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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To report her and risk wrecking her career without 100% proof?

93 replies

FoamingAtOnesMouth · 23/10/2014 12:42

Don't want to give too many details away so bits of info have been changed but the story remains the same. Basically I am a mentor for a student who is currently on placement with me. She's 34 years old, married with kids. All normal.
First couple of weeks were fine, no probs but then odd stuff started happening in our place if work that had never happened before. Starting with a sign appearing in the female toilets saying "please flush the bog after use". Everyone was questioning it because the wording was obviously not normal but the sign had been printed and laminated so looked as official as pos really. Nobody owned up to it. A week later the sign was taken down and a new one appeared reading something along the lines of "flush the big and get rid of any shit stains. Thank you". Again nobody admitted to it and the person in charge made a big deal of it saying whoever was doing it was risking disciplinary action. At this point my student kept asking questions about it and seemed to find it hilarious and was trying to figure out if anyone else found it funny. Other odd 'happenings' include a full loaf of bread being ripped apart and left stuffed in its bag and what we assumed to be food colouring in a bottle of milk in staff room. None of this shit happened before she got here but I felt bad blaming her because she actually seems as normal and nice as possible!
Latest incident was yesterday and was basically her laughing her head off quite hysterically because someone slipped. Obviously I've spoken to her but she remains as calm and collected as ever and shows the same confusion as everyone else but I just know it's her but can't explain why. All our magazines in the staff room get defaced with daft drawings etc too and in a conversion with another colleague she told then that people eating marmalade on toast makes her so angry she feels like shoving it down their throat. She laughed it off but it's still an odd thing to say no??

OP posts:
OttiliaVonBCup · 23/10/2014 13:35

While I agree it seems unpleasant and odd, one thing jumped at me in your OP.

You object, and rightly so the the note saying "flush the big and get rid of any shit stains" and at the same time you use "None of this shit happened" yourself.

I see the different context but maybe you are somehow sending out mixed messages to the student?

BarbarianMum · 23/10/2014 13:41

I agree but also be aware that it may not all be the work of one person. So if person a put the toilet posters up because they were sick of the state of the toilets, and person b doodled on the magazines and person c tore the bread and contaminated the milk then you have 1 person acting unprofessionally, 1 being slightly annoying and person c I would worry about. But the situation overall would be less sinister. Daft drawings in a magazine, for instance, would in isolation be nothing to worry about.

Troublesometrucker · 23/10/2014 13:42

I don't think you have anything to report since you have no proof it's her, so I cant see how you'll wreck her career.

You could on the other hand suggest that you suspect her to your boss...? Surely it wouldn't wreck her career, it would just mean they watched her in particular?

pieceofpurplesky · 23/10/2014 13:47

So the only evidence you have is that she laughed at someone tripping, asked questions about some signs and gossip from someone saying she doesn't like marmalade - you have no clue what she actually said and if you are having a bitchfest about her (as it seems you were discussing her with another colleague) what she said could be exaggerated.

So someone craps in the toilet and doesn't clean it - and you are annoyed there is a sign put up? To be fair nobody would own up to it if it was them especially after threat of disciplinary. Someone doodles on magazines in the staff room so she must be mentally unstable - wow you should see the ones in ours!

Her behaviour and attitude seem more like nerves than anything to me ... The giggling, the questions and the comments - maybe trying to fit in?
You have NO evidence other than suspicious minds and gossip. You say you are new to the job ... Maybe you are not ready to be a mentor yet?
You know that you need to speak to the university contact, to check BUT without evidence you cannot accuse someone without any evidence other than you and your cronies find her strange ....

SolomanDaisy · 23/10/2014 13:54

I think you could speak to the college, but only in the context of what you have actual evidence about. Assuming you are in a caring profession, then I think it is worth raising her emotional maturity, as demonstrated by laughing hysterically at someone falling over. Have you asked her outright whether she knows anything about any of the strange incidents?

appleharvest · 23/10/2014 13:55

It just sounds really childish and puerile to me. I daresay it's annoying but is it really indicative of any real harm going to be done? I sometimes have a childish sense of humour and probably would have wanted to laugh myself at someone falling over but wouldn't in public anyway!

bonkersLFDT20 · 23/10/2014 14:03

OP you have mentioned "the person in charge". While you, as her mentor have responsibility for some of this woman's behaviour - the unprofessional manner you see for example, the other stuff is not your responsibility.

Let the person in charge deal with it. You are risking your own job if you act upon things which are based on suspicion.

sangfreude · 23/10/2014 14:04

I think you should tread extremely carefully.

You have no proof.

You must be bound to HCPC guidelines or similar? This is a very serious issue and if you make allegations which are not only unfounded but could be potentially construed as malicious, you could be in trouble yourself.

Raise the issue with extreme delicacy with her personal tutor at the university, and be careful of gossiping about it.

AuntieStella · 23/10/2014 14:05

With a spate of odd happenings, you (specifically you, or someone else affected) needs to raise this with your line management chain and ask for it to be investigated. Whoever is doing it needs to be stopped, a it's already affecting people and there is a chance it could escalate (no idea of likelihood, just a possibility).

Then, perhaps, your role as mentor is to talk to your student about the need for thorough investigation, trust in the workplace, professional standards at all times in all places etc. Whether she is the culprit or not, that's a good message to pass on.

I don't know what to advise if formal investigation does not uncover a culprit, but you still have good reason to suspect.

Sallyingforth · 23/10/2014 14:12

These things are stupid and childish, but are not certainly not illegal and not really harming anyone. Since she's only there for another 5 weeks I would just wait impatiently for her to go.
You could of course just look her in the eye next time, and say "Funny how these things never happened before you came".

x2boys · 23/10/2014 14:13

Op just tell your managers your suspicions and let them deal with it that's what they get paid for if you see her acting unprofessionally deal with it there and than and get the backing of your managers if you need it.

TunipTheUnconquerable · 23/10/2014 14:17

I'd get the thread pulled, if I were you.

duckyneedsaclean · 23/10/2014 14:24

It could be anyone, I'd suspect a disgruntled domestic myself, for the signs, bread and milk at least.

Allhallowspeeve · 23/10/2014 14:26

I agree just wait it out.

My mother used to get up in the middle if the night and switch hanging flower baskets for carrier bags with loafs of mouldy bread in, she had mental health issues.

grocklebox · 23/10/2014 14:29

Cameras are a ridiculous idea, you need to have very strict procedures in place to film people in their workplace.

Have you tried simply asking her? Or just tell your suspicions to whoever you report to and leave it there.

Never mind 100% proof, you have 0%.

outofcontrol2014 · 23/10/2014 14:41

Another vote for waiting it out provided that she doesn't have responsibility for vulnerable people. I understand that the correlation with her appearance on the scene looks suspicious but without proof, it's really difficult. It's possible someone else at work is having some kind of breakdown, or even being spiteful and trying to make it look like she's to blame (sounds crazy, I know, but people can be awful sometimes).

Don't put cameras in place, it's a complete invasion and I'm pretty sure could land you in very hot water.

MewlingQuim · 23/10/2014 14:44

I don't think you have any proof, just suspicions which could very wrong.

Years ago when I worked in retail, money kept going missing from the till on my shift. I got blamed at first as I was young and new, but a colleague, a very good friend of mine, was then caught red handed. Also, the member of staff who caught him was almost certainly pinching too and caught my 'friend' to divert suspicion Hmm Some times the perpetrator deliberately makes sure it looks like someone else.

When we had a similar situation to yours at my current job, management called a meeting of all staff and said it would not be tolerated and staff doing pranks would be sacked. It seemed to solve the problem. We had very strong suspicions about who was doing it, but no proof.

Madratlady · 23/10/2014 14:45

Those who are saying it's harmless - that is totally innapropriate behaviour for a nurse and I think it is quite concerning.

OP I'm not a mentor but it sounds like you need to speak to your ward manager and maybe her personal tutor at uni? And maybe you could mention in more general terms to the student that you don't think these happenings are appropriate in a health care setting?

MewlingQuim · 23/10/2014 14:52

Oops, forgot to put in my last post that my 'friend' was deliberately stealing on my shifts so that I would be blamed.

x2boys · 23/10/2014 15:06

Interesting point mewling I,m a nurse and years ago we had lots of there on the ward we had a newish member of staff that everybody suspected it was always on his shift we had all the camera suggestions but were told no because of confidentiality and the perpetrator would have to actually be caught! He was eventually but the person who caught him there was also some suspicion about her too ! I do by the way think the right person was caught but wonder whether the woman that caught him was also stealing too.

BarbarianMum · 23/10/2014 15:07

Doodling in magazines is totally inappropriate for a nurse? Really?

I say again - OP has no evidence that everything going on is down to 1 person or who that person is.

x2boys · 23/10/2014 15:08

*lots of theft.!

x2boys · 23/10/2014 15:10

Doodling n magazines isn't innapropriate but the language used on the sign in the toilet is and the bread and milk incident is but if it was me I would let the managers deal with it.

123upthere · 23/10/2014 15:24

She sounds unhinged, seriously. If it is her doing these things. What's her background? Has she mentioned any bizarre childhood etc?

123upthere · 23/10/2014 15:25

Usedtobe: I think fingerprint kits are easily obtained on amazon?