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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be upset with nursery and if not how do i deal with this?

67 replies

bopoityboo3 · 21/10/2014 16:50

So to give some back ground DS has been at nursery for the last 8 weeks and he is just over 6 months old. The last couple of weeks nursery has been saying that he cries a lot during the day and is hard to get to sleep (he's not a great sleeper at home either I'm up with him ever few hours through the night) before that though he has been really happy at nursery which he is normally at home.

So just picked him up today and was going through the normal hand over stuff about how his day has been and again they mention that he hasn't been the happiest chap and fairly tearful and shouty and getting bored/ annoyed after playing with things for about 10 minutes this all said as if it's surprising a 6 month old doesn't want to play with the same stuff for longer then that (am I wrong to assume that little babies don't have a great attention span?).

It then turned out that whilst trying to get him to sleep they have left him in a swing chair screaming for 45 minutes until he finally fell asleep. Am I being unreasonable to not want them to leave my baby to scream for 45 minutes until he cries himself to sleep and how do I talk to them about this without being seen to be the stroppy OTT mother. This is the same nursery we used for DD and she loved it and we were really happy with them hence using them again this time round. It has left me feeling real upset to think that he has been left screaming and crying for all that time.

So collective power of mumsnet set me straight am I being to precious second baby or should I have a word and how should I go about having that word?

Sorry this is so long.

OP posts:

Sirzy · 21/10/2014 16:52

I wouldn't be happy. Can you word it in a way whereby you are suggesting things which help him settle at home?

Why were they trying to get him to sleep in a swinging chair anyway? Do they not have cots/mats for them to sleep on?

Ticktockblock · 21/10/2014 16:54

Who told you he was left for 45 mins in the swing? What was your reaction when they told you?

MexicanSpringtime · 21/10/2014 16:54

I'm no expert on the inside workings of nurseries, but if you as his mother were to leave a six-month old baby crying for 45 minutes, you'd be eaten alive on here and in RL.

Lilicat1013 · 21/10/2014 16:55

45 minutes left to cry is appalling, I would look at moving him.
I have never had a tiny one in nursery but when my older son went I have seen them carrying round the babies who wouldn't settle or sitting with them rubbing their backs. I never saw a child left to cry.

StripyBanana · 21/10/2014 16:56

Oh move him. There has to be somewhere better. Do you have any childminders near you?

BarbarianMum · 21/10/2014 16:59

Slightly on the fence here as I have done similar on the odd occasion when my loved ones were desperately overtired and me soothing them just made things worse. Wouldn't be happy as a general rule. though.

Oh and 10 min was exactly the length of ds1's attention span til he discovered toy trains at 18 months. Actually 10 min was a good day.

harihippo · 21/10/2014 17:04

I work in a nursery we have a 6 month old who is very unsettled at the moment. We would never dream of letting him cry himself to sleep. We take it in turns to hold,cuddle play with him. The only time he maybe left to cry for 2 or 3 mins. ( and one of us would be singing/talking to him in a soothing voice) Would be when he is in a bouncy chair whilst we get the others around the table and bibs on for lunch.

You need to speak to the nursery manager in the morning. Leaving a baby to cry is not on

aero9485429 · 21/10/2014 17:05

They didn't hold him but instead let him cry it out instead for a very long time without parental permission. i wouldnt be happy

how does ds usually get to sleep?

Original poster

bopoityboo3 · 21/10/2014 17:06

ticktock his key worker said it, 'took 45 minutes in the chair to get him to sleep and he was shouting the whole time'. I was gobsmacked at this and didn't really know how to react as I was so surprised and the way she said it was so matter of fact as if this was totally normal.

OP posts:

aero9485429 · 21/10/2014 17:06

The short attention span and restlessness could easilyh be put down to tierdness and needing a nap. Why didn't they hold him instead?

Original poster

bopoityboo3 · 21/10/2014 17:11

He is normal rocked to sleep or falls asleep on the boob (he's mixed feed now at nursery) Then once he's out he goes down in his cot.

I really feel I do need to talk to the manager but not sure how to go about it an sound reasonable. on the way home my blood just started to boil as I thought about it. He's not in again until Friday so have some time to work out how to do this in a rational manner.

Glad I'm not being unreasonable I'm never sure when it comes to my kids if I am being or not.

OP posts:

harihippo · 21/10/2014 17:18

Ask the manager is it nursery policy to let the children cry themselves to sleep.

See what her reaction is. She may not know this is going on.

Original poster

bopoityboo3 · 21/10/2014 17:21

I'm not sure way they didn't hold him instead aero. His key worker gives off a slight 'old school' feel talking about routines and things I think she thinks that by 6 months he should be able to go to sleep by himself at set times. What slightly baffles me is that there isn't many babies in his room at the moment max of 4 at a time it would seem by the sign in sheets so surely there is someone who could cuddle him to sleep instead of letting him scream.

OP posts:

Original poster

bopoityboo3 · 21/10/2014 17:22

That's a good idea harihippo it just seems so different to how things were done when my DD was there a few years ago.

OP posts:

Aeroflotgirl · 21/10/2014 17:24

Babies attention span are short, they are babies! I woukd nit be happy with this, I would have a meeting with the manager.

Rebecca2014 · 21/10/2014 17:25

Do you think it is best if he is with a child minder? a child that young especially one who does not sleep well I don't think is well placed at a nursery.

notagainffffffffs · 21/10/2014 17:29

Yanbu 45 mins is way too long. Is the mixed feeding working or do you think maybe its best to express always so his routine isnt confused? I would also want to double check their ratios and if enough staff were working that day.

TiggerLillies · 21/10/2014 17:29

I've never worked in a nursery where children were put to sleep in a chair, they would lie on their beds with adults patting or rubbing their backs. Parents would always be consulted on how children got to sleep. If screaming then we would take them to another room when the other children were off to sleep. I would not be happy with this nursery's procedures , 45 mins in a chair!? What adult would like that?!

Yackityyakyak · 21/10/2014 17:34

What they are doing is not on at all! But.... YOU need to work out another way of getting your DS off to sleep.

They CAN'T rock him to sleep if that's going to take ages, nor (obviously!) can they 'feed' him to sleep the way you have. So unless you try to have some consistency with how he goes to sleep at home AND at the nursery, it's just going to make it difficult for him.

My DS was always 'patted' to sleep, lying on the mattresses. All the children had the same nap time, so having someone patting a few of the children to sleep didn't affect their ratios.

MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom · 21/10/2014 17:35

That's bad. Especially if your baby is one of only 4 in the room - DD is 6 months old and at her nursery she's one of 10 who is in full time, and when any of the babies are ready for bed they will rock and cuddle them to sleep or shh-pat or put them in the bouncer for a bit but not if they're crying. There's no excuse for leaving him for 45 minutes. I'd be looking for a new nursery tbh.

harihippo · 21/10/2014 17:35

I would say it casually to nursery manager to see what she says/ reacts then just say you feel uncomfortable with what you were told had happened with your baby.

BalloonSlayer · 21/10/2014 17:41

Bloody hell!

I am also unimpressed with her using the word "shouting." Unless that's a regional thing where you live, that sounds to me as if she is attributing anger to a 6 month old baby instead of distress.

Purplepoodle · 21/10/2014 18:23

Was he crying or 'shouting' my boys were notorious for getting shouty when going to sleep - not crying but kind of a protest shout. I would go in and have a chat. Perhaps there was someone sat next to him the whole time patting him or something.

I would just go in and repeat what key worker said and does that mean ds was left to cry in swing chair for 45mins? You don't have to be aggressive just ask for clarification and ask perhaps ask if there's a method you both could use to help your ds get to sleep. Perhaps a fav sleeping bag from home ect

hollie84 · 21/10/2014 18:27

To be honest, nurseries just aren't ideal for the care of small babies.

AllGoodBaby · 21/10/2014 20:24

I would be very unhappy with this, and would also be thinking of moving him. The babies at DS's nursery are never left to cry, and if unsettled they are cuddled/held/distracted. Absolutely make a fuss. You're paying them to look after your precious baby. They should be doing it well.

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