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AIBU?

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Original poster

To feel this is really odd?

74 replies

Sunbury1986 · 23/10/2014 14:31

I've pondered this for a couple of days now. Basically I sent a birthday card to a female friend I've known for around 15 years. We met through the kids being at school and obviously spent a few years a lot closer when the kids where growing up and we all got together in the hols. As time passes, kids grown up and went to different schools we still had a reasonable friendship but time is tight and over the past say 3-4 years we've drifted to a point where we've certainly not fallen out but have perhaps grown apart and have different lives. Nothing bad these things happen. Still exchange cards with kids birthdays, christmas etc. And so to the card I sent this weekend. I also dropped a very quick text, " hi happy birthday have a lovely day be good to catch up soon". I got back a rambling text saying thanks for the "snail mail" card and basically a massive slagging off for being "ungoogleable", and out of touch with reality because "no one knows anything about you because you don't do facebook". It shocked me to be fair. I've not responded because I don't know what to say and also it kind of made a few things drop into place. Am I weird living a real life and not sharing enough online?

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QueenofallIsee · 23/10/2014 14:34

Nope, not weird at all! It is hardly compulsory for a friendship that you have facebook! She sounds like a knob

Misknit · 23/10/2014 14:36

She's a weirdo. The fact that you remembered to send a birthday card without a Facebook reminder means you were likely to have been a better friend than most of her online acquaintances.

Troublesometrucker · 23/10/2014 14:36

Do you think she could have meant it to be read in jest perhaps?

MissMillament · 23/10/2014 14:39

She is the weirdo. So easy to post Happy Birthday on FB. So much more thoughtful to actually go buy a real card, write it and put it in the post - I haven't had one of those for YEARS. Ditch her and save your lovely snail mail bday cards for those who appreciate them.

travelswithtea · 23/10/2014 14:42

Yes. I was wondering the same as troublesome.
FWIW I think it is quite impressive that you are ungoogleable. Keep it up! I'd love to be able to rewind my online life, and I only joined FB when I turned 30, in 2007, so there can't be that much. God knows what it must be like when you've spent your whole life on it. Hmm

TiggerLillies · 23/10/2014 14:43

I don't think it is weird, and I'm a facebook addict!
It is annoying (prob unresonably?) when people expect me to keep them updated on things individually when it is all there on facebook. I haven't got time to call around a load of people to tell them everything going on. In which case I am happy to accept the nature of the relationship to occasional texts and phone calls - which is what your friend needs to do. You should probably accept though that she might have friends who are easier to keep in touch with through facebook leaving her with not so much time or inclination to use snail mail.
Maybe she just misses you (giving her the benefit of the doubt), you could offer a specific time to meet up rather than a 'lets catch up soon' (which not everyone actually means iykwim). Seems a shame to lose a long term friendship over...

TiggerLillies · 23/10/2014 14:45

FWIW: I'd much much rather get cards through the mail than happy birthdays on facebook - it requires much more thought and effort. You sound like a lovely friend!

RainbowRabbit33 · 23/10/2014 14:48

No! you're not weird at all. If you google my name you will get no results. I do use FB a bit, but have the privacy settings high. The text from your friend is over the top and uncalled for.

However... For some of those that have a heavier online presence it is a way of life and they can't understand those who prefer more traditional means of communication. They are content that reading your posts on social media keeps them up to date with you, in some cases replacing the odd coffee and catch up or text. Your lack of use is as alien to them as their use of it is to you. Neither is wrong, just different. Some 'techies' will see you as living life in the slow lane, with interaction forced on you when it is convenient to others, just as you may see their way of doing things as impersonal.

I obviously don't know what's going on with your friend, you mention that this makes a few things slot into place, suggesting a bit more of a backstory. I just wondered if it could be a very poorly worded text and a different approach to keeping in touch with people.

Fwiw, I think she's bonkers if she prefers FB to real conversation, but that's just me! Although I do have the benefit of being on mat leave ATM with a lot more time on my hands to meet people for coffee and still get the chores done!

Original poster
Sunbury1986 · 23/10/2014 14:48

Troublesome, not in jest trust me I won't bother with the nasty bits of the text but humour was not part of the text!
Travelswithtea, thanks! I've bizarrely now "googled" myself and feelings of egocentricity aside other than a couple of charity sponsored events I've done and a link to my name via my work website plus a couple of company directorship links I've held she's right, there's not much online about me. What should there be though????

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RainbowRabbit33 · 23/10/2014 14:49

Ahem, what Tiger said. She said it much better!

BettyFocker · 23/10/2014 14:56

She sounds like an ungrateful cow. I would reply, "I'm sorry I don't conduct my life on Facebook. You have my number if you wish to know what's going on in my life. I'm sorry you're not grateful for your card or for the fact that I managed to remember your birthday without a Facebook reminder so fuck off"

Troublesometrucker · 23/10/2014 15:02

If she sent nasty things as part of her text then yes, utterly bizarre, incredulously so!

The only way I could rationalise someone appearing to have a problem with it was if they had done it in jest...

I just can't add up what other situation can happen that can actually leave someone upset they cannot google you!

Well... I'm slightly miffed that I've never found an old childhood friend on fb, we had a massive falling out at school, and she's likely blocked me if she is on fb and found me first, but I was hoping we might find each other as adults and be able to move on. I've looked for her several times over the years. If I did ever find her, I guess I might tell her I'm cross about her lack of googleness...but certainly not as a response to her sending me a nice card...

very very odd!

PrettyLittleMitty · 23/10/2014 15:03

Nicely said Betty Grin

Original poster
Sunbury1986 · 23/10/2014 15:04

Bettyfocker, ha love it. I very nearly did respond with similar but it felt like that showed I was offended when I'm not at all. I suppose it has been a conversation she's had with others about me as I know over the years when we've been at social gatherings I'm definitely out of the loop so to speak with all the gushing conversations about whose seen what on FB etc etc. they just amuse me as "they" think it's a special club when frankly I think there is nothing nicer in catching up with someone after a time apart and having news to share not simply regurgitate the stuff you have already been force fed online. I'm thinking of setting up a group of "ungoogleables"

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Original poster
Sunbury1986 · 23/10/2014 15:09

I must add I've cleaned my oven whilst sharing this thread with you and wonder if I ought to be posting this -tedious- should be shared online?Grin

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Original poster
Sunbury1986 · 23/10/2014 15:10

*-tedious- information

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Troublesometrucker · 23/10/2014 15:12

Sorry Sunbury, I need more...

What did you use, and before and after photos please? at a minimum.

Of course a selfie of you with the offending oven would be more appropriate.

HonoraryOctonaut · 23/10/2014 15:16

I just cleaned my oven too! That definitely means we should now be Facebook friends and share every detail of our lives!!

To feel this is really odd?
Corestrategy · 23/10/2014 15:17

Maybe she was using your lack of Facebook as an excuse for not being in touch with you. I have no idea why she should want to be nasty though.

Stealthpolarbear · 23/10/2014 15:19

How will your children know you love them if you don't mention it on Facebook though?

Troublesometrucker · 23/10/2014 15:19

I'm loving the oven picture! that has made my day to see inside your oven! I'm getting a new oven, it's arriving on Sunday. I'd be reported to environmental health if anyone saw the state of my current oven gave up cleaning it when it fell apart about 2 years ago!

Original poster
Sunbury1986 · 23/10/2014 15:20

Troublssometrucker well .....Steam cleaner all the way as I did a mega clean in summer, however I'm actually so proud of its shininess this is the -sad- rock and roll kind of thing I would post if I was that way inclined. Thanks for all the normalness of responses. Think it's fair to say that particular friendship has now run its course so she won't be hassled by my antiquated way of life any more! I find just being on this site, which I do very rarely, exhausting so uploading my very normal / boring/ happily average life up online would see me needing to go part time I think Wink
P.s. If she does mumsnet she is so going to know who I am...oops

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fluffyraggies · 23/10/2014 15:24

I'm ungooglable! I just tried and i have zero online presence. Kindof like it that way.

As for your 'friend' OP, i'd give her a wide berth for a while. No friend rants like that at another. My friends are always on my back about joining face book, and they mean it, but it's all done nicely.

Original poster
Sunbury1986 · 23/10/2014 15:26

Stealthpolarbear OMG there was me thinking keeping my oven clean and providing home cooked meals, love and a good education meant my children knew they were loved. how wrong I've been, must set up Facebook account and let them know Wink in case "being a real parent" didn't get the message across?

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MrsCurrent · 23/10/2014 15:27

Sounds like she's invested far too much time being concerned about not knowing the minutiae of your life that she thinks she has a right to be annoyed about it! Time to cut that friendship off I would say, she's clearly rather odd (and I am a facebooker)!

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