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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To report her and risk wrecking her career without 100% proof?

93 replies

FoamingAtOnesMouth · 23/10/2014 12:42

Don't want to give too many details away so bits of info have been changed but the story remains the same. Basically I am a mentor for a student who is currently on placement with me. She's 34 years old, married with kids. All normal.
First couple of weeks were fine, no probs but then odd stuff started happening in our place if work that had never happened before. Starting with a sign appearing in the female toilets saying "please flush the bog after use". Everyone was questioning it because the wording was obviously not normal but the sign had been printed and laminated so looked as official as pos really. Nobody owned up to it. A week later the sign was taken down and a new one appeared reading something along the lines of "flush the big and get rid of any shit stains. Thank you". Again nobody admitted to it and the person in charge made a big deal of it saying whoever was doing it was risking disciplinary action. At this point my student kept asking questions about it and seemed to find it hilarious and was trying to figure out if anyone else found it funny. Other odd 'happenings' include a full loaf of bread being ripped apart and left stuffed in its bag and what we assumed to be food colouring in a bottle of milk in staff room. None of this shit happened before she got here but I felt bad blaming her because she actually seems as normal and nice as possible!
Latest incident was yesterday and was basically her laughing her head off quite hysterically because someone slipped. Obviously I've spoken to her but she remains as calm and collected as ever and shows the same confusion as everyone else but I just know it's her but can't explain why. All our magazines in the staff room get defaced with daft drawings etc too and in a conversion with another colleague she told then that people eating marmalade on toast makes her so angry she feels like shoving it down their throat. She laughed it off but it's still an odd thing to say no??

OP posts:
123upthere · 23/10/2014 15:27

No kidding though she sounds (if it is her) that food poisoning of office food could be a major risk here (food colouring in milk bottles who DOES that)

BonaDea · 23/10/2014 15:35

Agree, you can't take it upon yourself to install a camera - more likely to get you fired for a gross invasion of privacy than anyone else! In limited circumstances an employer could install a spy camera like this, but they'd have to weigh up the pros and cons and take advice. Don't do that.

However, I think you're right to be worried. She sounds quite unhinged. I don't really care if you haven't got concrete proof. People have to act on their hunches or best guess sometimes and provided you are professional in the way you give the feedback (perhaps having a quiet word with her tutor or otherwise escalating whilst making clear you don't have proof) I think you'd be doing the best thing.

pieceofpurplesky · 23/10/2014 22:35

I don't get how anyone is saying she is unhinged. There is no evidence whatsoever pointing to her having done anything but laugh, ask questions and probably be nervous and trying to fit in. All the OPs questions are based on gossip and accusations. Seems to me like they have nothing better to do! Tibia clear from the OP that they are gossiping about the woman and no doubt are embellishing the stories as people do ... OP you need to tread very carefully and act with a bit if maturity - it could be your mentee, it could be one person, it could be several ...

Pilgit · 23/10/2014 22:44

People do some very odd things in theie workplace. We had a spate of poo being used as paint on a cubicle wall - I have no idea what motivates peoplease to do such things.

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 23/10/2014 23:02

I agree that with the signs in the toilet, my first instinct would be a disgruntled cleaner. Also, her asking whether others found the signs funny could quite feasibly be her checking what the expected response is in the workplace, when she maybe finds the signs quite funny but doesn't want to react out of step with the rest of the staff.

If it is all her though, she is quite odd and this does need to be passed on to her tutor. I don't know how you could responsibly and ethically find out though.

magpiegin · 24/10/2014 03:49

Are you sure the food colouring in the milk isn't someone who is fed up of having their milk stolen? I read that someone did that on here once!

stupidlittlegirl · 24/10/2014 04:35

J

maddy68 · 24/10/2014 06:59

It sounds more likely that a cleaner would do that in the toilet

Laughing at something doesn't make her the culprit. I find really imature stuff funny, and if other people don't find it funny I find it more funny, it's almost a nervous laugh then.

She just sounds young to me. I doubt she would risk her placement doing daft things like that.

Fabulous46 · 24/10/2014 07:10

You have absolutely no proof to suspect her of anything. The Team Manager should have called a meeting long before now to discuss these things before throwing about terms like "disciplinary action". It's up to your Team Manager to deal with in a constructive manner without blaming individuals when there is no proof whatsoever.

ghostyslovesheep · 24/10/2014 07:20

I regularly write twat on Peter Andre's head in the mags at work ... I am sane

FloatIsRechargedNow · 24/10/2014 07:22

If the OP is a nurse/HCP I'm more concerned that not only do they leave shitty toilets but it's considered a disciplinary action if you dare to remind them to not leave toilets unclean for the next person!!

The gossip and backstabbing in your workplace must be horrific OP.

saintlyjimjams · 24/10/2014 07:24

You have no proof at all.

You can feedback to her that laughing at people falling over isn't appropriate in your workplace (I say that because I've worked in places where someone falling over would be laughed at - providing they didn't break a leg or something). You can't say anything else.

Signs/kitchen etc could be anyone. Agree a cleaner is likely for the signs as they're the ones most likely to be fed up by stains.

saintlyjimjams · 24/10/2014 07:25

I regularly write twat on Peter Andre's head in the mags at work ... I am sane

I think writing twat on Peter Andre's head is proof of sanity.

Spindarella · 24/10/2014 08:49

BarbarianMum
It's not that you don't have 100% it's that you have no proof at all. All you have is suspicion , which should not be enough to ruin a person's career, esp as you say there are other possibilities

Completely agree with this. Also, I know someone who used to colour milk in their workplce - there was some logic to it to ensure more than one bottle was never on the go (it seemed very complicated actually).

I like the signs

x2boys · 24/10/2014 13:07

I read it as the work place. Milk? I ,m a staff nurse on the ward I work on we got lots of bottles of milk/day if there was somebody putting food dye into it I would be very concerned? Maybe reading it wrong of course but again if I was in this situation and I suspected one of my students and I would tell my ward manager and let them deal with it!

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 24/10/2014 13:12

Gosh, whoever is doing these things sounds unhinged!

tinylttletrotters · 24/10/2014 13:28

I think you should start off with a big chat to all personnal about it

MrsMarcJacobs · 24/10/2014 16:39

I would be very careful to accuse someone when you have no proof. She would have to be pretty stupid to start doing that as soon as she arrived. Could be someone who was waiting for a scapegoat.

Nelleebellee · 24/10/2014 16:58

Has the OP been back?

Isetan · 24/10/2014 17:53

You have baseless suspicions, so there's nothing to report. What a strange OP.

hippo123 · 24/10/2014 19:36

She does sound a bit odd but you have no proof at all it was her. It could just as easily be someone who cleverly thought the blame would be put on the new person if they started doing these things the same time they started. What do your domestics say about it all? Is your student not at all concerned that these things started when she did? I would be worried that the finger of blame would be pointed at me if I were her. Surely this has occurred to her?

MrsCumbersnatch · 24/10/2014 20:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

greenbananas · 24/10/2014 20:52

It's true that somebody could be looking for a scapegoat.

op are you still reading this? I think instincts are there for a reason. You're obviously worried. There have been lots of people on this thread saying you shouldn't do anything but, if you are really concerned, then you absolutely must do something. imagine how you would feel if someone got really hurt and you had said nothing

Anniegetyourgun · 24/10/2014 21:01

I did food colouring in milk once. Some bugger kept helping themselves from the communal fridge. Making the milk look all weird tended to deter them. Black was the most effective (it went all grey and mottled), closely followed by green :)

I did stop doing it when I moved jobs though. I don't actually like black milk very much.

raltheraffe · 24/10/2014 21:02

I run an commercial cleaning company and I can tell you it is highly unlikely to be a cleaner. Cleaners normally work out of hours (before 9 am or after 5 pm) when the majority of computers and all printers are switched off. Even if they switched a computer on they would not have the password to unlock it. Also cleaners work short (normally 2 or 3 hour shifts) and although some chat to each other, they do not get break times and normally just get on with the tasks they are set. Plus most experienced cleaners really do not bother about a dirty loo. They do this job day in day out and so get used to dealing with grime.