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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to not want my parents for Christmas dinner

67 replies

Dixiechicken · 20/10/2014 15:49

Every year for the last 10 years they have come to ours as we have the bigger house and the argument being what is 2 more when we gave to buy the turkey and trimmings.

They don't provide any drinks, help me with the costs or do anything apart from helping with washing up. They don't drive so expect to be picked up and drooped off and they like to eat by half one.

This year we don't want them, I want to drink with my meal if I want without worrying about driving home. I want to eat when I want and stay in my pjs if I choose.

My dm was being passive aggressive about not being wanted, i suggested the local pub for their reasonably priced Christmas dinner. She didn't seem keen.

I love them and I'm happy to cook Christmas Eve or Boxing Day, even New Year's Day.

So Aibu?

OP posts:

Kundry · 20/10/2014 19:59

True, quietbatperson.

My mum still does the role of parent at my house but largely expresses it by paying for stuff and doing my ironing. These are generally much more socially acceptable than telling 2 forty-somethings they can't wear pyjamas after 10am.

YouTheCat · 20/10/2014 20:03

If my mum was still alive, we'd all be in pyjamas all day. We'd get sloshed on sherry, have a bit of a dance in the kitchen and then snooze through the evening watching Dr Who and eating chocolate.

OP's parents don't sound like much fun though.

Claybury · 20/10/2014 20:03

YANBU. Have a Christmas eve meal for them & do as you wish Christmas Day. Just tell them this is what suits you this year.
I have the opposite issue. My parents never want to come to me. They can't be bothered to drive nor cook. Perhaps we should be careful what we wish for !!

FrustratedBaker · 20/10/2014 20:07

Sounds a bit annoying. Yanbu really. If you can't face saying no, have yr roast at 4 and put them up for the night? And stay in your PJs anyway?

Janethegirl · 20/10/2014 20:09

I'd love a Christmas on my own and just order a Chinese takeaway, not much chance though as I'm still trying to sort out the differing priorities of older family members and my dcs. Will probably decide in mid December what's happening.

Pifflingcodswollop · 20/10/2014 20:41

YY to guitargirl, and also all the Christmas dinners they did cook. However Idon't understand why your other sibling doesn't take it in turns with you,it seems she/he is the one being unreasonable to me!

cherrybombxo · 20/10/2014 21:00

Youthecat that's how Christmas is when I'm with my parents!

Last Christmas was my first living with DP so we spent it just us, the dog, rubbish TV and a tin of Quality Street. We saw PIL on Boxing Day and my parents on the 28th when the trains were running normally because they live 50mi away and we don't drive. It was brilliant and we plan to do the same again this year

Original poster

Dixiechicken · 05/11/2014 11:03

Thanks for the comments.

Well I told them, comments aplenty about sitting alone eating chicken and not feeling welcome. They also booked an expensive holiday as a direct result.

Getting a bit exasperated by them i offered an invite on the proviso they paid for taxis instead of me being a taxi. She moaned about the costs and declined with more passive aggressive comments.

Final straw came this morning, and I've had a big row over the constant taking and the meanness. Hoping it may make a different attitude, doubt it as she really can't see that both their behaviours are the cause of their lonely, lazy lives.

OP posts:

Venticoffeecup · 05/11/2014 11:36

Good for you for standing up for yourself!

So they wouldn't pay for a taxi but were happy to take themselves on a holiday instead. That's logic for you!!

I hope things change for the better x

BrendaBlackhead · 05/11/2014 11:44

Glove punch with Guitargirl The number of times my poor df would be waiting in the Ford Granada for me outside discos. Df was never cross with me, but even he was a bit tight-lipped when I called for a lift at 2.30am on Christmas morning having been at a lock-in at a pub... somewhere...

Guitargirl · 05/11/2014 13:37

Ha! Ours was a Ford Granada too!

JackSkellington · 05/11/2014 15:22

So they wouldn't pay for a taxi but were happy to take themselves on a holiday instead. That's logic for you!!

That's what I thought! YANBU OP, don't feel guilty. As other posters have said, your parents did look out for you while growing up, but that certainly doesn't mean you should have a stressful Christmas pandering to them. You've tried your best for 10 years, and they've not done anything to help you.

SusanneLinder · 05/11/2014 16:25

I got that one Christmas after begging for that for years.DH is a nurse and was on nightshift Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day. After opening pressies on Christmas morning, he had to go to bed, and me and the two DD's got a takeaway in our jammies.

It was the most miserable Christmas I have ever ever spent. Thank goodness he is in a 9-5 nursing job now, and that will never ever be repeated

offtoseethewizard64 · 05/11/2014 16:51

Well done for tackling it - otherwise you would be stuck with it for years to come.
How come your sibling gets to go to other relatives every time and not take a turn with your parents?
My DF & DM used to come to us every year but used to drive themselves and didn't arrive until 1.00pm They then decided of their own accord that the drive was too much and they would stay at home with their M&S Christmas - fair enough.
Now DF has died and DM would be on her own unless she comes to us, as neither me or siblings live within easy driving distance. I am the only one who can accomodate her overnight. She will, however, be doing Christmas the way we do it though - which usually includes some friends calling around in the morning and demolishing a few bottles of sparkling wine. My DM neither drinks, nor really approves of others doing so in significant quantities. SHe will just have to put up with it. The only compromise will be a piece of meat that she can get her false gnashers through - so probably not beef!

MummytoMog · 05/11/2014 16:55

I have won and we are not going to the in laws for Christmas Day :). I know this isn't the point of this thread, but I am so happy about it!!! One year DH agreed not to go to his parents by inviting them here instead. Was awful. Then there wa the year he fell out with them, but wouldn't go to my mum's as that was too pointed. So we went to his poor best friend's parents instead. Was random and not at all fun. I have offered Boxing Day as a compromise, but I just want to be in my own house, in my PJs, BFing without worrying about the in laws and not having to listen to MiL moaning about making Christmas dinner. Also, despite knowing I don't eat Christmas pudding because I hate fruit, she consistently gets a summer fruit cheese cake for me to have for pudding. And smoked salmon for a starter, even though I don't eat fish. She likes me, she's just a bit dappy.

maddy68 · 05/11/2014 18:29

I certainly wouldn't exclude them. I'm sure all the Christmass that you were growing up were slightly inconvenient for them too. It's just a day , that runs high on emotions. If you exclude them they will be terribly hurt
I would suggest the following:
Say they are really welcome to come, but you are having dinner at x o'clock
And you are going to have x for dinner
You intend to stay in pjs all day and drink so unable to drive so they are really welcome but would need to get a taxi

YouTheCat · 05/11/2014 18:31

Maddy, she's done that and was met with passive aggressive nonsense about the cost.

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