £50 childcare a day. Not much profit and we'd have to get a cleaner or I'd be dead!

Your DS isn't yet older in a way that makes the day with him a luxury, though. That comes when he goes to school.

He'll be at school full time in a year and a bit. What are your plans for then? Maybe all your DP means is that you should be thinking about going back full time when being at home all day wouldn't be with your DS anyway. You and he must be aware that there's significant lag time for a teacher to increase their hours, it's not like an office job, there have to be classes for them to teach.

Housework - I'm not one to say the SAHP has to do it all, but I think it's a bit mean to ask someone to do jobs which don't need doing right now in the evening before you have the day off.

Would not using public transport make your day significantly shorter? If so, it might be worth considering, even if that means learning to drive / getting a second car / your DP using a different transport method. May not be practical, but worth considering.

I loved working 4 days when the kids were at home. I continued to work school hours afterwards to avoid after school childcare costs. But I'd have considered it taking the piss to have a whole day off every week while DH worked full time.

Linesthat - I do think about my pension and will readdress my working hours once ds is at school.

However I work in a different city to the one we live in so if I go back full time (I'm in FE, I'd have to wait for the hours to come up and apply) I'd never be ablento take ds to school or pick him up :-(

YANBU. Sounds pretty ft already. You need a day to decompress.

I only work 3 days a week and it's bliss. Not to say my 2 days a week with ds are a holiday far from it. Ds had various hospital appointments and it was so much easier than trying to cancel work. Dh works ft but his job is more local. He also does 50:50 house work.

A point of note: your mum and mil don't have pr and should not be taking your ds to medical appointments. In practice, it would probably be Ok, but the hcp had the right to refuse to see your dc. Maybe tell your dh that.

Stand your ground op. I have always worked 4 days (not teaching but a very stressful overstretched profession) and sometimes I've done extra on day 5. As it happens now the work load has exploded and for the past few months the 5th day is the only way I survive to do all the admin etc( and the full timers have dropped to similar to me). When the kids were small it meant weekends were family time not work time ..

Unless you absolutely need FT wage don't do it. That day is likely to enable you to stay in teaching without collapsing under the stress. Actually I'd go as far as suggesting you do something else paid instead of another teaching day . I can't believe how different if feels if I take work in my 5th day - because it's cover work I choose to do or similar. You could do supply teaching or better still independent tutoring - 2-3hrs after school on your day off and 2-3hrs on a Saturday or Sunday would, I bet bring in the same income, but have no child care costs and you'd be in control.

YANBU. Moaning because you ask him to do a job that takes 5 mins max! I work 3dpw and have two DC at school. On days off I do supermarket and cleaning and sometimes eg meet friend for lunch or occasionally have day out with DM. DH still does some housework occasionally.

Before DCs were at school, I did almost no housework though did do supermarket and washing on days off and scheduled in DC appointments etc those days. My theory was that those days were for spending with DCs - would have worked FT if no DC. DH never complained (he realised that spending days with DC was not an easy option) and did more than 50% of the housework.

Your DH needs to realise how lucky he is!