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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed with nursery

54 replies

Siennasun · 20/10/2014 21:57

Reposting here for traffic.

Background: DS is nearly 2 and has been in nursery for just over a year, 2 days per week. He usually cries when he's dropped off but staff say he's fine after 5 minutes and he's happy when I pick him up.

He moved rooms at start of September so has been in new room about 6 weeks. All children have a peg with their photo on. Despite me asking about it for the last couple of weeks, he still doesn't have his own peg.

Usually someone will cuddle him/distract him while I leave. This morning he was wailing and clinging to my legs as I took off his coat and hung up his stuff on a random peg. It was quite early so several members of staff and only 4-5 kids in the room. No one even greeted him, let alone attempted to comfort him. I don't think any of the staff in his room this morning knew his name. Sad

When I picked him up this afternoon I asked to take home his Learning Journey. I've been looking through it this evening. The most recent observation was 1 September and was written by his previous key worker. There hasn't been anything added since he moved rooms.
I'm not sure how regularly observations are supposed to be done, but I'd expect something to be done in 6 weeks? Or could they have done stuff and not added it in yet?

As up to now I've been generally happy with his care WIBU to talk to the manager about this or am I massively over reacting to 1 bad day?

OP posts:
ElliotLovesGrub · 21/10/2014 00:05

If they are drowning in paperwork, the nursery needs to be thinking about how to deal with that, not expecting parents to give them a break. A name card or photo shouldn't take six weeks either. If the nursery is organised in such a way that they can't take care of the little things, like admin, I'd be concerned about the big things too. And OP obviously does have concerns because drop off isn't being handled well by the nursery either.

greeneggsandjam · 21/10/2014 00:23

Yes I would as I can see it from both sides. How do you expect the nursery to deal with the large amount of paperwork? More free time given to do paperwork which involves bringing in another member of staff (unlikely) or do less paperwork and then parents complain that there isn't enough in their folders?

Having the time to update folders after every single nursery session amazes me. There must be a really high ratio of staff to children, not many children or I don't know what.

And yes, I do think that quite often parents need to give nurseries and schools a break. The people that work in them are only human and can only be pulled in so many directions.

greeneggsandjam · 21/10/2014 00:24

Admin is absolutely NOT a little thing!!!!!

Nanny0gg · 21/10/2014 00:28

Admin isn't a little thing, but if it's coming before the immediate welfare of a child then the priorities are all wrong.

No point saying you would prefer it if they looked after the child instead of completing their paperwork, they don't have that option. I'm sure the name card is on a to do list along with a million other things.

Not good enough and not acceptable. The OP's DS is still a baby and this is just not on.

greeneggsandjam · 21/10/2014 00:39

Ok, try telling that to Ofsted then. Also try explaining to them why it took 5 minutes to change a child who was totally soaked and wearing numerous layers of difficult to get off clothing instead of only one minute. And then explain why the carpet session you were leading with 10 other children went wrong because it all happened during the carpet session. They will be totally understanding.

WrappedInABlankie · 21/10/2014 00:39

Thinks like tapestry/orbit takes seconds they take a photo and observation and write down what happened then select and age category then boom it's done. If the two nurserys my son goes to can do it so can everyone else. They don't have thousands of staff one is an independent woman who does orbit AND writing I. His journey of snacks, drinks, lunch and dinner and activities done in the day for everyone each time, the other is a proper set nursery ifyswim and they do it every time

greeneggsandjam · 21/10/2014 00:39

A 2 year old also isn't a baby.

greeneggsandjam · 21/10/2014 00:41

I have no idea what an orbit is. Are you also saying that the nursery has a person who is there just for the purpose of filling in this orbit? I wonder how many children there are to staff and what times everyone works.

WrappedInABlankie · 21/10/2014 00:58

Orbit is an online journal where you can post pictures and write about their learning etc every nursery I've enquires about has something like this very common. No as i said the lady who uses orbit is an independent nursery so just her. Yet she still has my sons orbit AND written journal completed for me to read at pick up.

Also the other nursery don't have independabt staff to fill these in, Hmm

mimishimmi · 21/10/2014 03:25

If they usually do greet him, YABU to fault them this one time that they didn't/couldn't. The name peg should have been added the first week and the lack of observations for six weeks would concern me.

I do agree with greeneggsandjam that the expectations of some are too high though - I would absolutely expect a carer to attend to the immediate welfare of a child in danger, not necessarily to a kid crying at drop-off. All he might learn from that is that if creates abig production, everyone will drop everything and come running. It will just create bigger problems.

saltnpepa · 21/10/2014 05:53

He's 2 years old! How much do you think he could possibly have 'achieved' in 6 weeks? If there was an issue of any sort they would have raised it with you when you picked up or an emergency you would have known about. So you want to know how he's getting on with his finger painting and sticking bits of tissue paper on a bit of paper? Probably he's doing just fine. These paperwork exercises in nursery is just to make the parent feel someone is clucking after their baby and is fascinated by their every move and it's also to shut up OFSTED. A 2 year old is not doing anything particularly notable for weeks at a time, I think 6 weeks is nothing. Just because a nursery is good at paperwork doesn't mean they are necessarily taking any better care of your child. Out of interest is baby in there full time?

saltnpepa · 21/10/2014 05:55

Apologies I didn't see this No one even greeted him, let alone attempted to comfort him. I don't think any of the staff in his room this morning knew his name. That would be my focus.

Cheby · 21/10/2014 06:08

I can't believe anyone is saying YABU. Nurseries cost an absolute fortune. Not only is it a service you pay through the nose for, but you are trusting them to look after your child. They need to assure you that they can do that. And not welcoming in a crying child is terrible. For what it's worth I couldn't care less about learning journals and the like being filled in, all I want is someone to be kind and loving to my DD, to cuddle her when she cries and make her feel safe and secure. If they can't do that then I'm not sure why they are in a job which involves looking after small children.

Definitely speak to them. Don't go in all guns blazing, just an informal chat to raise your concerns and see what they say. If you don't get a satisfactory answer or see any difference then that's the time to raise things further. Good luck.

NellWilsonsWhiteHair · 21/10/2014 06:26

Actually speechless that anyone thinks a crying 2yo - not even quite 2yo - shouldn't be cuddled or spoken to when their mother is leaving them, if the member of staff is busy with paperwork! Confused

OP, YANBU on any count, but I'd be much more concerned about nobody comforting a distressed child, and the peg thing, than them being a bit slow on the LJ. (Although, I'm confused about the different things people are saying about what this should consist of. My son's profile book is lovely, nice long observations and lots of nice photos, but it wasn't updated more than weekly when he was in baby room and less often still now he's in 2yo room. I'd rather it was done nicely but irregularly, esp if I had concerns about staff prioritising paperwork over distressed toddlers.)

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 21/10/2014 06:31

Saltnpepa, surely children are making notable new achievements when they're two, week to week and at least after six?

Gileswithachainsaw · 21/10/2014 07:08

I wouldn't worry about journals. I'd rather they played with my kid.

The lack.of greeting and the photo would bother me. The kids notice and these things help them feel part of things.

LuckyLopez · 21/10/2014 07:22

For those saying the ljs are fine irregularly or have big time gaps in- do you know anything about the eyfs framework?

They aren't a diary. This you should get every day to say what they've done, eaten, slept, mood etc.

Ljs are for recording development. Sometimes children have weeks where they are establishing existing skills. And that's fine. They don't need to make 'progress' every single day or week. Progress is irregular and I have enough to do without inventing or making up obs just so there is one uniformly in there every Monday morning.

LuckyLopez · 21/10/2014 07:24

Oh and learning journeys aren't even an ofsted definite. They're just a nice extra that many providers choose to use so you also have a nice memory of their time there. They could do it all verbally to you if that was their method.

Stripylikeatiger · 21/10/2014 08:26

I think Yabu about the peg photo and learning journal, my ds is also nearly 2 and he wouldn't care about a learning journal or a photo on a peg. I don't think a LJ is important as I know what my child can do from the time I spend with him at home, if he was doing algebra or learning Latin at nursery I'd think it worthwhile to relay the information but realistically he plays in the sand pit, sings songs, does water play.

Yanbu about the lack of welcome or comfort when you arrived, your poor little boy :( do you know what their names are? I wonder if you introduce yourself "hi I'm jane, William's mummy" and shake their hand it might encourage them to reciprocate although it's not really your responsibility to teach adults basic social interaction.

I think the greeting at nursery and also saying goodbye is really important, saying hello/goodbye is a big the at ds's nursery and now it's not just the teachers who do it, the children all say hello/goodbye to each other which is lovely.

Gileswithachainsaw · 21/10/2014 08:33

See I think the photo on the peg is important. When they come in and hang up their coats or post their name and picture fir the self registration it's unfair for a kid to be on his own not having one. It's part of being a part of the whole thing

Gileswithachainsaw · 21/10/2014 08:40

New kids join nurseries all the time. If it's not a process they have time to do for everyone then they shouldn't do it.

If the kids were older fair enough they could understand that they are just busy. But a two yr old won't be able to. He will just see him not having a peg while his friends do

Original poster
Siennasun · 21/10/2014 09:19

Thanks for all your opinions.

The main concern is with how staff behaved at drop off yesterday. The fact he still doesn't have a peg (despite me asking several times) and that they've not updated his LJ are secondary, but contribute to my general unease that he is being a bit ignored and overlooked since he changed rooms. Maybe the fact he is only in 2 days per week contributes to this.

His LJ wasn't kept very up to date in his previous room but it didn't bother me as I felt his care was good.

Actually, he has changed a lot in the last 6 weeks, especially with his language, so the observations and the learning goals written in August really aren't representative or relevant for his current level of development.

OP posts:
Iggly · 21/10/2014 09:23

That sounds shit.

My dd's preschool, rated outstanding BTW, manages to greet each child personally on arrival. Any tears and usually the manager is there to greet and cuddle the child.

We get highlights with observations at least once a week.

All the workers know every child's name.

So I would speak to them and even think of moving them.

Paperwork is no excuse IMO.

CrashDiveOnMingoCity · 21/10/2014 09:27

YANBU at all and I'm surprised so many people are disagreeing with you. What can a 2 year old learn in 6 weeks? Really?! Hmm

They are being shoddy and I say this as someone who worked in a nursery and did find the LJs tedious work but it was very important to the parents.

differentkindofpenguin · 21/10/2014 10:12

People who are defending the nursery- all of us are expected to do our jobs well as well as keep up with the paperwork. Leaving a crying 2 year old to fend for themselves is appalling, no excuse at all. No peg and stuff like that would not have been important but in this context it fits with the child being ignored, not treated as a priority.

One thing in your post has struck a cord with me- my little boy was also crying every time he went in, and I was told by staff he's fine after that. Lots of other " little" things as well, his name not on the birthday board, staff not aware he is bilingual, was the only one not to get a birthday card.... After 8 months of feeling like a monster taking him in crying and clinging to my leg I took him out, and found a new nursery.

After 3 days in the new place he has never cried, and loves going in, as well as come on leaps and bounds.

So I think the fact that he's so upset should be an alarm bell to you. Don't put up with it, your baby deserves to be happy and secure wherever he is. And yes, a 2 year old is a baby in my eyes too.