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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed with nursery

54 replies

Siennasun · 20/10/2014 21:57

Reposting here for traffic.

Background: DS is nearly 2 and has been in nursery for just over a year, 2 days per week. He usually cries when he's dropped off but staff say he's fine after 5 minutes and he's happy when I pick him up.

He moved rooms at start of September so has been in new room about 6 weeks. All children have a peg with their photo on. Despite me asking about it for the last couple of weeks, he still doesn't have his own peg.

Usually someone will cuddle him/distract him while I leave. This morning he was wailing and clinging to my legs as I took off his coat and hung up his stuff on a random peg. It was quite early so several members of staff and only 4-5 kids in the room. No one even greeted him, let alone attempted to comfort him. I don't think any of the staff in his room this morning knew his name.

When I picked him up this afternoon I asked to take home his Learning Journey. I've been looking through it this evening. The most recent observation was 1 September and was written by his previous key worker. There hasn't been anything added since he moved rooms.
I'm not sure how regularly observations are supposed to be done, but I'd expect something to be done in 6 weeks? Or could they have done stuff and not added it in yet?

As up to now I've been generally happy with his care WIBU to talk to the manager about this or am I massively over reacting to 1 bad day?

OP posts:

JoyceDivision · 20/10/2014 22:02

Not over reacting. That is dire, there has been no prior planning to welcome your ds... poor soul.

Demand, nicely, to see manager tomorrow, list your concernsand tell them what you want doing to resolve it

LuckyLopez · 20/10/2014 22:03

Apart from the not distracting him whilst you leave (maybe be more vocal about asking for help?) I think it's fine.

6 weeks behind on the LJ is nothing. Mine are about 6 months!

BackforGood · 20/10/2014 22:05

No, I don't think you are over-reacting.
6 weeks is a long time for things like his peg picture not to be done (presumably they knew before he was moving that he was going to move rooms, so actually, it should have been done prior to him moving, so it was there to greet him. So reasons such as the printer being out of ink or something won't hold any weight.
It's feasible that his key worker hadn't started her shift when you ropped him off (don't know how long his hours are) but other staff in the room should be aware of that and should be greeting a little one who has moved up and not yet settled.
Same with the LJ, really. Where there's a child who is crying at drop off, it would be a priority for most Nurseries to take some photos of him enjoying himself, and to make notes of comments he made or things he did, to be able to show the parents that he is well settled.

I would definitely worry about staff that weren't interested in the children, so yes, I would talk to the manager.

PiperIsOrange · 20/10/2014 22:11

I would talk with the nursery about the lack of greeting. How did you get into the building without someone buzzing you in. The person who does the entry should greet the child.

Just out of interest have you signed a form for them to take photos. In DC schools they will not take pictures unless you sign a letter saying you give permission.

ColgateSmile · 20/10/2014 22:14

Have you asked about his peg?maybe the staff have forgotten, no big deal, I'd just mention it to them again and if nothing happens in the next week or two maybe speak to the room leader?

When he was crying and none of the staff came to comfort/distract him, what exactly were they doing? I would be disappointed about that but if its a one off, probably wouldn't say anything.

I think YABU about his learning journey, 6 weeks really isn't long and the new key person should have some observations to add to it, possibly just not got round to it yet?

See how it goes, if in a few weeks the staff still haven't sorted out a peg label for your son, his LJ hasn't been updated or if you aren't happy with how they are handling drop offs then I'd be inclined to have a chat with the manager (who will give the staff a bit of a roasting about it!)

Gileswithachainsaw · 20/10/2014 22:15

That doesn't sound good. Dd had a picture for her peg taken the first day she went fir a settling in session weeks before she officially started. She shares a peg but it has both kids names and picture on it.

And it's not hard to greet the children either.

Your poor ds. Is he the only new comer the room? Is it possible all the other kids are already settled so don't get greeted so much and he's just kind of been over loomed?

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 20/10/2014 22:18

I can't believe you're asking if you're being unreasonable. Indeed you're not. That is abysmal to not even greet a child. That's the first thing you do. When my d.d was in nursery. The staff would be there to greet her and make her feel welcome.
Babies are not stupid very far from it and he will have felt uncomfortable at practically being ignored.

This not good enough for your son or for you and you need to speak to the manager.
I am no expert on observations but I would say not having one done in 7 weeks is lacking.

Dinosaursdontgrowontrees · 20/10/2014 22:18

Speaking as a nursery nurse. I wouldn't complain about the peg thing or the observations ( although it's not great! To give you an idea we have to do at least one long observation a week and tend to write something each time they are in) however the not greeting him in this morning and staff not knowing his name is completely unexceptable. I would be asking to speak to the manager- no wonder he is unsettled if there is no familiar face to greet him. Poor love.
Was he settled when you dropped him off in the baby room?

Original poster

Siennasun · 20/10/2014 22:25

Thanks for replies.
His key worker wasn't there when I dropped him off. If she had been there I'm sure she would have picked him up straight away. He's there 7:30 - 5 usually.

The nursery has a reception so we get buzzed in by the front desk and then I take him up to his room.

I have signed a consent form for photos.

I'll ask to make an appointment to see manager tomorrow. It's hard because his key worker seems ok and he seems so happy when I pick him up but I felt uneasy about today.

OP posts:

Bunnyjo · 20/10/2014 22:28

DS (3yo) started school nursery at the start of September. As such he is in the EYFS and, being completely honest, I don't know what (if any) assessments they have done. So with regards to the learning journey, I cannot say whether 6 weeks since an update is acceptable.

However, in spite of him being in a very busy nursery, reception and year 1 class with a teaching HT (who obviously has an incredibly busy schedule), he had a peg photo and classroom board photo done by the end of day 1.

He also had a little trouble settling in to begin with and cried for the first couple of weeks. There was ALWAYS a HT or TA to take him from me, and they would give him a cuddle and distract him whilst I made my exit.

So, with regard to the care of your DS, I'd say YANBU. I wouldn't leave it a few weeks either - he's been in the new room for close to half a term, so I would have expected them to have sorted things like named pegs etc.

As a first port of call I would speak to the nursery manager. I presume you have had a good relationship with the nursery prior to this, so hopefully this can be resolved easily.

AcheyJakey · 20/10/2014 22:34

Def see the manager. That's unacceptable.

Original poster

Siennasun · 20/10/2014 22:43

This morning one of the adults was playing with the kids and the others were doing paperwork. Its that what upset me. I know they have to do it but I think a crying child should take priority over paperwork.

He used to cry in the baby room too but someone would always cuddle him. He seems to be the only child that cries at drop off. He's not the only child that moved rooms but all the others do seem more settled.

OP posts:

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 20/10/2014 22:46

Trust me.He wont be the only child who cries. I know it seems like that, though

Original poster

Siennasun · 20/10/2014 22:52

Thanks. I will make an appointment tomorrow. I probably should have done it earlier but didn't want to be that mum.

OP posts:

inabeautifulplace · 20/10/2014 22:53

That doesn't sound great to me. I Agree that the staff should drop the paperwork and try to settle the child.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 20/10/2014 22:55

Don't worry about being that mum. He is your boy and you want need and deserve the best for him. None of his nursery staff would accept anything but the best for their children so why should you.

Fairylea · 20/10/2014 22:59

Personally I wouldn't be leaving him again until this is tackled head on. It's just not acceptable. My dd was in nursery from 6 months of age and changed to another one at 2.5 years and was always happy apart from an initial couple of days where she was comforted by staff and warmly welcomed.

I feel really sad for your little one... and for you. It definitely needs sorting and if it cannot be sorted then look for another provider.

Timeforanap1 · 20/10/2014 23:00

Does he have a key worker? Was that person absent today? Is this is a one off or a regular feature? If it's a one off, an element of benefit of the doubt may be a more reasonable response, or have a chat with the key worker? Re photo, I agree it's disappointing that they haven't yet done this; how about taking in a photo they can use....makes the point that you've noticed but is possibly a more constructive action and helps to meet child's needs? LJs not uptodate, I can see why this might happen, but I do also think nothing since Sept is a bit off....are parents able to contribute to these? If so, how about taking in some of your observations and ask to stick them in with your child, or take the LJ home to complete?

Marcipex · 20/10/2014 23:18

He had to have a key worker. It's the rules, so talk to him or her.

I personally do 3-4 hours work unpaid each week, and much much more in the holidays, or the learning journeys would be massively out of date.
I'm only paid for one hours admin a week.
It's either do them in my own time, or there's zilch in there :(

LuckyLopez · 20/10/2014 23:24

I know they have to do it but I think a crying child should take priority over paperwork

Well yes of course it does but you can't then moan when the paperwork isn't up to date.

HelloDoris · 20/10/2014 23:32

DD2 still cries at drop off despite being in her room for 4 months now, if her key worker isn't in at the time we get there another assistant will scoop her up and distract her. Every room move both my kids have had have involved paperwork for their learning journal. 3 weeks of settling in reports then regular summarative (sp? ) reports. In fact I'm often found grumbling at the amount of "homework" I have to do with filling in the parents sections of the reports!

New peg photos are done just prior to the move of rooms or on the day they move (with an apology from the staff for the delay).

I would not be happy if we turned up and not one member of staff greeted my child, as it is every member of staff you meet says hello, even the cook pops her head out to greet the DC as they wander past.

I understand that sometimes paperwork gets overlooked and I'm definitely of the opinion that I would rather my kids were well looked after and the focus was on them rather then paperwork.

WhitePhantom · 20/10/2014 23:33

But the point is, the crying child didn't take priority over the paperwork AND the paperwork wasn't done.

greeneggsandjam · 20/10/2014 23:55

Give the nursery a break. They are probably swimming in paperwork and get very little in the way of time to do paperwork or have any kind of break during the day. If the stop their paperwork to deal with every single child who cries/has an issue they will get very little done.

No point saying you would prefer it if they looked after the child instead of completing their paperwork, they don't have that option.

I'm sure the name card is on a to do list along with a million other things.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 20/10/2014 23:58

Greeneggs. It's not Sienna's job to give the nursery a break. It's her job to make sure her son is getting the best care and attention. Would you be saying this if it were your child

WrappedInABlankie · 20/10/2014 23:59

My sons journal/tapestry/orbit is updated after every nursery session. I would be annoyed at that as I like to know what's happened etc, if expect a peg even if it's doubled up, my ds had his done on his first session after his induction session and my ds is always greeted and said hello comforted etc I'd complain to the manager YNBU at all!

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