Help - how do I deal with this? (warning....long)

[Fizzielove]

Today I had parent teacher meeting with dd(3) nursery teacher.

Basically the teacher told me that my daughter was an unhappy child, that she never smiled - even when our lovely child minder collected her. That she is stubborn, willful, needs to learn to do as she's told, that she wants to be spoken to as an adult, wants to be treated as a big girl. Oh and that she thinks she needs a referral to the Occupational Therapy team to work on her core muscles to make her sit, cos apparently she just won't it when told. She actually said she was basically teenager in a 3 year old's body. Could I please tell her some strategies to work with her (dd).

I was completely stunned!! My daughter is pretty much life and soul of the party, always giggling and laughing. Yes she can be stubborn and want her own way (don't we all!) but generally if you speak to her normally and ask her to do something she will do it. (begrudgingly probably but she has never flatly refused to do anything I / child minder / babysitter asks).

I am trying really hard to not go all mama bear but the more I have thought of the conversation the more annoyed and upset I have got.

The teacher speaks to people in a voice I find really annoying and patronising - like you are completely stupid - high pitched - forced smile - you get the picture! (I wonder does my dd find her as annoying as I have since the day I met her!)

From this meeting I didn't get any idea of how dd was getting along with other children in the class - what did she like playing with.

Basically I sat there for 25mins whilst the teacher told me what a demon my child is - now I am not precious and went prepared with being told that dd didn't like sharing, etc. nothing like this - wasn't even on my radar - I really get the feeling that she's taken a severe dislike to my child.

WIBU to speak to the principal tomorrow morning? Ideally I'd like her moved to the other class.

Any idea what I can say? How I can best deal with this??

Thanks if you've got this far!

I've contacted another play group very nearby and yay they have a place!!

So I'll go to the meeting and see what they say before I pull her.

Your dd is 3 of course she is not going to sit stil for very long. I think school thatched nurseries expect preschoolers to be mini year 1, and 2 p, and fail to realise they are still only little. How unprofessional of that teacher, what a horribal thing to say about the children. I could not have my child in such negative environment. I would take her out.

Hey fizzie,

My DS is 4 and just started P1 and we're having almost exactly the same issues. I don't want to take over your thread listing everything, but the thing that stood out the most was where you said your daughter tells you she has been shouted at but doesn't know why. DS says the same thing. (We're also just outside Belfast!)

Good luck for your meeting tomorrow, I'll be eager to see what happens. We've been called in for a meeting next Tues, like you one part of me wants to go all tiger-mummy and yell and cry and ask why do you hate my beautiful boy, the other part wants to (try to) be rational. Sorry for rambling! Just glad to find someone in a similar position

The teacher shouts at your dd . She sounds awful. Do see the other nursery

Grumpyredhead! I feel for u, I wouldn't wish this on anyone!

How did the meeting go ?

One point to note, please don't ask your child constant leading questions each night, like 'were you shouted at today?' - children are smart enough to figure out that you want them to say yes so that there can be a problem for you to deal with. Far better to ask more open ended questions where you aren't putting thoughts into their heads, e.g. If a small child is asked every day if someone has shouted at them, then they will start to think that they are meant to be shouted at so will say that they were to give you the answer they think you want.

have had some success with the school since contacting them about it?

halfway into your first paragraph and my instinctive response is " Get her out of there."
just going back to see if anything changes my mind.

nope, finished reading the opening post.

trust your child. she's happy (life and soul) at home.
she's unhappy (never smiles) at nursery.
her teacher is a miserable b.
get her out of there. don't send her again.

Glad to see you have another place lined up.

Hope it went well today.

So - update - went to the meeting and all of a sudden was pointed out some positive things - apparently I had focused on all the negatives still they stand by that she has some challenging behaviour. She will remain in the same class - was told in no uncertain terms would there be a move! During this meeting there was no information about exactly what DD was doing that was so challenging!

After class had finished I went back (again) to speak to the teacher to ask exactly what had she been doing that was so bad. So it turns out that she doesn't know her own strength and has been hugging and lifting other kids, on one ocassion she kicked other kids to get them out of the library corner as she wanted to read on her own (she wouldn't dare do this when I'm about!) and other low level annoyances. Apparently they know there is no malice in her but that these behaviours have to stop!!

So starting on Friday she's had a reward chart at home for her behaviour! And I have to say that so far it's going really well - the issues I had of her not doing as told without having to be shouted at have improved - she now brushes her teeth without crying, no more tantrums about going to bed.

I had set the reward chart to 10 stickers to encourage her to see what she would get with good behaviour!

So far so good - here's hoping it continues.

For the future within nursery I will be watching the teacher to ensure she's picking on dd as I'm sure the rest of the class aren't perfect angels.