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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel this is really odd?

74 replies

Sunbury1986 · 23/10/2014 14:31

I've pondered this for a couple of days now. Basically I sent a birthday card to a female friend I've known for around 15 years. We met through the kids being at school and obviously spent a few years a lot closer when the kids where growing up and we all got together in the hols. As time passes, kids grown up and went to different schools we still had a reasonable friendship but time is tight and over the past say 3-4 years we've drifted to a point where we've certainly not fallen out but have perhaps grown apart and have different lives. Nothing bad these things happen. Still exchange cards with kids birthdays, christmas etc. And so to the card I sent this weekend. I also dropped a very quick text, " hi happy birthday have a lovely day be good to catch up soon". I got back a rambling text saying thanks for the "snail mail" card and basically a massive slagging off for being "ungoogleable", and out of touch with reality because "no one knows anything about you because you don't do facebook". It shocked me to be fair. I've not responded because I don't know what to say and also it kind of made a few things drop into place. Am I weird living a real life and not sharing enough online?

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Original poster
Sunbury1986 · 23/10/2014 15:29

Google must be a flutter with people googling themselves....the worst bit was it linked to loads of what appear to be really interesting geaneolgy links about my married name....I'm now wasting time so I'm as bad! I've genuinely never thought to google myself. Sycophantic and narcissistic is how I feel?....but I have a clean oven so time for a smug Brew

OP posts:
secretsquirrels · 23/10/2014 15:32

It must be clean your oven day today as I did mine. not properly

BalloonSlayer · 23/10/2014 15:34

ha ha I have just googled myself and it came up with a facebook page for someone with the same [unusual] name as me with the most wanky photos and slogan . . . you can't see her face in the pictures and people could well think it's me. Grin I am on FB though, although very privately and with no pictures.

Troublesometrucker · 23/10/2014 15:34

Super! I'm out of the oven cleaning loop but having the kids since I stopped cleaning the oven, I want to use the least toxic chemicals for cleaning the new one when it arrives - you have solved this puzzle for me. My steam cleaner is the solution.

And just think if you were on FB you could share this insight with so many unknowledgeable folk. You really are denying the world a service.

BreconBeBuggered · 23/10/2014 15:38

My oven is filthy but I can't find myself by Googling my real name.

I'm wallowing in guilt now as this thread has reminded me that I forgot to send any kind of birthday greeting to an online friend who I've become close to in real life. I am a worm.

Original poster
Sunbury1986 · 23/10/2014 15:43

Troublesometrucker you are welcome. TBH I steam clean pretty much everything it saves a fortune and if you keep on top of things products aren't really needed? Obvs my friends are busy out living it up to maintain an exciting online profile, me I'm just very happy knowing I'm something of an -annoying- mystery to people. It must be exhausting these days having to constantly be doing interesting things just so you look good online. Well done to the online oven clean sharing Wink

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HonoraryOctonaut · 23/10/2014 15:43

The worst thing is, I didn't even take these photos specifically for this thread. I took them earlier as I was chuffed with myself and wanted to keep gazing at my clean oven BlushBlush

To feel this is really odd?
To feel this is really odd?
Original poster
Sunbury1986 · 23/10/2014 15:47

honorary octonaut....brilliant love it. See how many likes you get on FB Wink

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ADishBestEatenCold · 23/10/2014 16:03

One's meant to clean one's oven?

I am sure when I bought the stove it said the oven was self-cleaning.

LemonadeRayGun · 23/10/2014 16:14

Are you sure it wasn't meant as a joke? I have a friend who doesn't use facebook and I am always teasing him for being left out of everything because he isn't on there. I'm often known to start an email to him with "perhaps if you were on facebook you would know about the following..." He knows it is a joke and I do it to wind him up.

It is a bit frustrating when there is a good friend who isn't on Facebook as it is the easiest way to keep in contact. A lot of my friends hsve an account simply so they can be included in social plans etc, but don't really use it for anything else.

Troublesometrucker · 23/10/2014 16:15

That's a beautifully clean oven. I'd be ticking the like button btw.

You do get self cleaning ovens nowadays. It was hard to buy one which wasn't self cleaning when I was buying one this week but I don't like how toxic the self cleaning ones can be so actually went out of my way to avoid them. I'm an ecobum

Stealthpolarbear · 23/10/2014 16:22

Glad to hear it. IMO not sharing "this if you really wuv your babies" should be a social services red flag

RandomFriend · 23/10/2014 16:26

OP you are really nice to send real birthday cards.

HonoraryOctonaut and OP and others, how do you steam clean an oven? Is there a gadget for steam cleaning?

popcornpaws · 23/10/2014 16:56

Maybe she's annoyed because not all of her 999 friends on Facebook wished her a happy birthday, or maybe she hasn't got any photo opportunity parties to post later that day?

Itsfab · 23/10/2014 17:10

I have a school friend I would really love to be in touch with and she isn't on FB. I aren't either now and I also tried Friends Reunited. I have googled her too but nothing. I really hope she isn't dead Sad.

I managed to get two addresses for someone with the same name and one emailed back saying not her and the other sounded really panicky that I had "found" her Sad. I hopefully reassured her I hadn't done any bad stalking stuff and I have no clue if she was my friend and didn't want to be found or someone else who was wary.

I haven't dared look since as I would hate to upset anyone. I hope she is okay though as she wasn't when we were last in touch.

BolshierAyraStark · 23/10/2014 17:29

YANBU, at all.

Baffles me why the fuck people feel the need to post every single aspect of life on-line & also to think anyone truly cares.

Far better to be 'ungoogleable'...

HonoraryOctonaut · 23/10/2014 17:44

I used Oven Pride on mine, I don't have a steamer. It waxdo satisfying when all the burnt on stuff just wiped away the next morning. I used that Mr Muscle stuff on the top, sprayed it on and half an hour later the greasy stuff just wiped away. Must be made of acid or something though, I got some on my arm and it burned! Ouch.

I'm a right Saddo, I bleached my fridge and took photos. I thought about starting a cleaning thread but decided I would look a right knob!

HonoraryOctonaut · 23/10/2014 17:47
Blush
To feel this is really odd?
Original poster
Sunbury1986 · 23/10/2014 17:49

wow this is great Wink. Been out for an hour or so....can't tell as it was sooooo amaaaazing youd all be Envy, actually I've been for a swim at the leisure centre where a woman with real problems probably could do with posting on here...kid refused to change for swim and told mother he would poo in the pool if she made him swim. Felt so sorry for her! anyway to clarify ....
Re Joking about Facebook: no it was not a jokey text. We've been through the jokey phase about me not doing FB and I refuse to be harangued into it. I decide who knows what about me, I wasn't in a gang at school and I don't want to join one now by bowing to pressure. ( TBH I'm also not really that interested in the minute detail of the average middle class woman's life. I'd rather watch Ray Donovan or Mad Men)

Re steam cleaning of oven! you need to have a really clean oven to start. I take out all the chrome bits and use a wire cleaning pad with washing up liquid or baking soda. Wipe the inside out then give it a blast with the pointy brush tool thing all over the inside. Works a treat on my fan oven.

just to add to original post I made, if all my friends tell me they are so bloody busy all the time why don't they get off the bloody internet and social media. Also I'm sick of worrying about the fact every night out they have seems to be in a toilet.

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Original poster
Sunbury1986 · 23/10/2014 17:52

honorary octonaut....your not a saddo at all....you are totally sane because unlike me you don't feel the need to have all the labels facing forward in the fridge...my DS remarked in the holidays that when he was little he found it quite endearing that I did this because " we could all come to our house and play shops really easily". He now finds it -amusing -offensive that I think he is too stupid to realise what the contents of the fridge are unless everything is facing forward.

OP posts:
Mrwillywonkasbitch · 23/10/2014 18:02

I think it was more of a not heard from you in ages sarcastic message. Not very nice!

Original poster
Sunbury1986 · 23/10/2014 18:10

Mrwillywonkasbitch No def not that. Last time we were in a real social situation she was grilling my kids, who are older and pretty savvy socially, about all sorts. I'd changed my car and her first words to me were " what made you buy xxxxx are you having a midlife crisis?". I sense some envy but I'm just not that kind of person. I'm not flash, I like what I like, I work hard and I love my family. I know it sounds daft but I feel a bit of relief that it's been said. she loves control and is desperate to have a little "clique" of female friends. I know I'm missing out on some things but I beleive what goes around comes around and you know what I'm happy

OP posts:
Suzannewithaplan · 23/10/2014 18:29

I suppose that people who prefer the transparent 'put everything on display' sort of approach to life would feel that those who dont a little odd or secretive?

Whilst we find them vulgar, crass and vacuous and banal.

I am an avid user of tech and internet but I have minimal online presence, the two dont have to go hand in hand

wantstolickwilliamgraham · 23/10/2014 18:49

Why does it matter if you are on fb or anything? She's got your phone number! Call, text or watsapp!

choccyp1g · 23/10/2014 18:49

Sunbury1986 Thu 23-Oct-14 17:49:05 Re steam cleaning of oven! you need to have a really clean oven to start.....

Please tell me this was a typo; I am hyperventilating at the mere thought of a clean oven, let alone cleaning the clean oven .

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