Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to not want my parents for Christmas dinner

67 replies

Dixiechicken · 20/10/2014 15:49

Every year for the last 10 years they have come to ours as we have the bigger house and the argument being what is 2 more when we gave to buy the turkey and trimmings.

They don't provide any drinks, help me with the costs or do anything apart from helping with washing up. They don't drive so expect to be picked up and drooped off and they like to eat by half one.

This year we don't want them, I want to drink with my meal if I want without worrying about driving home. I want to eat when I want and stay in my pjs if I choose.

My dm was being passive aggressive about not being wanted, i suggested the local pub for their reasonably priced Christmas dinner. She didn't seem keen.

I love them and I'm happy to cook Christmas Eve or Boxing Day, even New Year's Day.

So Aibu?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 20/10/2014 15:50

Yanbu

We're having turkey

YouTheCat · 20/10/2014 15:51

YANBU at all.

You've told them to make other arrangements. Stick to it and have a nice, relaxed Christmas in your pjs.

MustBeDueSomeBetterFeet · 20/10/2014 15:52

Are you the only child?

whois · 20/10/2014 15:52

No.

But why can't they drive or get a taxi?

There is no God dam way you as the host who does all the cooking should also be not drinking to taxi them around.

MustBeDueSomeBetterFeet · 20/10/2014 15:52

Or do they have any siblings they might go to?

AlpacaLypse · 20/10/2014 15:54

yanbu. I fantasise about flying away somewhere with just DP and our DDs, but we both have widowed mums and realistically we both know it would be unforgivably cruel.

I take it you have no sibling to share this burden with?

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 20/10/2014 15:55

YABU. It's one day a year and it's a day primarily for families.

It's horrible to feel unwanted at Christmas. I could never have done that to my DPs.

If your parents were difficult people to get on with or downright nasty then I would feel totally differently however.

ZenNudist · 20/10/2014 15:56

I was going to say have them but insist they bring xyz inc buy a Christmas pudding and champers (or whatever ) and get taxi .

As you've already told them no ywnbu to stick with it.

Original poster
Dixiechicken · 20/10/2014 15:56

I have a sibling but they go to another relatives.

She's of the same mould. Money is the root cause, they are incredibly tight and 30gbp for taxis would be too much. Hence reluctance for going out to eat.

Although they are happy to splurge when it's something to brag about.

OP posts:
TarkaLiotta · 20/10/2014 15:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Dixiechicken · 20/10/2014 15:58

I don't want them to feel unwanted hence why I'm happy to have them any other day, just this year I want it to be our little family on the day.

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 20/10/2014 15:59

Stuff them instead of the turkey!

They don't contribute or help. They expect ferrying around because they are too tight to pay for a taxi. And why the hell should you have to not have a drink?

Christmas dinner would never get made in this house without me glugging sherry and singing Christmas carols. Grin

Original poster
Dixiechicken · 20/10/2014 16:00

Haha, I should change the title.

OP posts:
IrianofWay · 20/10/2014 16:01

MIL does this. She doesn't drive so in the past someone had to pick her up and drop her off every year. My parents do drive so not an issue.

However..... for the last few years she has stayed over!!! Beleive me, the drive back doesn't seem so bad in comparision.

trikken · 20/10/2014 16:01

Yanbu. At all

IrianofWay · 20/10/2014 16:01

COuld you perhaps explain the problem to them to see if they would be prepared to compromise?

mommy2ash · 20/10/2014 16:02

Christmas is an awful time to feel alone. yabU they will one day be a long time gone

YouTheCat · 20/10/2014 16:02

Mommy2ash, they won't be alone.

Ragwort · 20/10/2014 16:03

I think it's a bit unfortunate if you've made a 'habit' of inviting them for the last 10 years - fortunately my parents are a lot more understanding but we have deliberately never got into a 'routine' of doing the same thing every Christmas. My parents (late 80s) are actually happy to have a quiet Christmas in their own home.

I think you could make it clear by saying something like 'we've already made our plans for Christmas Day this (no need to tell them what they are) but would you like to have lunch with us on Christmas Eve or Boxing Day? And just don't serve turkey Grin.

I am making a promise to myself to hope that I will never, ever be a burden to my DS and any future DIL over Christmas.

Lottapianos · 20/10/2014 16:03

YANBU OP. It is very reasonable to have the sort of day you want, and not to be treated like a cook/taxi service by your parents. Its not down to you to make their Christmas a happy one, they are adults and should be able to make their own plsns .

MrsCakesPrecognition · 20/10/2014 16:04

They are not alone though, there are two of them to keep each other company and enjoy the day. I think it is different when someone is genuinely alone.

PintOfTeaPlease · 20/10/2014 16:05

I would have them (as long as they weren't awful people) but would be clear about the order of the day. Say when you will be eating, tell them you'd like a drink so they'll have to arrange a taxi/transport, and ask them to bring something easy like pudding.

Everyone has different relationships with their parents, but it wouldn't ever cross my mind to actively not want to see my parents on Christmas Day (wanting to doesn't mean you always actually see them iyswim).

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 20/10/2014 16:07

You could always invite them to stay over from Christmas Eve till the 27th, give you a chance to have a drink and recover to drive them home?

Grin Grin

GilesGirl · 20/10/2014 16:07

"You are more than welcome. Make sure you book a taxi in good time and do you want to bring the champagne or the pudding this year? Or perhaps both?"

TSSDNCOP · 20/10/2014 16:11

I would unite them. And I would suck up the can fare so that I could relax and not have to drive.

But:

I would set lunch time, and no snide comments about liking it at 1.30
They wash up
They bring dessert of your request